"I don't get it," said one of the displaced monkeys. "The Monkey House had landmark status, but we can't live there anymore? Go figure. What kind of monkey business is this?" The monkeys agree that, overall, humans are just plain obnoxious -- t...
In response to consumer demand for more ecology oriented automotive features, car manufacturers will be introducing a new line of optional trunk monkeys to help save on accessory power usage, thus reducing the car's overall carbon footprint. Takin...
Itsuptou,New York-Mr.and Mrs. Steven Miller's Languor Monkey, Albert, who disappeared several years ago, was found alive and unhurt in the Wehea forest, on the eastern tip of Borneo island. Appearing disheveled and somewhat grizzled, Albert leapt in...
Councils in England and Wales are to start using Monkeys as parking wardens. Training the monkeys started eighteen months ago and some have passed there final tests with flying colours. "This is such a great move forward and frees up money for exp...
Two monkeys working in a Japanese restaurant have proved they are neither "chumps" nor "chimps" in fact they are macaque monkeys and highly intelligent. The owner of the restaurant employs them because they are cheap and only receive "monkey nuts"...
Biloxi, MI - In a shocking exhibition of the power of prayer, a decapitated rhesus monkey has miraculously healed completely following a group prayer service. The announcement came during a press conference Monday, October 3rd, 2011 by group of Chris...
In a fascinating scientific study conducted over the past three years across three continents, scientists have proved beyond all doubt that monkeys and apes will never be able to impersonate Elvis. They have been found to lack a crucial piece of t...
A macaque monkey in Indonesia took ownership of a major news periodical from a distracted media mogul before publishing stories about himself in a variety of situations. The primate went to investigate the printing equipment before becoming fascin...
Dear Mr. President, It has recently come to my attention that the Taliban may be training monkeys to attack U.S. soldiers. Everybody's talking about it. Even CNN has joined in the discussion. Now, I know what you're thinking - "Em, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." But my traffic-stopping good looks must make like a prom date and take a backseat for now. What we need to fo...
HOLLYWOOD - The producers of Hangover Part II are ecstatic as their comedy motion picture has just broken the opening weekend record for a comedy film. The Tinsel Town Times Tribune stated that the motion picture had grossed $85,946,294 for the Me...
Animal Rights activists are up in arms after George the Chimp was found dead in his cell at the Center for Simian Studies and Anthropology in Coventry. Curious George was the first Chimp in captivity to figure out how to use basic kitchen implemen...
British tabloid 'The Guardiano' is again promoting evolution by another nut, 'Tom Redford'. In an attempt to flog his latest book, the newspaper is giving him column inches to promote the propaganda of evolution, in a surprisingly frank admission of lack of evdience. The following paragraph is copied verbatim under the fair usage policy for 'educational' and critical purposes. I STRESS that thi...
An Icelandic naturalist and a travel agent stunned the reading public last Friday when the jointly announced in the NoSun Tribune, Reykjavik, Iceland, that Japanese Snow Monkeys are Migratory. Bjorn Herecomestheson, a noted naturalist in Iceland f...
As last reported, attempts to make Jihad the Chimp give up the location of Osama bin Laden by waterboarding have failed. Alarmed by the non-stop grunting and gesticulations by the hirsute orangutan and fearing that he might create an insurrectio...
Jihad, the simian expatriot from the Orangutan Rehab Center in Sumatra, who was captured while attempting to board a flight from Honolulu to LAX a couple of weeks ago, is now a detainee in the GITMO facility that is presently being used to house dang...
It has been revealed that a troop of escaped monkeys have been running a branch of Santander bank for the last year. It all came to light when a customer from Leeds was sent a bunch of banana's in the post instead of her bank card. When she calle...
Just when Arkansans thought it was safe to go outdoors after surviving one of the worst bird die-offs in recent history, comes news out of Beebe, Arkansas that hordes of poop-slinging monkeys have been terrorizing whole neighborhoods. "I just cain...
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