Shane Worthington, a 49-year-old man from somewhere up north, had a cold last week. If you ask him, he will tell you. Pub Landlady Tracey Brassingthwaite told us 'Shane had a cold last week. I didn't need to know that, but he told me anyway. I did…
Ivor Biggenthwaite, a Londoner, even though his comedy Yorkshire name suggests otherwise has yet to sell a single copy of his new album - Rainstick Seranade. 'It is a mystery to me' said the 37-year-old 'but I have put some real classics on here,…
Gary Johnson, one of Chutney on the Fritz's most famous figures was given a copy of Matt Hancock's Pandemic Diary for Christmas, and really needs to find out who gave it to him, so he can give it back to them. 'I know that it was my Secret Santa p…
Shane Worthington, a 48-year-old man about town has told everyone on his podcast how the late 1970s were a halcyon time, and all you had to do on a Sunday Night was watch All Creatures Great and Small, and then laugh your silly little head off during…
In the soap opera Western arcade, Tony Belshaw told pub landlady Shula Shoesmith that after everything he has been through, 2023 was bound to be his year. Speaking just as the famous theme for Glockenspiel and Theremin poked its way into the audie…
In order to pay the exorbitant costs involved in putting together a Mrs Brown's Boys Christmas Special, the BBC has revealed that it has to make some strategic cuts. Mark Bagman from the corporation said 'We have had to cut down regional news repo…
Record collector Randy Scroggins told his wife of 47 years that this year was going to be the year where he gave up listening to atonal jazz because it made him look more intellectual and he has already broken his resolution. 'To be fair, it was n…
Although Brian Asshat has for years been working away at the best methods of curating pencil shavings, and the best way to show off a collection of paper clips, not to mention his work in correcting the grammar of complete strangers on the internet,…
Although it will soon be 2023, Alan Jones a 43-year-old man about town with seven new resolutions will still be Alan at the end of the year. Writing on his blog Alan listed his seven resolutions: 'During 2023 I will 1) Meet a good woman who…
NORWAY - (Satire News) - This is a dramatic fact in Northern Europe. Due to the coal shortage, some of the snowmen have been left without eyes. "We have rolled snowman parts out of the snow as before, but when eyes are needed to perfect the end re…
After watching this year's Mrs Brown's Boys Christmas Special, Gary Johnson has told his wife Lorraine that he will not sleep for another three months. 'I have to keep Lorraine and Thomas safe' said Gary 'I watched the first five minutes and I fel…
Although he is a fan of most forms of music, Guardian-reading dad Gary Johnson has not heard of many of the acts or albums in the Guardian's 50 best albums of 2022. 'I have heard of some of them' said Gary 'I mean I have heard of the Arctic Monkey…
A shop you don't remember visiting has sent you a Christmas card. The store, known throughout your small city for its bespoke furniture, small portions of food served in the onsite Cafe, unseemly grafitti art and very high business rates has sent…
Mr Norris, a man in a pub, has asked everyone if he should leave and has been told, much to his own shock and dismay, that yes, he should indeed leave. The 47-year-old, who has done quite well for himself, thank you very much was telling everyone…
Pamela Sprocket is always posting on Facebook about Witchcraft, but she is not actually a witch. Posting about the sap in Christmas Trees, and what it means in the world of Wiccan she said 'As a practising witch for many years, I know about the da…
Hello, Mr Raymond Ving here. I am nearly 80 you know. You will remember from my other columns - Collander Husbandry, Whoops where did I leave the Knives? and Look out, there's a Labrador about. I would like to talk to you today about snow. Snow…
Although it is less than two weeks until Christmas, Terry's Chocolate Orange Michael Gove is still on the shelf. He has not even gone for free in one of the shop's buy four for the price of three offers. 'It is not great' said Michael, forlornly.
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