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Funny satire stories about LHC

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Funny story: Large Hardon Collider fails to Excite

Large Hardon Collider fails to Excite

Reports are coming in that the Large Hardon Collider has gone down yet again and this time may stay down for good. Despite many attempts to keep it up, scientists in Geneva are now considering zipping up possibly the world's most expensive erectio...

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Funny story: Scientists at the Hadron Collider set record for "Jim Beam" energy

Scientists at the Hadron Collider set record for "Jim Beam" energy

A record three times the energy level was achieved at the recently restarted European Organization for Nuclear Research center in Geneva, Switzerland yesterday. The collider's usual speed limit is set at 1 Trillion electron volts but overly celeb...

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Funny story: Large Hadron Collider Closes

Large Hadron Collider Closes

The Large Hadron Collider (not to be confused with the small one) is to close next year, well for the school holidays at least. At a cost 80 gazillion Euros and covering the equivalent of 140 NCP car parks the collider has been dogged by problems...

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Funny story: Professor Carlton the nutty professor and the Hadron Collider

Professor Carlton the nutty professor and the Hadron Collider

Professor Karl Carlton who is known by most other scientists as the nutty Professor has come up with the most ridiculous theory ever for the origin of the universe. You can forget God and Darwin's theory of evolution because The Nutty Professor b...

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Funny story: Physicists "Had Enough of Quantum Physics"

Physicists "Had Enough of Quantum Physics"

Despite the excitement being generated in some quarters by the Large Hadron Collider, the Internationaler Symposion Von Quantum Physic which took place in nearby Geneva this week declared in a statement to the press "Bugger quantum theory. Bugger it.

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Funny story: Sex Performance In Europe Threatened By Hadron Collider

Sex Performance In Europe Threatened By Hadron Collider

People and even animal's sexual performance in Europe has been thrown off, to say the least, and it's spreading around the world, it's cause being blamed on the restart of the Hadron Collider. The world's most powerful atom smasher had resumed ope...

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Funny story: Large Hadron Collider Splitting The Earth!

Large Hadron Collider Splitting The Earth!

President Barack Obama, just back from his trip from...whoa! Something's shaking! Obama says he has received a lot of good news from both the Japanese and the Chinese over our national debt. "In a face-to-face conference in both Tokyo and Beijing...

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Funny story: Scientists Converge on Giant Hardon Collider

Scientists Converge on Giant Hardon Collider

Switzerland - Scientists from sixteen nations converged on the site of the beleaguered Giant Hardon Collider last week to assess what remedial work is required to get the super sized apparatus up and running. Max Schilling of the University of Fra...

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Funny story: The "Cliché Killer" still at large

The "Cliché Killer" still at large

The Metropolitan police are still on the hunt today for the serial killer believed to be at large in the Central London area. The unknown assassin has been nicknamed the "Cliché Killer" by the tabloid press, following the themed, staged murder sc...

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Funny story: Overwhelmingly Large Hadron Collider Fired Up In Russia

Overwhelmingly Large Hadron Collider Fired Up In Russia

Last night, Russia released the news that its own particle collider is up and running- and it's even bigger than CERN's. Work on this collider has been going on for years now, but the Russians quite sensibly told people that it wasn't actually goi...

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Funny story: The Large Hadron Collidor - The Truth!

The Large Hadron Collidor - The Truth!

After an official investigation into the accident at the Large Hadron Collider the powers that be have recommended that an early warning system be installed. This system would detect the early stages of a helium leak, following an incident that has s...

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Funny story: Higgs Boson discovered - Cern 'furious'

Higgs Boson discovered - Cern 'furious'

The elusive Higgs Boson, the so-called 'God Particle' has been discovered by three schoolboys working with a home-made particle accelerator. The boys, all aged thirteen and from The Francis Howard Academy in York, built the accelerator from bits and...

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Funny story: Physicists closer to finding "God particle"

Physicists closer to finding "God particle"

Despite damage to the large particle accelerator last year, Europe's particle physics lab Cern is still striving to discover the "God particle", also known as Hogg's bison. The particle was first hypothesised by Dr Rode Hogg in 1902. After a lifet...

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Funny story: Carol and the Collider

Carol and the Collider

The story regarding Carol Vorderman's resignation from the long-running Channel 4 show, Countdown, took an amazing twist yesterday. Sexy Carol, the first female ever to appear fully clothed on Channel 4, had intimated that the reason for her depar...

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Funny story: Theory on LHC:FBH solution discussed by boffins

Theory on LHC:FBH solution discussed by boffins

Braniacs from all over the planet met today in Lausanne, Switzerland in an attempt to thrash out a solution to the Financial Black Hole, caused by the Large Hadron Collider. Many theorum have been discussed and discarded as argument, counter-argum...

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Funny story: Large Hadron Collider Responsible for Global Financial Crisis

Large Hadron Collider Responsible for Global Financial Crisis

The switch off of the controversial CERN Large Hadron Collider on 19th September, only 9 days after it was first switched on, had initially been reported as being necessary due to a leak of 6 tonnes of liquid helium, which had damaged the massive ele...

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Funny story: Large Hadron Collider now a sex symbol

Large Hadron Collider now a sex symbol

The Large Hadron Collider, located in Switzerland, has achieved a notoriety it would never have been previously dreamed possible: as a sex symbol. Hundreds of females who have visited the web site have emailed the CERN corporation who manage the...

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