The Department of Homeland Security went to Detroit and raided an Al-Qaline sympathy group huddled inside Comerica Park. "The Al Qaline sympathizers were relatively easy to spot," a Homeland Security spokesperson said. "They all wore shirts wit...
An increasing number of businesses today rely on computer voice recognition for navigating their phone directories. First generation software products, unfortunately, could not decipher the language of many rural speakers.
The White House was closed this weekend while attendants fumigated the president's offices for a pest infestation.
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - President Bush added power to the power to the power that he gave himself by approving new CIA methods Friday.
Michael Chertoff's announcement of a "gut feeling" or "feeling in his gut" that the U.S. may be struck again by Al Qaeda terrorists should be commended and not subject to criticism by knit picking, hair splitting, cuff scoffin...
New York, New York (IP) - The Department of Homeland Insecurity issued a red alert at New York's largest airport today and issued an order for their highly trained bum squad to round up all of the unusual suspects. Men of Middle Eastern appearan...
I rise today to discuss the National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive , signed on May 9, 2007 which declares that in the event of a "catastrophic event", George W. Bush can become what is best described as "a dictator". I refer you to the speach I made in 1964 at the Republican National nominating convention:...
A Study commissioned by Congress promoting abstinence only programs has proven completely ineffective in preventing or delaying teenagers from having sexual intercourse. Therefore, President Bush has set the minimum age for puberty at 18 for all U.S...
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - United States Coast Guard Academy, New London, Connecticut - May 23, 2007 President George W. Bush made a speech at the United States Coast Guard Academy.
The following document is the results of a study conducted by the Department of Homeland Security last Christmas season. It deals with a threat that Americans deal with every year. This document was classified Top Secret but was leaked when someone accidentally left it in the copier machine at a local post office.
According to a classified document obtained by our investigative reporter, the prestigious humor website TheSpoof.com is a covert sting operation run by the National Security Agency (NSA) to out opponents of the The Sheik Formerly Kn...
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA--(BREAKING NEWS) Sanjaya Malakar, the latest American hopeful destine to be this seasons "American Idol" winner has been exposed as a fraud. Audiences had to endure total degradation o...
In a press release from the Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff, earlier today, it appears passengers with any sort of liquid in their bodies will not be allowed to board.
North Portsmouth, RI - The department of Homeland Security today announced the start of an expanded terrorist identification program, the new measures to be put into service at grocery stores and shopping malls.
As a follow up to the recently announced "Automatic Targeting System" by the department of Homeland Security, government officials released what they see as the next step in a process designed to rid the world of terrorists, trouble makers,...
This afternoon, in an attempt to prepare our citizens to meet the latest challenges on the war on terror, Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff met with journalists at Pinal Air base near Tucson, AZ. In a 10 minute briefing, Secretary Chertoff out...
Washington, DC - In a surprise admission of real stupidity Homeland Security Inspector General Dick B. Skinny admitted that the database of national monuments and other places subject to terrorist attack had been hacked by a group of nuns calling the...
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