A local swimming pool has banned children's floats on grounds of health and safety. Following an incident where a young child almost choked, having taken a bite out of one of the polystyrene floats, the floats have now been removed from use. Pool...
Due to the sheer volume, in more than one sense of the word, of complaints regarding the new coalition government and the austerity measures they are forcing on the British public, there are concerns that a monumental backlash will help drive the den...
Polish physicist and chemist Marie Curie is to be posthumously stripped of her Nobel Prize after being branded as "dumb beyond belief" by the Norweigan Nobel Committee. Curie, who was originally rewarded the prize for her pioneering work in the fi...
Natural Drilling, Inc. is the world's first producer of crude oil and related products to achieve organic certification, and the company aims to challenge the market with a line of 'healthy transportation' offerings. 'The oil we bring out of the g...
The Health and Safety department has released a new list of dos and don'ts for UK citizens to keep them safe (and presumably healthy) around the house and workplace we can exclusively reveal. Speaking on behalf of the Government Department Mr Flan...
For the foreseeable future, Ryde pier will be closed to vehicles. Ryde council have announced this measure following a safety inspection that discovered defects in the structure's structure. Ryde Pier has long been a popular tourist destination fo...
The face covering veils know as 'Niqab' or shuttlecock 'Burqa' are to be banned on health and safety grounds. The ruling marks a breakthrough for the Health and Safety executive who have not been able to pass any 'common sense' laws since the abol...
SAN FRANCISCO, California - A cafeteria employee cut off one of her own fingers with a butcher's knife in an "act of desperation" after a co-worker reminded her that 99 days had elapsed since someone had been injured in a workplace accident. "Ever...
A routine check by a security guard at Wembley Park revealed the startling fact that over the weekend, with people's attention diverted to the world cup, a traveling band of gypsies had taken over the pitch and set up residency. The pitch, encomp...
A middle aged man dressed in rusty mail, a stained cod piece, carrying a broad sword and long bow, was detained after an inquiry into the cause of 22 mysterious deaths of travelers asphyxiated under a 5 acre St. George Cross the first day of the Wor...
Sex Education in schools in England and Wales has been slammed as 'woefully inadequate' in a report released by the Health and Safety Commission. The report says that too much emphasis is placed on the biological details and consequences of sexual...
A new guide claims that Britain's national sport Pub Darts could soon become extinct. The Cockney Alcoholic's Handbook reckons that dartboards are vanishing from London pubs faster than the boozed-up brain cells of their "knees up Mother Brown" Ma...
Following a dramatic increase in wardrobe deaths, flat-pack furniture giant Ikoa today insisted to a Health and Safety Commission Court Martial that its wardrobes were safe to use, and were unlikely to cause the death of any user hanging up a shirt,...
Hogwarts, the world famous school of witchcraft and wizardry near Hogsmeade, Scotland, is closing in 2011 following a report by the HSE. They claim that during recent inspections, asbestos was found in the Gryffindor common room and also confirmed th...
Shock has spread to the streets of Wales today after last nights tragic events leading to the death of Dolly the hooker. The tragedy unfolded when Dolly's client requested her to put a condom on with her mouth, a trick she well famed for amongst the...
It is bad news for children this coming festive period as Santa's annual delivery process has been halted following news that the Elf for Safety has deemed his workshop and delivery methods unsafe. The Safety Elf, Little Paul, concluded a six mont...
Cabbage Whites, Greater Fritilliaries, Camberwell Beauties and any other butterfly species you can think of are soon to be wiped from the face of the planet. Global climatologists have discovered that a single butterfly flapping its wings in the m...
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