Desperate to boost its credibility and popular appeal, the Food and Drug Administration is reportedly considering changing its name to the "Pizza and Drugs Administration". "The 'Pizza' wouldn't be referring to just pizza, of course," emphasized F...
Desperate to combat rising rates of chronic disease in an increasingly sedentary indoor culture, the Food and Drug Administration has officially classified 'going outside and remaining there for at least 30 seconds' as exercise. "It's something th...
"I knew I wasn't in the greatest shape," said Justin Toler of Nashville, Tennessee, "but meditation is just sitting there. I thought I could handle that okay." Unfortunately, that proved not to be the case. According to Toler, he arrived at Breath...
"Pizza can be a foundational part of a healthy diet, and adding just a little more tomato sauce can help Americans inch that much closer to their five recommended daily servings of vegetables," said Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Brett Gir...
Desperate to counter skyrocketing rates of mental illness and plummeting rates of physical activity, the Food and Drug Association has officially classified anxiety as exercise. "It really does get the heart rate up at times," said FDA Commissione...
Recognizing that cows, chickens, pigs, and other farmed animals are flooded with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline in the moments of anticipation prior to their brutal slaughterhouse death, making their flesh that much unhealthier for huma...
Eating food that hasn't been prepared properly can often result in a variety of bacteria-based problems, and it was exactly this that was the case for one man's 'friend' in the Cambodian second city of Battambang this week, when the friend was diagno...
A new 'fad' of riding a motorcycle after having visited a doctor to have an intravenous saline solution drip fitted, has swept through one southeast Asian country almost as fast as the Dengue Fever it's hoped the drip will help clear up. The quirk...
Dr. Lyle Hackett, a lifestyle medicine physician who helps people cure chronic health problems through changes to their diet and lifestyle, made an impassioned plea for Americans to stop shaming fat people. "Just because you're grossly obese and c...
Heeding warnings that sitting is the new smoking, Henry Larkins,, a long-distance truck driver living in Nashville, Tennessee, ditched his habit of smoking cigarettes while sitting on his back porch and now instead smokes while standing up. "I kno...
Desperate to boost exercise rates, the Food and Drug Administration capitalized on the soaring popularity of electric scooters as an alternative means of transportation and formally classified riding the scooters as exercise that will count toward th...
Turning around a near-century-long slump in new customer acquisitions, proponents of healing via faith, prayer, and the laying of hands have successfully rebranded their variety of spiritual ministration as a holistic health remedy. "There's no re...
Barry Eckingtwhaite, from Basingstoke, was filmed sleeping during a heavy-duty meeting about urinal cakes. The meeting that lasted for more than an hour involved little more than an argument, and Mavis from accounts being asked to find three quotes.
The UK has, for the first time in decades, lost it’s “Measles free status due to the rise of people not vaccinating their kids. More and more parents are becoming worried that vaccines not only help stop the spread of fatal diseases but also make bab...
If you're like many protein-avid Americans, who've been longing for a cruelty-free way of eating that doesn't come saddled with the myriad health benefits associated with typical vegan diets, cultured or "clean" meat could be just the ticket. "For...
A writer who frequents a satirical news website has told of how he believes he is being targeted by a company that supplies catheters, in the hope that he will buy one. Moys Kenwood, 56, a writer at TheSpoof.com, was looking at the site just now,...
As the number of overweight women in the United States skyrockets, an increasing number of those women are making short shorts their garment of choice. "I really like the look," said Mandy Barnes of Nashville, Tennessee. "They're very unconfining,...
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