WASHINGTON DC - According to sources at FDA, you can't blame this one on the FDA: Researchers have found signs of aspartame disease -- normally thought of as a modern disease caused by toxic artificial sweeteners protected by the FDA-- in 3,700-year-...
WASHINGTON DC - Spokesman Dr. Strangedeath for the FDA held a short news conference today wherein he encouraged parents to give children 'Holloweenies' such as eyeball eggs stuffed with aspartame. Holloweeny could be used to rid the Earth of exces...
FORT DETRICK, MD - FDA officials assured surviving citizens in the US that the spate of deaths following vaccinations were unrelated to the vaccinations. "Just because someone dies after being vaccinated, for all we know they would have lived a s...
The Food and Drug Administration is warning consumers to check the expiration date on any packages of edible undies that they might have at home. Once past their expiration date, this product is unsafe to wear and unfit for human consumption. Dr.
The Food and Drug Administration said yesterday that it had confirmed the presence of E. coli 0157, a deadly strain of bacteria, in samples of refrigerated cookie dough. As of last week, CDC reported 69 cases of E. coli 0157 illness linked to cook...
Tutankhamen, IDAHO - The Food and Drug Administration today announced that it was tightening label requirements for home-made mud pies. Little girls across America are struggling to comply with the emergency order which will go into force the Monday...
The Food and Drug Administration has declared that food manufacturering and packaging companies will now be required to use truth in advertising to label more of their products. "This should make it easier for consumers to tell what kind and typ...
Washington DC: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) will be getting a new boss, once Congress approves his nomination. There is a real serious issue that needs to be dealt with following the resolution of the tainted peanut butter, foreign food lab...
WASHINGTON DC - Food expert, and FDA spokesperson, Dr. Strangedeath issued the following press release in response to speculation that the FDA would soon take on a less menacing stance. This press release was issued at noon, February 9, 2009, and is reproduced here in part, starting with the section on aspartame. Methanol - Aspartame is the most searched for item on food packages around th...
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The US Food and Drug Administration and the Department of Agriculture have jointly approved the use of cola as pesticides in farming and general pest control both outdoors and indoors. The two government organizations had...
TOXIC BOG, New Jersey - In a stunning development today, the EPA obtained an injunction from the Supreme Court shuttering the FDA, a prominent part of the United States Government. Dazed FDA officials wandered about the streets, looking for a gove...
TRENTON, N.J. FDA spokesman Dr. Stangedeath announced today that aspartame is perfectly safe for the terminally ill. "There is no danger that it may cause the terminally ill to die any sooner. Thus, there is no danger of any economy stimulating...
On the heels of recent federal action taken against some fast-food restaurants for a lack of nutritional information on product packaging, the Food and Drug Administration is now targeting misleading product names as featured by many of these same fo...
In a move that seems even more bizarre than the unfolding financial debacle on Wall Street, the Federal government announced this week that two federal agencies will merge. The Food and Drug Administration and the Resolution Trust Corporation will...
Paris/AP - The future of The Tour de Farce, an institution in cycling since 1903, was saved today when the FDA announced it would take over sponsorships of ALL teams participating in the event for 2009. Plagued by the continued use of performanc...
Hollywood, California - The "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" seems to be over for now, says the FDA as they have successfully reached an armistice with their leader sub-commander, George Clooney.
WASHINGTON--The Bush administration said Tuesday it will fight to keep a packaged food manufacturer from testing all of its products for rat-borne diseases.
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