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Funny story: Gonged-up geriatric hasbeens doshed up for Queen's jubilee gig

Gonged-up geriatric hasbeens doshed up for Queen's jubilee gig

London - Four fake 'knights' have been given hefty bungs to get them to perform at the Diamond Jubilee concert in June. Agents for Sir Cliff Richard, Sir Mick Jagger, Sir Elton John and Sir Tom Jones said today they'd initially turned down the cha...

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Funny story: German Pensioner Celebrates 60 Years of Scrounging Off UK Taxpayers

German Pensioner Celebrates 60 Years of Scrounging Off UK Taxpayers

A woman of German descent today celebrates 60 years of living off the taxpayer, claiming it has been her right as 'Queen' of England. Mrs Elizabeth Windsor of Westminster has apparently also been paid for the upkeep of multiple properties through...

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Funny story: Diamond Jubilee turd flotilla revealed

Diamond Jubilee turd flotilla revealed

London - The Queen and Prince Philip will have a commanding view from their gilt Poop Deck thrones Jubilee organisers said today. Most of the floaters will be provided from royal estates septic tanks which have been groaning under excess Yuletide...

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Funny story: 'Long to reign over us' to be Removed from National Anthem!

'Long to reign over us' to be Removed from National Anthem!

A statement released from Buckingham Palace this morning has sadly officially confirmed that Her Majesty the Queen has the age related condition known as 'detrectandis'. The condition is fortunately not life threatening. Detrectandis usually attacks...

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Funny story: Adele confirmed for Queens Diamond Jubilee, special builders engaged

Adele confirmed for Queens Diamond Jubilee, special builders engaged

It was confirmed today that popular singer Adele will indeed be headlining at the pop concert for H M the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations from the roof of the Royal Palace. Specialist builders are being brought in to Buckingham Palace to stre...

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Funny story: Queen's trip to Golders Green Crematorium as part of Diamond Jubilee tour

Queen's trip to Golders Green Crematorium as part of Diamond Jubilee tour

London - Plans drawn up for Queen Elizabeth include being turned into a 5-carat diamond in a high-tech process that recycles crematorium ashes into full-on bling. The rock could then be set in some new Crown Jewellery in a bold move replacing all...

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Funny story: Another 'Marchioness' disaster in the making as anti-terror cops slam 'sitting duck' Jubilee barge

Another 'Marchioness' disaster in the making as anti-terror cops slam 'sitting duck' Jubilee barge

London - It's already been dubbed 'HMS Titanic' as security pros weigh up the 'witless toff' behind its design. The brainchild of the 7th Marquess of Salisbury the Queen's Diamond Jubilee barge 'Spirit of Tart Hell' was unveiled today despite anti...

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Funny story: New Flag Of The U.K. To Celebrate Queen's Diamond Jubilee!

New Flag Of The U.K. To Celebrate Queen's Diamond Jubilee!

The flag of the United Kingdom, more generally know as the Union Jack, it's current design dates back to 1801 with the Union of Great Britain and Ireland, is to be replaced by a new multicultural flag in time to form part of The Queen's Diamond Jubil...

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Funny story: Ghostly image appears in Queen's diamond jubilee portrait

Ghostly image appears in Queen's diamond jubilee portrait

London - The spectral face of 'God's Banker' Roberto Calvi has appeared in a photo portrait of the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh. The picture, commissioned by the National Portrait Gallery, shows the royals seated on one of Windsor Castle's hideousl...

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Funny story: 1,000 tonnes of commemorative Thames sewage to mark Queen's Diamond Jubilee

1,000 tonnes of commemorative Thames sewage to mark Queen's Diamond Jubilee

London - The mile-long turd flotilla will lead the procession commemorating the Rowlingesque fairy tale of the Queen's 60-year reign. The waterborne pageant announced today will be headed by a carnival float of Euro-septic tank pathogens including...

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