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Funny story: 2015 GOP Platform Has Been Completed

2015 GOP Platform Has Been Completed

The GOP platform that will be ratified by the 2016 Presidential Nominating Convention is now complete. Since the last convention, selected Congressional Republicans and State Party Chairs have been diligently working. According to insider reports, these are its major points: 1. We stand for the principles of torture, particularly rectal hydration. 2. We believe that rich donors should dramat...

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Funny story: Cheney Defends Using Spoof on Prisoners

Cheney Defends Using Spoof on Prisoners

Former vice-president Dick Cheney has drawn fire from human rights activists for defending the US and the CIA using satire as an interrogation technique on Guantanamo prisoners post 9-11. Cheney says that the United States was under a high level thre...

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Funny story: Shrink paid $81m to coach CIA torturers says 'Because I'm Worth It'

Shrink paid $81m to coach CIA torturers says 'Because I'm Worth It'

Langley, Virginia - "It was no bum deal," said Professor Einstein Flintstone, a former Pentagon psychiatrist on secondment to train fledgling CIA torturers in the dark arts of rectal feeding plus other recreational crap. "And what's more that much...

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Funny story: CIA "Rectal Hydration" Raises Questions

CIA "Rectal Hydration" Raises Questions

LANGLEY, VA --CIA Director, John O. Brennan held a rare press conference today where he attempted to defend CIA torture post 9/11. Brennan, contradicting former CIA Directors, said, "It is unknowable whether useful intelligence was ever obtained...

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Funny story: GOP Defends Torture

GOP Defends Torture

The GOP today released a statement in support of "enhanced interrogation" otherwise know as torture used by the CIA. The first six points the republicans use in their support are the most significant arguments and are presented here: 1) Just a...

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Funny story: CIA Suspected of Selling "Impeach Diane CIAnstein" Bumper Stickers

CIA Suspected of Selling "Impeach Diane CIAnstein" Bumper Stickers

BILLINGSGATE POST: Diane CIAnstein, the titular head of the California Communist Party, has been asked to step down from her post as United States Senator. In an effort suspected to be bankrolled by Orange County conservatives, possibly in conjunct...

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Funny story: Calls for UK judge-led cover-up into British complicity with CIA torture

Calls for UK judge-led cover-up into British complicity with CIA torture

London - A trawl of the great and good in Britain's senior judiciary has narrowed down a list of candidates capable of bullshitting in the international premier league. Top pick for a prolonged and tortuous televised whitewash guaranteed to flush...

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Funny story: US officials will demonstrate advanced interrogation techniques "not all that bad"

US officials will demonstrate advanced interrogation techniques "not all that bad"

Announced today, Mr. Obama and Mr. Brennan (head of the CIA) will participate in experiments to show Senator Diane Feinstein's objections are "over-amped." Spokespersons maintain US advanced interrogation techniques are "not all that bad" and may...

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Funny story: Former CIA Head Defends Torture

Former CIA Head Defends Torture

Today, on the CNN show, "Today's News," the former head of the CIA, General Michael Hayden, and Harvard Professor of Ethics, Greg Stiles, squared off against one another on the issue of torture. The background of the debate centered on The Senat...

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Funny story: CIA Torture Study a Torture to Read

CIA Torture Study a Torture to Read

"Judicious Use of Cognitive and Physical Trauma to Elicit Psychic Response"--By Dr. Gunter Chang, Director of Cognitive Studies at the Central Intelligence Agency, August 2003. Abstract: Research in the area of the psychic science lags considerably behind other research fields primarily due to lack of reproducible quantitative data obtained under controlled conditions. In an effort to establ...

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Funny story: Obama Issues Himself A Presidential Pardon

Obama Issues Himself A Presidential Pardon

WASHINGTON -- In the wake of the Senate Select Committee Report on CIA torture showing a grisly, reckless brutality, a violation of the U.S. Constitution and the Geneva Accords, President Obama issued himself a pardon for possible illegal activities...

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Funny story: Obama Is Unintelligent

Obama Is Unintelligent

WASHINGTON - President Obama has acknowledged that the NSA and The CIA had underestimated the rise of the Islamic State militant group, ISIS, which has seized control of a broad swath of territory in the Middle East. He said he "follows their advice...

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Funny story: BBC Sell County Cricket Programmes To U.S. To Break The Wills Of Terrorists

BBC Sell County Cricket Programmes To U.S. To Break The Wills Of Terrorists

BBC executives have negotiated the sell off, at massive gain for the Corporation, the complete archives of all county cricket matches to the U.S. Military. The tapes are to be used to replace "Waterboarding" as a means of cracking suspects' wills to...

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Funny story: ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi makes shocking confession in rogue Mosul nightclub The Burqa al-Ablah

ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi makes shocking confession in rogue Mosul nightclub The Burqa al-Ablah

No sooner was I back in Baghdad from the journey to Mosul with Hillary than I got this strange call on my cell. I was at my favorite cheap digs, the Hotel Alzubra, ready to move back towards Syria, but it was Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi saying I should return north to Mosul. "If this is Warezabar," the voice said, "I have something. Urgent." "This is Pepe Warezabar." "Yes?" His English is...

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Funny story: CIA/NSA to 'automate' the 2016 Presidential Election

CIA/NSA to 'automate' the 2016 Presidential Election

Vapor Lock, Virginia - The US government can expect a 100% voter turnout for the 2016 Presidential Election. The reason: Democracy is going digital. America's two surveillance powerhouses - the Central Intelligence Agency and the Nationa...

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Funny story: Spy vs. Spy: Poison Shortage Triggers Suicide Crisis

Spy vs. Spy: Poison Shortage Triggers Suicide Crisis

Washington, DC - One of spying's essentials - the cyanide capsule - is in such short supply that a dangerous suicide backlog is developing at the CIA, the NSA, the Secret Service and other federal surveillance agencies. "Anyone assigned to spy fo...

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Funny story: New American values committee forming to consider Senator Feinstein's emotionalism versus Mr. Cheney's dry-eyed but nasty interrogation systems

New American values committee forming to consider Senator Feinstein's emotionalism versus Mr. Cheney's dry-eyed but nasty interrogation systems

Former vice-president Mr. Richard "would do it again in a trice" Cheney has come forward to exonerate CIA "enhanced interrogation" tactics first used during the Bush administration. America must be defended, according to Mr. Cheney, no matter wha...

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