1. Africans are black because they drink the stuff. 2. Guinness doesn't travel well. You drink enough of it you will be lucky to make it to the bathroom. 3. It is referred to fondly in Ireland as "liquid viagra". 4. Guinness taken in sufficient quantities produces all the affects of Oscar Wilde. 5. Irish bookmakers give free Guinness to all their customers; but they must drink at least...
1 : He has anyone who disagrees with him shot dead 2 : He insists on sending his Airforce Fighter Jets to invade the Airspace of small, neutral countries. 3 : He considers the citizens of Cornwall, a threat 4 : His idea of the Proof of Statesmanship is recording endless films of his wolf / bear - hunting exploits in Siberia, in which he appears bare/oily - chested, entouraged by appa...
How many of these insane beliefs have you bought into? If you are afflicted with one you are in bad shape. If you are afflicted with more than one you are a zombie. Here is the belief system of the brainwashed commonly called 'culture'. It gets piped into your brain, wherever you are... 24/7. (1). Government is set up for your welfare. That is why it is not allowed to print its own money. Y...
The Bronx - - The New York Yankees appear to have had enough of Alex Rodriguez. They don't like the way he "talks the talk." They don't care for the way he "walks the walk." But what really upsets them is how his contract will "yank the bank" if...
Magazine UR-FKD's Health & Fitness Section has listed the following tips for a healthy mind in a healthy body. Several food chains and media outlets are threatening to sue the editor. 1. Understand the world is run by crooked, greedy people who think they are 'superior' to you and because the are 'superior' to you they actually own the world and everything in it... including you. You and yo...
1. I don't know why I'm here. 2. How do I know you are not crazier than me? 3. There is no such thing as the unconscious. 4. I'll pay you if I get cured. 5. Who was the crazier between Freud and Jung? 6. I don't want prescribed any drugs. 7. My daddy is a psychotherapist. That's why I'm here. 8. I think politicians should be psychologically tested before they stand for office...
How many of these embarrassing moments have you experienced? 1. Being fired for "total incompetence" in front of all your colleagues. 2. Accidentally stumbling across your new bride screwing her ex-beau on a snooker table during your wedding reception while you were searching the hotel rooms for the surprise honeymoon gift you had been keeping for her for months; a whirlwind trip for two to...
Life- An annoying thing that happens when you wake up in the morning. Life- The commitment you don't remember having agreed to. Life- 16 hours you have to live through before you can go back to bed again. Life- A pain in the ass that doesn't limit itself to just that area. Life- A journey on a sea of unknown depths. Life- Two third of a day that it takes one third of a night to reco...
1. Freeze Turkey Giblets , then promote as genuine WW1 Christmas Truce Football Match Interval Edwardian 'Comfits' or 'Fancies'. 2. Mix up any old rubbish lurking in your fridge , with some Fruits Rouges ( or tinned Raspberries) and label it: 'French and/or Italian Rustic Preserve.'..then decant into any glass pot, stick a label in French or Italian onto it....money for old rope, but make sure...
The Top Ten Reasons to Join Scamatology Are: * Good place to hide from your family since they will force you to disconnect from them anyways * If you have too much money they will help you with that. * Since Scamatology will take all your money, you won't need to file and pay taxes every year * You will be able to serve and service many D List celebrities! * Is your brain in need of servici...
1) The Isle of Wight contains less prisoners per head of the population than Alcatraz or San Quentin. 2) Despite over one hundred movies about daring escapes from The Isle of Wight, only one person, Harry Houdiney is known to have successfully escaped and lived to tell the tale in 1955. 3) How big was the average b and b room in 1943? Each single room was 5 feet by 9 feet. Double rooms ha...
Rolling Stone Magazine released its final poll of top musicians. This poll started with guitar players and went through 68 different instruments including top autoharp and top wax on tissue paper to reach the ultimate list. The list: 5. Yara DaSilva, kazoo at the end of Dionne Warwick's "This Girl's in Love With You. 4. Reece on Steal My Body Home by Beck. 3. Jake of the Nitty Gritty D...
Here's a list of things you shouldn't say on a first date, particularly if you want a second date. To be nonsexist, I've included some things for the ladies, too. Of course, if you're not interested in the person and want nothing to do with them after the first date, this could be a guide to "what to say on a first date": 1) I had venereal disease a few times, but not to worry, my doctor gave m...
1. You think 'your' thoughts are worse than anybody else's. You have not thought about where 'your' thoughts have come from. 2. You are scared the people you respect and who respect you may find out and abandon you. 3. Killing people is okay, you believe, and your favourite movies are all about heroes and the relentless murder they bring. 4. You think sex is love because that is what they...
(1) You pick up speed. You find yourself singing "Where have all the flowers gone?" at taxi ramps. Or, "When I was twenty-one it was a very good year...." . People hide their children and move away from you because they think you have Ebola. (2) Girls don't find you attractive any more. They call you "an interesting man" but only to strangers who wonder how you can walk unaided, the way an astr...
If you spot one of the following signs you need to have a long talk with your partner. If you spot more than two you should pack your things immediately and take a long holiday. If you spot all ten, and are still alive and living with your partner, you should seek urgent, psychiatric help. 1."Shouts of "Stop it! Stop it!" coming from your bedroom. And when you open the door you find her reading...
1)Spray a place mat with matt black paint - abracadabra!! - its an expensive Ipad to walk out of your door with. 2)Make the people next door think you are having a glamorous "Hog Roast" garden party by getting a large road kill fox and roasting it over 4 portable barbecues. 3)Make people think you have a posh car by offering Porsche owners free parking in your drive while they go to work on...
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