Sweet Tooth and Snackers need to beware! There's been a safety recall of Disney Hanna Montana Peanut Chocolate Granola Bars With Extra Peanuts and Salmonella due to possible salmonella contamination. While only a few are allergic to peanuts, most...
The Board of Health issued a statement today regarding the obesity epidemic that has been plaguing the United States. "We are redefining the classification of those who are considered 'obese,'" said Board of Health spokesman Robert Yollum. "...
The corporate, nationwide gym, Bally Total Fitness has announced plans to reach out to the shy by providing a "Judgement Free" zone in all of their gyms across the country. "I can see how some might be intimidated by our commercials," said Ma...
The Department of Health has today announced a new scheme aimed at tackling the social and public health issues caused by the wanton consumption of chocolate. The actions follow the recent campaign by Doctor David Interferingscrote, who described...
In Washington DC today, medical experts announced the discovery of what they termed Brown Nausea. 'We had suspected the existence of Brown Nausea for a while', Dr. Spock Illogicus said, ' but only proved it was a real ailment when the British Prim...
The Surgeon General was killed last night after days of guerrilla warfare with loyalists in down-town DC. The General was attempting to stage a coup to overthrow current President Barrack Hussein Obama. He began his uprising with a caustic speech...
(Washington, D.C.) It was an overlooked agenda item at the White House Forum on Health Reform Thursday, but it is one in which President Obama and his Director of Domestic Policy Council, Melody Barnes, are placing a good deal of weight. It is an "au...
Doctors have slammed the British population today for being "fat, greedy, drunk layabouts". The news shocked many and there were instances of people falling off their sofa in shock. The spread of obesity is causing concern. "I travel to work on th...
Nueces County, Texas: An NIH funded study conducted by the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor correlated the number of stroke victims with their proximity to fast food restaurants. A spokeswoman for the National Restaurant Association said "this...
300-Pound, Chain-Smoking Alcoholic Pill-Popper Afraid Of Dying From Global Warming Beaner, Tennessee - Jonnie Ben Johnson, a 41 year old Beaner homemaker, admits that she's petrified by the thought of dying from global warming, saying, "It scares...
Health Inspectors in Austin, Texas have ordered a recall of all products ever shipped from a now-closed a US Peanut plant in Plainview amid a nationwide salmonella outbreak. The order came Thursday evening from the Department of State Health Servi...
According to reports, people of all ages are inserting objects into themselves. While it's been known to happen from time to time, now it seems to be epidemic. Professionals at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Cleveland, Ohio, told an annual meet...
Born with a rare, debilitating glandular disorder plus a hypothyroid problem, 475-pound Stinking Creek resident, Paul Don Henderson helped himself to a fifth serving of fried catfish, mashed potatoes and popped his 21st hush puppy into his pie hole a...
Researchers at the University of Lyef on the outskirts of Amsterdam in The Netherlands have published a paper in the New England Journal of Medicine contesting that the generally accepted Germ Theory of Disease is actually wrong. They suggest that...
Following an announcement from the Department Of Health and Wellness that kebab shop punters may just as well swallow two glasses of used cooking oil as have a doner kebab, we were contacted by respected dietician Ali Bullo, who told us: "Is not t...
Aspirin has been reclassified as a class A drug, introducing the possibility of lifetime imprisonment for anyone caught supplying the former headache suppressant. Home secretary Jacqui Smith cited the "uncertainty" surrounding the effects of the d...
NY State Governor David Paterson announced a new plan to expand health care coverage for thousands of under insured New Yorkers. The plan's centerpiece involves the registration and licensure of informal practitioners who currently operate outside th...
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