Washington DC: The heinous three murders committed recently in Kansas, Arkansas and Washington DC by three deranged individuals has led the National Institutes of Health (NIH) to examine if a shared pathogen is the cause of these hate crimes. NIH...
After being burdened with the worst possible ministerial position in the UK government, new health minister Andy Bum-ham gave his first upbeat interview on our fav breakfast show hosted by cuddly "Billy Boy" and Kate "the Bitch next door." Cuddly...
Parents refusing to have their nippers vaccinated against measles are to be pressure-ganged by the new, shiny black turned over a new leaf, jackbooted, non-corrupt Labour/NS-GB government. These hard-core tactics are being introduced by "Herr" Bro...
It has been revealed that the Paeter Pan of pop, Michael Jackson, who was recently revealed to be suffering from skin cancer, or not, depending on your sources has been refusing to eat more than one meal a day as he fears that putting on weight will...
Today leading Acupuncture therapist 'Dr' Tanya Brainstorm denounced the government for allowing 'un-spiritually tested' treatments such as medicine and surgery to be available on the NHS. "This is a terrible situation and really is a sign of the t...
Thousands of British women have been fleeing John Bull's island because the British males are, well, less than John Bullish, so to speak. Studies of British male virility have revealed that the British boys have lost their spunk. Ladies of the co...
UK Health Officials warned today that a hay fever pandemic was about to blitz the UK. Symptoms are said to manifest themselves in continuous sneezing, a runny nose, and teary eyes. Opinion is divided as to what causes the mysterious ailment, with...
Scientists in Oxford today announced the discovery of new forms of human parasites, the Primi Ministeriae, and began reseaching effective pesticides to get rid of them. 'The parasites were spotted in West London', parasitologist Dr Jeckyll Wormta...
After months of government scaremongering, and using the outbreak of a distant relation of the common cold to blank out bad news about failing banks and Labour MPs being thieves, it was finally admitted that the pandemic they'd tried to make people g...
Dyslexics were on alert worldwide after discovering that the swine flu virus had mutated through spelling to a deadly variant muscular disease, sinew flu. In a statement, the Dyslexic World Health Organisation (HOW) said: "Now that this disease ca...
Middle class families and Guardian readers where in a state of panic up and down the brasseries and gastro pubs of Britain today after the Government announced the new pandemic - Wine Flu. The symptoms of wine flu are headaches, loss of memory, a...
Large areas of East London remained cordoned-off today by the army and police. Elsewhere in the country, people from East London are being asked to make their way, silently, to rapidly constructed isolation centres. Medical experts and linguists...
A laboratory in Switzerland where stocks of the Swine Flu antiviral drug are produced, is shut tonight after it emerged that staff there have demanded a 3,000% pay rise. The lab closed down at 3pm today when 15 workers, mainly unskilled peons who...
Food maker, Bull & Fence is to discontinue a biscuits range for babies which was found to contain Food. The Children's Food Campaign discovered it was among more than 50 products with higher-than-suggested levels of Food. Obesity The Foo...
A statement issued by a bunch of Harley Street Doctors earlier today sent shockwaves through the world's drinking fraternity. The statement maintained that excessive drinking could result in 'a smack in the face' in a crowded kebab shop, extended...
A Dudley man has today been diagnosed with a cold. He was reported to be sneezing, coughing, and felt a bit sweaty and tired. He claims that he caught the cold from a friend of his, who had recently returned from holiday in Mexico. It is thought t...
In the wake of the recent swine flu scare, many Americans have been rushing to their local supermarkets to purchase soap and hand sanitizer. The recent high demand for these products has caused the prices for these products to go up tremendously.
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