Now that cold and flu season is here, here's some tips, courtesy of TheSpoof.com, for staying healthy. 1. People who exercise regularly usually stay healthier. Try to marry someone like this so they can go to work when you can't. 2. There is a large increase in flu cases after Christmas. Convert to Judaism. 3. If you get sick, try to stay indoors for a few days and drink lots o...
The World Health Organization today issued a Global Warning officially naming Barack Hussein Obama a PANDEMIC! The unprecedented action from an agency more intent on equalizing wealth amongst the world's population, was forced into the proclamati...
Stovington, Vermont - Dr. Denninger of the Center for Disease Control has confirmed that this latest strain of flu, know as "SuperFlu" or "Captain Tripps" is now at the level of a national emergency. Government officials have heretofore been retic...
Tissue manufacturers are becoming increasingly concerned over the spread of a fungus apparently living off tissue paper which has been found in batches of tissues and toilet paper rolls across the globe. Once the fungus gets inside the pack of tissue it starts to make the tissue its home while travelling around the world for its customer. During this time it absorbs goodness in the tissue and i...
Every City, U.S.A. - Up until the eighties it was the glory days for smokers. Ash trays on every desk, ash trays outside of elevators, doctors walking through hospitals smoking, planes, trains, buses...it was a thing of beauty. However, nothing t...
Doctors working at the Univ. of TX., in Austin have petitioned the American Medical Association to define and treat Liberalism as a disease, not unlike Alcoholism. After evaluating the study the AMA has agreed. Liberal behavior, they define as mixtur...
A man who is thought by many in his local pub to be the most boring man on Earth has taken up a post of Human Anaesthetic at Bradford Royal Infirmary. The man, Adrian Lipstick, about 45, regularly bores the arse off drinkers at the Horse and Cobbl...
In a bid to combat the media coverage received by northern doctors, doctors from the south of England are campaigning for alcohol breaks for the retired and very young. Dr. Peter Grimson from one children's hospital feels those falling outside of...
(Washington, D.C.) In a move as surprising as his being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, President Barack Obama announced at a press conference that he would be issuing a tax on the ReCAPTCHA system in order to pay for the projected $900 million health...
Atlanta, Georgia - The CDC announced that in spite of billions of dollars of research money having been invested, scientists are no closer to a cure for Vice Versa Syndrome then they were in 1882 when it was first identified. Vice Versa is a synd...
The condition of Gordon Brown's one working eye was "no cause for concern" a No.10 spokesperson said today. "It's perfectly natural for a person in a leadership position to shed a few tears now and again. Margaret Thatcher did it, Tony Blair did...
Washington - President Obama announced today that his number one priority as president is to make "Health care affordable for all Americans using a simple plan based making frequent hand washing available to all." Obama was shouted down by Republ...
COPENHAGEN, Denmark - General health claims for "earthworm" apples and meats have been dismissed by a team of experts from the European Union. Their 'opinions', based on corporate profit sheets, will now be voted on by an EU Committee which is dra...
WASHINGTON DC - Granny get your best dress on. This is your big night out, maybe your last night out. The new healthcare plan now includes a speedy test for cancer, and summary judgment for old folks who have a terminal case of it. According to...
According to a recent report from Plan International, thousands of children worldwide are working on tobacco farms and because of it are suffering from toxic levels of nicotine exposure. Handling tobacco leaves without gloves, the children can ab...
The new book by health guru Helen Strainhard is proving to be very popular with executives who simply are too busy to take exercise during the day. The book titled "Shitting is fitting" explains that using the toilet is often just a waste time. When...
Another nail in the coughing has been hammered into a major cigarette company by a man who attempted to commit suicide by smoking himself to death. Mr. Havalight, 59, is to sue Balsam and Bushes for one million pounds for wrongful advertising and...
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