The UK Government has announced a new set of safety rules designed to combat the spread of Swine Flu. From Monday 17th August it will be an offence under emergency health legislation to kiss, hug or hold hands with another person in a public place.
Every day that you open your morning newpapers on turn on the computer to check the Drudge Report and see that another 10,000 people have died from the Swine Flu is taking a risk according to Louisville St. Judes Hospital Psychologist Runt Swinborne.
Washington DC: The Foci for Science in the Pubic Interest (FSPI), known as the "hypocrite food police", has proposed that bowel movement index (BMI) be used as a basis to measure human fitness. A low BMI being good! Most people have a low BMI exce...
Former Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius, who was sworn in as Secretary of Health and Human Services by the United States Senate on April 29, 2009 is taking her Health Czar appointment by President Obama seriously. Yesterday, Sebelelius received t...
Washington DC: A two decade study of monkeys has found that reducing calories by almost a third slowed their aging and fended off death. Calorie reduction also delays the diseases of aging in primates, namely rhesus monkeys. Dr. Edward Fujimoto no...
Washington DC: Congress has finally reached a compromise on a Health Care bill to cover all Americans. This reform bill balances the level of care and cost, such that President Obama is expected to sign it into law. The bill considers only the gov...
Washington DC: The heinous three murders committed recently in Kansas, Arkansas and Washington DC by three deranged individuals has led the National Institutes of Health (NIH) to examine if a shared pathogen is the cause of these hate crimes. NIH...
After being burdened with the worst possible ministerial position in the UK government, new health minister Andy Bum-ham gave his first upbeat interview on our fav breakfast show hosted by cuddly "Billy Boy" and Kate "the Bitch next door." Cuddly...
Parents refusing to have their nippers vaccinated against measles are to be pressure-ganged by the new, shiny black turned over a new leaf, jackbooted, non-corrupt Labour/NS-GB government. These hard-core tactics are being introduced by "Herr" Bro...
It has been revealed that the Paeter Pan of pop, Michael Jackson, who was recently revealed to be suffering from skin cancer, or not, depending on your sources has been refusing to eat more than one meal a day as he fears that putting on weight will...
Today leading Acupuncture therapist 'Dr' Tanya Brainstorm denounced the government for allowing 'un-spiritually tested' treatments such as medicine and surgery to be available on the NHS. "This is a terrible situation and really is a sign of the t...
Thousands of British women have been fleeing John Bull's island because the British males are, well, less than John Bullish, so to speak. Studies of British male virility have revealed that the British boys have lost their spunk. Ladies of the co...
UK Health Officials warned today that a hay fever pandemic was about to blitz the UK. Symptoms are said to manifest themselves in continuous sneezing, a runny nose, and teary eyes. Opinion is divided as to what causes the mysterious ailment, with...
Scientists in Oxford today announced the discovery of new forms of human parasites, the Primi Ministeriae, and began reseaching effective pesticides to get rid of them. 'The parasites were spotted in West London', parasitologist Dr Jeckyll Wormta...
After months of government scaremongering, and using the outbreak of a distant relation of the common cold to blank out bad news about failing banks and Labour MPs being thieves, it was finally admitted that the pandemic they'd tried to make people g...
Dyslexics were on alert worldwide after discovering that the swine flu virus had mutated through spelling to a deadly variant muscular disease, sinew flu. In a statement, the Dyslexic World Health Organisation (HOW) said: "Now that this disease ca...
Middle class families and Guardian readers where in a state of panic up and down the brasseries and gastro pubs of Britain today after the Government announced the new pandemic - Wine Flu. The symptoms of wine flu are headaches, loss of memory, a...
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