COPENHAGEN, Denmark - General health claims for "earthworm" apples and meats have been dismissed by a team of experts from the European Union. Their 'opinions', based on corporate profit sheets, will now be voted on by an EU Committee which is dra...
WASHINGTON DC - Granny get your best dress on. This is your big night out, maybe your last night out. The new healthcare plan now includes a speedy test for cancer, and summary judgment for old folks who have a terminal case of it. According to...
According to a recent report from Plan International, thousands of children worldwide are working on tobacco farms and because of it are suffering from toxic levels of nicotine exposure. Handling tobacco leaves without gloves, the children can ab...
The new book by health guru Helen Strainhard is proving to be very popular with executives who simply are too busy to take exercise during the day. The book titled "Shitting is fitting" explains that using the toilet is often just a waste time. When...
Another nail in the coughing has been hammered into a major cigarette company by a man who attempted to commit suicide by smoking himself to death. Mr. Havalight, 59, is to sue Balsam and Bushes for one million pounds for wrongful advertising and...
A new World Health Association report states that you are more likely to die from crossing the road than smoking regularly. This shock announcement has sent tobacco shares soaring and there is even speculation that smoking may be allowed back in...
Breathing in may be bad for your health according to UK scientists, who have shown that breathing in can result in lungs being filled with potentially harmful bacteria. Test revealed that that air harbours any number of airborne bacteria and spore...
In a story likely to reach into the very hearts of America and beyond, the Federal Nutrition Council today added fried butter to the food pyramid. Following its introduction at the prestigious foodie event, The Texas State Fair, experts declared the...
Washington, DC - Epidemiologists working for the CDC have predicted that over 9 billion people will be infected this year alone by the H1N1 virus. Using computer models and sophisticated prediction methods, researchers have concluded that the number...
Durham, NC - Relief is coming for those who have always wanted to drink from an ashtray. Researchers at the Institute for Tobacco Studies announced the creation of a cigarette flavoring that can be added to coffee drinks. John Bloom of the ITS sa...
Warm, moist environments have forever attracted fungal growth, and modern households often provide the perfect environments for a variety of unwanted flora. Many fungal infections that afflict humans are prevented by good bacteria that naturally l...
President Obama has triumphantly announced the purchase of the British National Health Service for immediate transfer across the pond. Advance elements of NHS shock troops will land in Chesapeake Bay next Tuesday, provided that it is not a Bank Ho...
Adolescents the world over, when they aren't stealing hooded tops, snorting alcopops and bumming Grannies, are huge fans of High School Musical. My own feckless brood can often be found staring slack-jawed at the TV marvelling at the antics of gr...
Emergency Rooms are treating a brand new ailment-one they have temporarily dubbed "Town Hall Throat" - a painful condition brought on by the crescendo of choreographed Town Hall screaming by opponents of health care reform. "Our ER admissions fo...
After recent announcements pertaining to a future "black hole" in pension funds the US/UK have reversed their smoking bans in public places, encouraging the whole world to follow suit and SMOKE, SMOKE, SMOKE and more f*****g SMOKE TILL YOU DROP! I...
As an homage to the Brown Shirts of yore, die-hard opponents of health care for all Americans are attempting to dominate the debate through the time honored tactics of out-shouting, intimidation and purchasing tea bags. Kudos to them. Using comple...
The UK Government has announced a new set of safety rules designed to combat the spread of Swine Flu. From Monday 17th August it will be an offence under emergency health legislation to kiss, hug or hold hands with another person in a public place.
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