A premature ejaculator, who I can't name here for legal reasons because I could possibly incriminate myself, or him, or both of me, today said that he wanted to wish everybody in Spoofland a Happy Christmas. The premature ejaculator, when challeng...
In honor of the peaceful and democratic people of Israel, and their sensitive handling of a handful of armed gangsters in the Gaza Strip there, US President Obama today released his own version of 'Jingle Bells' for his Israeli fans: 'Dashing through the sand In a one-man open tank O'er stolen Pali land Laughing as we slay Can't hear a US voice Telling us what's right Oh, what fun it...
US President Barack Obama, elected on a promise of taking US troops out of their illegal occupation of Iraq, today released his version of John Lenin's 'Happy Xmas (War Is Over) to try and boost his feeble Presidency, and these are the lyrics: 'So this is Christmas And what have I done? Another year over A new one begun And so this is Christmas I hope you have fun Me and Dick Cheney Th...
It is with a false patina of regret that many County Councils in the Northwest of the UK have decided, in their extremely finite wisdom, to forbid all commercial Christmas festivities this year, and for the foreseeable future. Not to save offendin...
Pat sat drinking tea with his cat Jess on his lap in Mrs. Miggins' living room. He was taking his usual thirteenth break of the morning as, of course, part of his job as a postman was to chat with all the people in Glendale. 'Well, Pat', Mrs. Miggins said, passing him another slice of carrot cake, 'I expect you'll be wanting to get back on your rounds soon'. 'I suppose so', he replied, yawning...
After a spate of suicide bombings in Pakistan the Pakistani tourist Board have decided to offer sensation seeking, blood thirsty, extreme action hungry voyeurs (enough of them on the motorways after a bloody accident!) a series of package holidays in...
Bob Dylan's Old Timey Christmas Television Special featuring: Andy Williams Cher Keith Richards June Taylor Dancers Shecky Greene Alicia Keys Miley Cyrus knock knock knockin' on santa's door, indeed... "Nobody believed I was gonna do a Christmas album and now nobody believes I filmed a Christmas show," growls a quietly defiant Bob Dylan. "I live my life and it surprises people, surp...
Al Gore was rocked on his heels..taken aback..well, he blinked twice, by the news that the cause of global warming that is melting ice shelves are not the result of factory pollution after all but to Santa Claus and his male elves discovering Viagra...
The town of Rochdale, in Lancashire, England, has declared that Christmas is to to be celebrated on the 22nd of August this year. Local mayor, Stan Halfwit, said "This will make a substantial saving for the people of Rochdale. We are all as tight as...
Santa Claus (a.k.a. Kris Kringle, Father Christmas, and by many other names) has announced that he is sick of the traditional plates of goodies left by children the world over. In fact, Jolly Old St. Nicholas stated in a press release that "milk and...
The Government is moving Christmas forward by several months so that consumers will be encouraged to spend more in shops. Moving Christmas to August will hopefully encourage a spending blitz to boost the government's coppers. Also, a 'Christmas...
Angry parents will be protesting today outside number 10, in a bid to raise awareness of the serious problem in their town. All two of them will have travelled many miles today from their home in Scummingham, some even giving up their day of watch...
Pope Benedictine XIV today delivered a rather muddled Easter message in Rome today, causing much confusion amongst the thousands of faithful gathered there, and even some heckling. 'Ave Romani', the German said, 'today is Easter Sunday, and I stan...
Add another chalk mark to your score on the list of the zany Circus tour series. Mama Jamie Spears may have her daughter Britney on a tight leash, seeing a whole team of psychiatrists and a few bodyguards but it's good to see she's the same old id...
Queen Elizabeth is to deliver her annual Christmas speech by Twitter. The 15 minute message to the Commonwealth will be replaced with a 140-character statement. The Queen already has 4,149 followers on her twitter account. Besides the pre-recor...
Sales of unwanted trash in UK stores are doing well, say experts, due principally to the Credit Crunch, the inability of some shops to carry on trading, and the fact that some Britons are just so fucking greedy, they will buy ANYTHING, so long as it'...
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