Almost New York - The judge in the Eric Gardner police brutality case put a lid on the release of evidence and souvenir transcripts used by the grand jury to reach its mystifying decision. Good thing we had our judicial fly on the wall to listen in on juror comments. Here are some of their choice remarks: "I'm glad I live on an island." "If he wanted to breathe, he should've brought alon...
WASHINGTON - A new budget deal negotiated by senate majority leader Harry Reid (D Nev) and republicans will be vetoed by President Obama if necessary. Under the terms of the $444 billion agreement, lawmakers would phase out all tax breaks for clean...
The newly formed "Apathy" party which sprung up almost overnight via social networking websites came in for a slamming by David Cameron at a meeting of The Conservative Party in Scunthorpe Working Men's club last night. "Apathy is endemic in our poli...
Labour front bencher Seely Kau today expressed "regret for any offence I may have caused" after tweeting a photograph she had taken of a Rochester UKIP voter's house on which she had spray painted a phallus. Ms Kau, who lives in a £3 million house...
Washington - A new study by the Centers for Disease Control has found that the common "get well" card is the leading carrier of the deadly Ebola virus. The government health agency has issued emergency usage guidelines in response. "Your typical g...
Washington -- Bra and panty emporium Victoria's Secret is combining with the Secret Service to create the most secret organization that the world has ever known. "We are doubly secret, which makes us twice as secret than any other entity in the un...
Prime Minister, David Cameroon, has come up with a clever plan to embarrass Labour by promoting a TV debate with Class War before the next election. He argued that there was a 'groundswell of opinion that dismissed all the effing political parties...
Washington - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have issued an urgent advisory, calling on Americans to wash their hands carefully after voting in this year's midterm elections. The procedure is called the Pontius Pilate Gambit, af...
Joni Ernst, the GOP candidate for the U.S. Senate in Iowa today spoke about the "sanctity of sacred sperm." "While it is true that a fertilized egg is a person, which is my position that certainly outlaws abortion in the cases of rape or incest,...
In the United States, one of the main topics of academic political science is the study of public opinion and politicians' response. In the work it's concluded that for roughly 70% of the population - the lower 70% on the wealth/income scale - they...
When Dylan White's 4th grade teacher, Cheryl Glands, asked him to stand in a straight line before gym class last week, he answered her: "No." White, who is openly homosexual, said he refuses to be, "Coerced into societally-constructed sexual comp...
Washington DC -- Under fire for long harboring a racially inappropriate team identity, this city's NFL franchise has changed its logo from the silhouette of a Native American warrior to the image of a potato. "This should make everybody happy," a...
The US Department of Applied Phobias (USDAP) has just released a new list of phobias to be applied to political opponents of the current administration. This list was created in order to head off what looks to be a major collapse of the Democrat Part...
Sesame Street, USA - Police in Missouri are being told how to get to Sesame Street for career counseling and psychological reprogramming. "Every little boy plays soldier at some time in his development," said Evelyn Puchlens, executive director of...
WASHINGTON - Amid national and international crises, the US House of Representatives could not confirm the color of the sky. House Resolution 461, called for Congress to declare that the sky is blue. The resolution was proposed by Representative...
(Kiev) In a breathtakingly stunning tour-de-force; merging diplomacy, mercantilism, foreign affairs, public health and national defense, today Dick Cheney announced that he has brokered an epic exchange between Liberia and Ukraine. In a classical...
Washington D.C.-Earlier this morning, an internal investigation conducted by the NSA revealed that almost all Senators and Congressmen are disguised lizard-people, causing Americans everywhere to smack themselves in the head, exclaim "Oh, duh!" and b...
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