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Spoof stories written by Jimbo123

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Funny story: "Anne Robinson - You are the bleakest link! - Goodbye!"

"Anne Robinson - You are the bleakest link! - Goodbye!"

Anne Robinson has the dubious accolade of being the only presenter worldwide to win more prize money than the hapless contestants she enjoys humiliating. The average winnings per show are a miserly £1,000 but plastic faced Robinson cashes in a han...

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Funny story: Scottish parliament Lockerbie fiasco - "We just needed something to do"

Scottish parliament Lockerbie fiasco - "We just needed something to do"

If you were the most hated man in Britain who would you choose to help with a 'get out of jail free' card? Someone highly respected and beyond reproach? Well, sort of. Abdelbaset al-Megrahi wisely chose an enormous lesbian as his brief who is beyo...

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Funny story: Tony Blair facing prison

Tony Blair facing prison

Many would love the expression "Chickens come home to roost" tattooed on Tony Blair's forehead but he won't need any reminding of it's meaning. Throughout his shameful premiership, he promised the earth to brainwashed 'believers' and left spin doc...

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Funny story: Robotic Michael Jackson not ready for 'Ascension' tour

Robotic Michael Jackson not ready for 'Ascension' tour

Greedy record executives have recovered far more of Michael Jackson than they expected. Most of his face was 'non-biodegradable' & 'hand washable' and his brain was 'perfectly preserved' in alcohol and barbituates. Seperately in Japan, Sony ha...

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Funny story: Isle of Wight goes missing

Isle of Wight goes missing

Residents of Lynmington woke up this morning to an uninterupted sunrise over the English Channel indicating quite simply that the Isle of Wight had gone. Only the Grade I listed needles lighthouse remained together with a note stating the British...

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Funny story: FSA banned from giving advice

FSA banned from giving advice

The FSA is to be mothballed by the incoming government after it failed in all it's statutory objectives. It's 2,800 workers will be put on gardening leave from next week with the possibility of moving to the treasury or OFT at a later date. In a d...

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Funny story: Fergie bankrupt

Fergie bankrupt

"What goes up, must come down" as Sarah Ferguson found out between 1986 and yesterday after she left Camberwell Magistrates court with just £1.20 on an Oyster Card and a copy of "Budgie all at sea" - loaned to her on 'compassionate' grounds. When...

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Funny story: Top Gear to build world's tallest car

Top Gear to build world's tallest car

Plans are afoot to construct the worlds tallest car with the driver sitting in a 'crows-nest' up to 80ft above the road. Critics had been concerned the popular show would end up passed it's sell by date like initial classics 'Fools & Horses',...

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Funny story: Muslim veil banned on safety grounds

Muslim veil banned on safety grounds

The face covering veils know as 'Niqab' or shuttlecock 'Burqa' are to be banned on health and safety grounds. The ruling marks a breakthrough for the Health and Safety executive who have not been able to pass any 'common sense' laws since the abol...

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Funny story: FIFA - "We'll move the goalposts at Rio 2014"

FIFA - "We'll move the goalposts at Rio 2014"

FIFA have admitted they are looking at ways to make the next world cup more entertaining including widening the goal. A spokesman commented - "Whilst there was plenty of shooting going on outside the ground last night, there wasn't much going on i...

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Funny story: Interest rates 10% by Christmas

Interest rates 10% by Christmas

Respected city dustman Paul Miners said he expects the Bank of England to raise interest rates to an eye watering 10.5% by the end of the year. Whilst the rate of 0.5% remained unchanged at the July meeting of the MPC, August onwards is expected t...

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Funny story: Future asylum seekers will have to prove they are gay

Future asylum seekers will have to prove they are gay

Mr T from Cameroon and Priscilla Tickle from Iran have won a landmark immigration appeal, overturning the decision to deport them, which had been based on them being able to conceal their horniness in their barbaric home countries. However this is...

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Funny story: Borrowing to invest - the £800,000,000,000 lie

Borrowing to invest - the £800,000,000,000 lie

What does borrowing to invest mean? Essentially it is buying or building of an asset with the aim of returning a profit/benefit/value/service/income to the investor above and beyond the transaction and borrowing costs perhaps in perpetuity. A good ex...

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Funny story: 'Birds and Bees' replaced by 'Bees and Banks'

'Birds and Bees' replaced by 'Bees and Banks'

Dating website S-Harmony claims "pairings are predetermined using a system of basic quantitative signals" - whatever that means. Scientists, however, take a more prosaic view claiming men simply want looks and women want money or as anthropologist...

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Funny story: Paul Gascoigne helping search for Raoul Moat

Paul Gascoigne helping search for Raoul Moat

Police have revealed that as the search for Raoul Moat has entered it's 6th day, the nearby search for Paul Gascoigne is entering it's second week. "We need to speak to Mr Gascoigne urgently about the disappearance of a distillery in Blyth and the...

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Funny story: Can we avoid a 'Fork-lift ambulance' future?

Can we avoid a 'Fork-lift ambulance' future?

The government is finally to get tough on greedy, lazy children after years of useless guidance and advice. "You can lecture an 8yr old about healthy eating until you are blue in the face but it won't stop them wanting fried chicken or sweets. Th...

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Funny story: Raoul Moat found with Justin Bieber

Raoul Moat found with Justin Bieber

Alleged psychopath Raoul Moat as been found on the summit of Tosser Hill in Northumbria with a Howitzer artilery gun and Justin Beiber. Many other weapons were also discovered including a Macmillan sniper rifle and a Patriot missile launcher on the b...

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