WARNING: This article was written by a severely angry, lonely, aging, balding, alcoholic who knows absolutely nothing about dating and who is currently suffering a severe mid-life crisis. It also contains needless and vile descriptions of anal explosions, butt-sex, pre-ejaculatory fluid, and jerking-off. If you consider yourself to be a decent and moral person, you will probably turn your compu...
Recently, Catherine Parker of Nashville, Tennessee, made the extremely personal decision to put herself out there.
“I'm ready,” she said. “This decision didn't come easily, but I've been working on Me for a long time, and it's really paid off. I'm...
Happy couple Jake Reed and Marla Moss, who first encountered each other over five months ago on the online dating site Bumble, have decided to take their relationship to the next level and go on an actual date.
For the first three months after th...
Sickeningly-sweet New York City couple, Jason Morley and Carolyn Shea, recently – and reluctantly – revealed to their friends that they met offline, rather than through an online dating site.
“We actually met waiting in line at a coffee shop,” sa...
To his dismay, penthouse playboy Earl Cook says that he's encountered unexpected difficulties in finding a quality mistress due to his intense aversion to spending money on anyone other than himself.
An impressive example of pull-yourself-up-by-yo...
At the age of 33, Giselle Watson of New York City was still single, and for the life of her, she couldn't understand why.
"Actually, that's not quite true," Giselle admits now with an embarrassed smile, catching herself in her own lie. "I'd let my...
Portland. In an attempt to jump-start his dating life, Butch Putts, a freshman at the local college, registered his profile with an online dating site, Last Best Hope Dating, Inc.
LBHD is currently offering a 20% discount for first-time daters and a 95% discount for returning daters, who've lost all hope but are willing to give it another try. "At 95% off, what do I have to lose but a little...
New York City, NY - Women across New York City now require breakup fees before they agree to a second date. The women can demand the fee payment only if the relationship doesn't work out.
"It goes like this," said one woman who asked not to be n...
ASHBURN, VA--While browsing Facebook Tuesday, area man Robbie Harrison stumbled upon the account of ex-girlfriend Carrie Close, replete with postings concerning her wedding next April. After careful consideration, Harrison concluded that Close, with...
In a bizarre and creepy statement, candidate Donald Trump said he would be dating a supermodel's daughter if he were not married. The only trouble is the "young woman" in question is the as yet to be born daughter of supermodel Taylor Kirsten.
Washington, DC - a recent study of 3000 women around the globe, found that nearly three quarters of them found men to be sexiest when standing in a thai-chi, karate stance, regardless of ethnicity.
This peeked our sexual curiosity around the offic...
1. I left my wallet at home.
2. Gee, you remind me of my mother.
3. I have a slight touch of Ebola but it will pass.
4. I think George W. Bush is probably one of this century's greatest leaders next to Tony Blair and the late great Ronald Reagan.
5. Love is not sex.
6. My dad is a funeral director. That's why I work in health insurance. What do you do?
7. If I was a woman I'd sta...
A spokesman for the Union of One Day Datebots has announced that the escort automatons will no longer accept the custom of older homo sapiens.
In a surprise move, the robots have declared that they would deny their service to both mammals over the...
We at SpoofFeed were genuinely interested in what your dating turn-offs are and the deal-breakers that make you wanna run for the door and bail out on your date and rob them of any confidence that they had, publicly humiliate them and leave them as a mangled shell of their former self. We went out to the streets of L.A and asked some young people we found and this is what they had to say.
Grace Power - Tattoo Artist (35)
Short haired lady with muscular build whose interests include pumping iron, spitting and football. Is looking for a professional and handsome business-like man.
Murray Miller - Retired Factory Assistant (104)
4 ft 4 in height, decrepit, wrinkly and covered in moles and liver spots who enjoys waking up in the morning. Is seeking a woman who can take him to...
Sexy chat farmers: Phone:
Who's a dirty farmer?
My Big end has gone on Massive Ferguson
Coupling muck spreaders
Your turn in the barrel
Putting it about
Draw bar dynamics
Jug sizes (metric)
Here's a list of things you shouldn't say on a first date, particularly if you want a second date. To be nonsexist, I've included some things for the ladies, too. Of course, if you're not interested in the person and want nothing to do with them after the first date, this could be a guide to "what to say on a first date":
1) I had venereal disease a few times, but not to worry, my doctor gave m...
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