CHICAGO - Recent studies which were conducted at Chicago's Windy City Community College have revealed that the American middle class is shrinking. Dr. Uriah H. Tillerwell, who has a Masters Degree in Statistical Stats and a Ph.D. in Crop Rotation,...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama cut short his planned day of golf and hurried back to the White House when he heard on CNN that there is a possibility of Al Qaeda operatives living in Yuma, Arizona. The president said that the rumors came from...
DENVER - Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper has just informed all of the law enforcement departments in the state that no one will be taking vacations the week of Spring Break. The governor stressed that the state is expecting upwards of 6 millio...
COLORADO SPRINGS - The dean of Zebulon Pike College, which is located in Colorado Springs has just informed the news media that the school will be undergoing a name change. Dean Lennox Woodpulp, III, stated that after receiving a petition signed b...
VANCOUVER, WA-What was supposed to be a simple coffee purchase turned in to a critical moment in the career of George Blankenship, associate professor of English at Washington State University Vancouver as he exchanged glances with one of his Feminis...
A Harvard Research Study released today proves that homeless dogs, reguardless of where they live, are better off then the homeless. "Dogs have the unique ability to survive the worst situations" says researcher Doug St. Charles. "Lets face it, d...
COLUMBUS, Ohio - Word filtering out of the dean's office at Ohio State University is that the school could be relocating to Denver, Colorado. An inside source stated that the college board of regents is considering the move due to the fact that th...
OSHKOSH, Wisconsin - Ever since she was in high school Rebecca Waxbuckle of Oshkosh said that she was always extremely popular with the boys. She pointed out that when she went to Johnny Appleseed University in Indianapolis she was voted The Fresh...
PASADENA, California - Old Man Winter did not make an appearance at The Rose Bowl as many Florida State and Auburn fans dressed in short sleeved shirts and shorts. Many of the female students wore halter tops and Daisy Duke shorts as they saw FSU...
CHICAGO - The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency has predicted that Colorado's population will double within the next 12 months. The ADGA stated that recent polls show that the fact that Colorado has made it legal to purchase marijuana has caused a...
One of these days I hope to be President of some club or something because I feel kind of 'presidential' every time my friends and I go out and smoke some and play some golf. This year I decorated my tree in blue and white lights with a Star of Da...
According to a recent study, College professors may very well be pushing their Liberal agendas on college students. Published by A.Y.R.S [Are.You.Really.Surprised] Journal, the shocking results of their study may lead conservative parents in the...
Here's a tip from an Old Time reporter: Get rid of any old sex toys or this might happen to you. Martha and I were saying goodbye to our grandson who was headed off to college when he came downstairs from the attic where he was looking for his luc...
"In this age of facebook likes, tweeter twits, doo-hickies, smart phones, and zippy dees, it's rare to find young people reading a book," declares Manny Zahrelik, Ph.D, professor of English Literature and Composition at Philistine University. Pro...
"She kept messing up the order!" stated local bar keep Jim Bean, "she'd suck it, slam it, then lick it. Then she'd try again. Slam it, suck it, lick it. Never in the right order!" When asked about the debacle, the cute patron replied "Does it rea...
In The Secret of Wealth and Happiness, Hu Humpher, under the pen name Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine, explains what led to his success: the Playboy Playmate. For anyone who may be visiting from another planet, a Playboy Playmate is a full-color, glossy, airbrushed photograph of a nude woman with a staple through at least one portion (and usually two) of her anatomy. She is also someti...
Hot-headed teen Johnny Storm rode his future brother-in-law's crotch rocket through what Reed Richards said was a stream of "cosmic rays" but which, in the comic book sequence during which this scene occurs, off-screen, so to speak, in shadows, beneath a full room, amid wine and roses, looks much like gobs of Richards' ejaculate. The experience changed both partners forever, as it did onlookers...
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