Sir Paul McCartney has said that he will record an album later this summer with a South African musical ensemble, with the central focus on the vuvuzela, that annoying trumpet thingy from the World Cup. McCartney, the former Beatle, who seemingly...
Torquay hotelier Basil Flawty has some excellent advice for the the England team ahead of Sunday's last sixteen clash with Germany in Bloemfontein. Flawty reckons that if the England players can get settled early on, and not mention the war (eithe...
So it's England v Germany in the last 16 of the World Cup. It had to happen sooner or later. Nothing to worry about - at least according to High Street butcher, Jack Jones, of Walmington on sea, who has a few tips for Steven Gerrard and the lads when...
Heads will roll, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's responsible for the debacle? I see five (be)headings and five corresponding penalties: The coach, Domenech. He will have his eyebrows shaved on prime time TV. The French Football Federation: the bosses will undergo compulsory lipposuccion. The players: their Nintendo consoles will be confiscated and access to call-girls denied for 4 years. T...
"Go f*** yourself in the a**, you son of a wh***" is what Nicolas Anelka is alleged to have told his coach, shattering the peace and tranquility of France, throwing a former superpower of the world into political and economic chaos. A study conducted...
Chumps Elysee, Paris: In events that bear all the hallmarks of another Revolution in France to start the next Republic, the strike of the French National Football team has placed President Sarkastikozy before the guillotine. Air traffic controlle...
People's Korea - Pyongyang - Official report of the match of the glorious DPRK against the black-hearted philistines of the reactionary running dogs of Portugal. Filled with tears of boundless gratitude to the respected and beloved Supreme Command...
The greatest Man, Lover, Warrior, and Football player of all time, Kim Jung Ill, has declared, "Ultimate Victory," in North Korea's bid to win the 2010 World Cup, despite the fact that ESPN is reporting that North Korea was eliminated by Portugal 7-0...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, currently recuperating from a split eyebrow and a broken thumb as a result of being a dopey twonk and not looking where he was going, today announced that he was, "utterly knackered" despite having done very little, if...
Robben Island, South African World Cup: In a story reminiscent of the ''Smithy'' sketch performed by James Corden, in which the comedian tries to encourage the England players, Pavlos Joseph, 32, from Crystal Palace, south-east London, is staying at...
Insiders in the England camp tell us that the entire squad is unsettled, and growing increasingly frustrated with the iron discipline enforced by Fabio Capello. We were reliably informed that Peter Crouch is desperately missing the dulcet tones an...
LOS ANGELES - Justin Bieber was having lunch at a local Jack-in-The-Box when he received a text message from his manager. He was informing him that the president of North Korea Kim Jong Il had just offered him 10 million Wons [$698,913 U.S.] to p...
Bolton funnyman and text sex star Vernon Kay nearly got more than he bargained for last night on James Corden's World Cup TV show. Apparently, some idiot came up with the idea of riding a surf board type thing in an inflatable paddling pool kind o...
England chieftain Fabio Capello has revealed his latest motivational ploy to kick-start his team's stuttering World Cup Campaign - he will shave his head and wear the hair as a beard for as long as England remain in the tournament. The (slap)head...
The England football team have expressed their wishes to be back home in England so they can catch the exciting knock out stages of the World Cup in South Africa. A number of England's big stars were disappointed when they were told they would hav...
France's dismal World Cup Campaign took a turn for the worst last night when it emerged there after game dinner was arranged for a Mexican Restaurant. The embarrassing 2-0 defeat last night to Mexico was only the start of a disastrous day for the Fr...
Scenes of joy and ecstasy were seen in the streets and villages across Ireland on Thursday as Mexico beat France 2-0. New Manchester United striker, Javier Hernandez started the party with, as one drunken Irish reveller described, "The best goal I...
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