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Funny satire stories about University

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Funny story: Rise in bees turning girls off university

Rise in bees turning girls off university

More and more girls are avoiding universities because of the increase in bees observed in academia. Female school-leavers are now 50 per cent less likely than males to end up at university. Many girls really hate bees, and the thought of being...

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Funny story: Students using rugs to boost exam performance

Students using rugs to boost exam performance

Increasing numbers of Britain's students are using hand-made drugs to boost their academic performance. Typically, students facing exams wrap a cosy rug around themselves whilst complaining that the exam hall is too cold. This procedure enables s...

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Funny story: Students to be given cards

Students to be given cards

Every student, at universities across the country, will be given a Christmas card under a scheme to make them feel more welcome on campus. In order to qualify, students will have to attend at least one lecture before terms ends in mid-December. In...

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Funny story: University offers local pay deal

University offers local pay deal

Bar staff at a Humberside pub could get extra payments - thanks to the unquenchable thirst of hardworking lecturers and professors at the local university. Since the introduction of all-day drinking, senior academics at Humberside University frequ...

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Funny story: Frustrated college graduates wipe asses with diplomas

Frustrated college graduates wipe asses with diplomas

U.S. college graduates, fed up with the job market and slow economy, have began wiping their asses with their diplomas in protest. The nationwide protests, known as the "Univershitty Protests," have spread online via social networks as th...

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Funny story: Students Quit University Over Summer Fiasco

Students Quit University Over Summer Fiasco

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Virginia - A group of over 100 students at the University of Virginia (U.Va.) declared on Friday that they were following the footsteps of several professors who resigned earlier over the university president's "near-death" experienc...

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Funny story: Maths A Level student uses Banach-Tarski paradox to prove twice as many students actually got A or A* as passed the exams at the top two grades

Maths A Level student uses Banach-Tarski paradox to prove twice as many students actually got A or A* as passed the exams at the top two grades

Faced with being on the borderline for acceptance to his preferred university place, an eighteen-year-old from Basingstoke has written a letter to the university's Maths department purporting to show that although he was awarded a B grade in Maths, i...

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Funny story: Penn State To Sell The Joe Paterno Statue

Penn State To Sell The Joe Paterno Statue

UNIVERSITY PARK, Pennsylvania - A spokesperson for the highly scandalized Penn State University has just confirmed reports that the school board of directors has voted unanimously to remove the 7-foot tall, 901 pound statue of former head coach Joe P...

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Funny story: Penn State Football Will Soon Be History

Penn State Football Will Soon Be History

UNIVERSITY PARK, Pennsylvania - Penn State University spokesperson Calhoun "Lips" Lippalino called a press conference and informed the news media that the university has received a certified letter from the NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Associat...

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Funny story: England Have 0.000765% Chance Of Winning Euro 2012 Says Dorking Academic

England Have 0.000765% Chance Of Winning Euro 2012 Says Dorking Academic

The England football team's chances of winning the Euro 2012 tournament have been rated as 0.000756% by a leading Dorking Professor, writes Sport, Fishing, Linoleum, Commercial Grass Cultivation, Wheelbarrow Design, Spats, Mathematics & Entertain...

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Funny story: Shuttlecock Row Divides Dorking Seat Of Learning

Shuttlecock Row Divides Dorking Seat Of Learning

The University of Dorking has been rocked by a controversy that threatens to have major repercussions for one of its prestige Departments, writes Storm In A Teacup Correspondent, Will Slather. This controversy, which threatens major repercussions,...

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Funny story: Oxford University's Pushy Parents - The Answer

Oxford University's Pushy Parents - The Answer

A top academic reckons he has the perfect answer to 'pushy parents' who are increasingly encouraging their children to query marks at institutions such as Oxford University. These parents have become accustomed to paying for re-sits and re-marks a...

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Funny story: Durham Plans To Join Oxbridge - Top Academic 'Not Interested'

Durham Plans To Join Oxbridge - Top Academic 'Not Interested'

Durham University plans to become the "Oxbridge of the North" with an ambitious plan to hire 50 extra professors and develop innovative areas of research. Like Oxford and Cambidge, historic Durham operates a collegiate system, but it has never ran...

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Funny story: Researchers Find Shorter Titles And Sentences In Articles Are More Likely To Be Read Than If One Tries To Put Too Much Before Readers All At Once, 9 Times Out Of 10

Researchers Find Shorter Titles And Sentences In Articles Are More Likely To Be Read Than If One Tries To Put Too Much Before Readers All At Once, 9 Times Out Of 10

Cambridge, U.K. - Researchers at Cambridge University have found that, when constructing titles for online publications, doesn't matter what type or genre they are, just online ones, nothing specific, are more likely to be read by the vast majority of people, i.e. the audience, readers, those lumps of organic material staring blindly into cyberspace , hoping to be awaken by some thunderbolt of int...

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Funny story: Michael Gove's A-Level Shake-Up: It's About Time, Says Top Academic

Michael Gove's A-Level Shake-Up: It's About Time, Says Top Academic

A top local academic has welcomed the Education Secretary's announcement that universities will take control of A-level syllabuses. In a letter to Ofqal, the qualifications watchdog, Michael Gove announced that ministers would relinquish control o...

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Funny story: Colorado Says College Students on Campus Can Carry Guns - One Professor Remarks "Okay, Every Student Attending My Classes Will Now Get A Passing Grade No Matter What"

Colorado Says College Students on Campus Can Carry Guns - One Professor Remarks "Okay, Every Student Attending My Classes Will Now Get A Passing Grade No Matter What"

DURANGO, Colorado - Students at Durango Junior College were jumping up and down with joy when they learned that a state judge had issued a ruling that students at Colorado colleges and universities will now be allowed to carry handguns on campus.

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Funny story: Happy Monday? Don't Make Me Laugh, Says Local Grump

Happy Monday? Don't Make Me Laugh, Says Local Grump

A local man has pooh-poohed the notion that today is the first happy day of the year. Psychologists claim that today, Monday, January 30, is the first happy day of the year because most Britons have just had their first pay cheque and have also pr...

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