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Funny satire stories about Supermarkets

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Funny story: Love to Love You Baby!

Love to Love You Baby!

In a vain attempt to regain tens of thousands of lost customers and some of it's zero rating credibility after last years so-called, 'price blitz' which saw prices actually skyrocketing, Tesco Supermarkets plan to put 'love' back into the chain. T...

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Funny story: Food Is A Lie

Food Is A Lie

Multi-million pound companies have been accused of forging 'place of origin' labels to put on their produce to seem more upmarket. It has been discovered they invent whole countries just to avoid putting "made in Slough" on a packet of spam. Back and...

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Funny story: Supermarket Wars start World War 3

Supermarket Wars start World War 3

Tossco, Britain's biggest and dearest Supermarket chain (after Wotrose) has suffered a fall in its UK sales for the fourth consecutive quarter, despite a £500 million discounting campaign. The latter produced fantastic discounts averaging as much as...

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Funny story: 5 out of 7 women use supermarket own brand toilet paper

5 out of 7 women use supermarket own brand toilet paper

A new study has found that, far from the luxury lifestyle women puport to have, the ladies of today are more than happy to clear away their business with own-brand low-grade toilet roll. Out of all women asked in the survey 3 were happy to tell u...

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Funny story: "It's not really stealing is it?" - The Worrall Thompson shoplifting saga continues

"It's not really stealing is it?" - The Worrall Thompson shoplifting saga continues

Several celebrity friends of shamed TV chef Anthony Worrall Thompson have been fighting his corner. They told a packed press-conference that - "sneaking a few extra items out of the self checkout at a supermarket Isn't really theft" and "that we all...

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Funny story: BBC axe investigation into Jimmy Savile

BBC axe investigation into Jimmy Savile

The BBC have dropped plans Newsnight to investigate the private life of Jimmy Savile, just weeks after he died in October. The Daily Fail newspaper reports that the Beeb had planned to examine the claims that Saville regularly stole cheese from h...

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Funny story: Coastguard called to Dorking supermarket

Coastguard called to Dorking supermarket

The Surrey coastguard were called to the Tesbury's Supermarket in Dorking yesterday to rescue Ashley Darr, a local resident, trapped in the vegetable isle. "It was terrible," said Celia North, manager of the store. "There were hundreds of people j...

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Funny story: Dorking Checkout operator goes postal

Dorking Checkout operator goes postal

A checkout operator at Tesbury's on the High Street was arrested yesterday after "going postal" as her manager described it. It required four police officers to subdue Hilary Dale as she rampaged around the fresh produce section hurling fruit and...

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Funny story: Supermarket Wars start WW3!

Supermarket Wars start WW3!

Tossco, Britain's biggest and dearest Supermarket chain (after Wotrose) has suffered a fall in its UK sales for the fourth consecutive quarter, despite a £500 million discounting campaign. The latter produced fantastic discounts averaging as much...

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Funny story: Brit supermarkets caught stealing in run up to Christmas!

Brit supermarkets caught stealing in run up to Christmas!

Several Brit supermarkets have been caught nicking from their punters by offering them "spoof" deals which are not quite what they seem. Many leading supermarket have been offering 1/2 price deals on many products leading up to the festive period...

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Funny story: First supermarket trolley for four kids rolled out across supermarkets

First supermarket trolley for four kids rolled out across supermarkets

A BOOM in multiple births has led to the first shopping trolley with four seats. The number of mums having twins rose to 12,000 last year, prompting supermarkets to trial the quad - with extra seats immediately behind the first - in Sandhurst, Berks.

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Funny story: Insanesburys asked to snoop for Government

Insanesburys asked to snoop for Government

London - A major UK supermarket chain is to spy on carers 'that the government may not know about' a red top report says today. Leading supermarket chain Insanesburys' staff will root out these off-the-radar individuals who have evaded Big Brothe...

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Funny story: Cashback Protesters Strike in Manchester

Cashback Protesters Strike in Manchester

Protesters against the expansion of the supermarket giant Tesbury's have struck in Manchester with a cash-back scam that has left the national chain of grocery stores fuming. "We're very disappointed," said Tesbury's managing director Tessa Coe. "...

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Funny story: Cheap beer offer causes supermarket stampedes in Scotland!

Cheap beer offer causes supermarket stampedes in Scotland!

The Scottish renowned for their tight-fistedness hit the jackpot yesterday after Tesco slashed the prices of their Stella Artois lagers. Instead of the normal price of three boxes for 20GBP they were going through the tills at 11GBP, a slight comp...

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Funny story: US Supermarkets Suspend Debit Card Acceptance After May 21 In Favor of '666' Forehead Tattoo

US Supermarkets Suspend Debit Card Acceptance After May 21 In Favor of '666' Forehead Tattoo

In preparation for the Rapture, which, according to some nutball who sells T-shirts is set to occur on May 21st, major US grocery stores have suspended acceptance of debit cards in favor of the Number Of The Beast, 666, tattooed to customer's heads.

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Funny story: Supermarket in the Firing Line

Supermarket in the Firing Line

After a minor scuffle at Fortnum and Mason's following the demonstrations against the Cuts attention has moved to the West country where local supermarket Tossco has been given a hefty kick in the Bristols. Powerful retailers are, it seems, the ta...

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Funny story: Beans Found In Aldi's Beans Tin

Beans Found In Aldi's Beans Tin

Mature Student Phil Yerboots, 36, from Swindon, got the shock of his adult life today when he opened a tin of his favourite 'Aldi's Own brand' Baked Beans and found nearly a dozen beans inside. 'I thought it was a joke at first, I wasn't amused at...

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