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Funny satire stories about Pensioners

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Funny story: Rooney being sued for damages after breaking war veteran's window

Rooney being sued for damages after breaking war veteran's window

Wayne Rooney is being sued for damages for breaking an 83 year old pensioner's window who served in World War Two. The event took place on Monday night when Wayne Rooney missed a penalty at Old Trafford when Manchester United played Arsenal and en...

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Funny story: Pensioner has her back door smashed in

Pensioner has her back door smashed in

An elderly woman from Margate was recovering today after her back door was smashed in by a rampaging Rottweiler dog. The pensioner was bending over to feed her cat when all of a sudden she felt a furry presence between her legs - as the cat fl...

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Funny story: Bus Passes thing of the Past

Bus Passes thing of the Past

The Government has announced a revision of the Bus Pass allowances for people under 90 years of age. Protests from elderly citizens have been met vigoursly by Ministers. Suggestions that the Conservatives are going back on election promises are be...

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Funny story: Government Taking the Piss over Pension Reforms

Government Taking the Piss over Pension Reforms

The government are currently assessing proposals to how State Pensions are calculated, with plans to move away from the age-assessment which has been in place since everything was in black and white and before the smile was invented. Working from...

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Funny story: Pension Age Set to Rise To 100

Pension Age Set to Rise To 100

Secret Government proposals are afoot to raise the pension age to one hundred years old. This comes in the wake of discussions by DWP Minister Ian Dunkel Smyth to raise the retirement age to 70. Under the new proposals, dubbed as work til you d...

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Funny story: Depraved pensioners forced to take desperate measures

Depraved pensioners forced to take desperate measures

Many desperate pensioners living well below the poverty line have decided to use a different tack after being totally ignored by their elected socialist betters despite their many entreaties over the decades, for a fair deal. Buy a fake Romainian passport for about twenty quid, a pair of dark bushy eyebrows from any reputable joke shop and a tin of light tan shoe polish for the swarthy alien co...

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Funny story: Pensioners - 'At Greater Risk Of Dying Than Youths'

Pensioners - 'At Greater Risk Of Dying Than Youths'

FRINTON-ON-SEA (Defecated News) - Soft cardigans, wide shoes and incontinence. That's what most of us think of when we imagine old folk. But now, socio-economico-physiologists tell us, death is what is in store for these citizens. A recent report...

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Funny story: The Windbag Kinnock Tapes: "Labour taxed the private pension funds, to help the pension funds!"

The Windbag Kinnock Tapes: "Labour taxed the private pension funds, to help the pension funds!"

In an exclusive preview of the new documentary series called, 'The Windbag Kinnock Tapes', Neil Kinnock talks about British Pensioners on Bournemouth beach. Neil Kinnock, in his own words: "…the kind of support that people who are left in this co...

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Funny story: Free PC for over eighty fives

Free PC for over eighty fives

The Government has announced that all pensioners over the age of eighty five are to be given free PC equipment. A spokesman for the government said "Quite frankly these old folks are letting the side down when it comes to improving our level of c...

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Funny story: 'Carbon Dating' - New singles club for OAPs opens

'Carbon Dating' - New singles club for OAPs opens

Join today, and reap some of our benefits including; free candlelit pureed meal Alzheimer's sufferers welcome nude bingo every Thursday 50 brands of gin available at bar weak tea and boring biscuits also served Alzheimer's sufferers welcome bring-a-waterbottle nights colostomy friendly Alzheimer's sufferers welcome huge Louis L'amour & Danielle Steel reading room...

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Funny story: Britain's Pensioners Turn To Heroin

Britain's Pensioners Turn To Heroin

Britain's pensioners are turning to hard core drugs in droves to escape the gritty reality of their useless lives in today's society, a report has today revealed. Pensioners are hounding down dealers on sink estates asking for cut price heroin and...

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Funny story: Gordon backs 'organs for nursing care' scheme for pensioners

Gordon backs 'organs for nursing care' scheme for pensioners

Gordon brown announced today that "wholesale reforms" of the way we have to pay for our retirement. With the slow increase in living expenses over the next 30 years expected, as well as having to sell your house and all other worldly posses...

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Funny story: Pension age raised again - Work 'till you drop message

Pension age raised again - Work 'till you drop message

Quietly announced at the back door of No.10 Downing Street at 0600 this morning, the State Pension Age has been raised to 89, in an effort to head off Britain's pension crisis.

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Funny story: Pensioners Protest at Festival Scandal

Pensioners Protest at Festival Scandal

A large group of pensioners, some in their late 80s, and at least one over 100 years old, gathered in Trafalgar Square today to protest about a lack of government funding for elderly visitors to music festivals.

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Funny story: Sainsbury's to ban pensioners on Saturdays

Sainsbury's to ban pensioners on Saturdays

Following complaints from a large number of customers, supermarket giants Sainsbury's have decided to take the unprecedented step of banning pensioners from all of their superstores on Saturdays.

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Funny story: "Mind if I join you?" Skaggy judge asked freed crack dealer OAP

"Mind if I join you?" Skaggy judge asked freed crack dealer OAP

GRANDMOTHER of five, Dorothea Wilberton, has sparked a legal controversy after a judge directed a jury to acquit the 76-year-old of drugs charges after accepting her argument that crack cocaine was 'like a tonic' to her.

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Funny story: Labour to remove burden of elderly care with compulsory euthanasia

Labour to remove burden of elderly care with compulsory euthanasia

In a shock statement today, Health Minister, Rosie Winterton disclosed that the government is to slash the financial burden of elderly care by making euthanasia compulsory at the age of 65.

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