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Funny satire stories about Paul Gascoigne

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Funny story: Bush blames Hammers for Gazza hell

Bush blames Hammers for Gazza hell

Upton Park - (Offside Mess): George W Bush has waded into the quagmire of British football tragedy and blamed West Ham FC player abstinence policies for Paul Gascoigne's plight. The 41 year old 57 times England-capped midfielder was notoriously re...

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Funny story: Attacks on Gazza condemned by everyone, everywhere

Attacks on Gazza condemned by everyone, everywhere

The recent horrific attacks on Gazza have been condemned by virtually everyone as unjust and unnecessarily harsh, the latest, coming as it does from a 12-year boy old called Regan, named after the original Sweeney pilot movie, who simply wishes that...

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Funny story: Israel invades Paul Gascoigne

Israel invades Paul Gascoigne

In a disastrous mix-up, the Israeli army has invaded Paul Gascoigne, the alcoholic ex-footballer who is also known by his nickname 'Gazza'. The Israeli Ambassador to Newcastle would not answer any questions but gave this statement: "One of our spi...

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Funny story: Newcastle Blurk Upset By Israeli Action

Newcastle Blurk Upset By Israeli Action

Newcastle man Wor Jackie today expressed his outrage at Israeli military action which has blighted the holiday season for many. An emotional Wor Jackie, slightly unsteady on his feet, told us: 'It's nevvah reet this. Yon Israelis bombing Gazza.

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Funny story: Gazza in Custody Battle for The Fog

Gazza in Custody Battle for The Fog

Breaking news from Newcastle Crown Court. Following weeks of tension, a city breaths a sigh of relief after being granted custody of one its most famous institutions, ending 16 years of feuding between City fathers and the regions famous drunken son...

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Funny story: Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner hurt in gym accident

Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner hurt in gym accident

Paul Gascoigne's best pal, Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner was today recovering in Newcastle General Hospital after suffering a broken ankle at his local gym. 'Five Bellies' local doctor, Dr Who, who cannot be named for legal reasons, told ou...

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Funny story: Gazza becomes Freddy

Gazza becomes Freddy

Paul Gascoigne's fans are about to see him like never before - as horror movie villain Freddy Krueger! The 41-year-old former England International is following fellow footballer and part-time chimney sweep Vinnie Jones into the acting business b...

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Funny story: Newcastle United Latest: Gazza On Way Back?

Newcastle United Latest: Gazza On Way Back?

The latest, and maddest, news from Newcastle after the resignation of Kevin Keegan, is that Northeast legend Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne could be on his way back to Tyneside, this time as team manager! Mr Gascoigne has been living in a police cell sinc...

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Funny story: 'Gazza Used To Play Football' Shock Claim

'Gazza Used To Play Football' Shock Claim

The world of football was stunned earlier today when it was claimed that celebrity lunatic and drunk, Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne used to be a professional footballer. 'Gazza' has made his name wearing false breasts, eating Mars bars, drin...

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Funny story: Gazza To Become 'Amber Gascoigne'

Gazza To Become 'Amber Gascoigne'

Paul Gascoigne, the ex-Newcastle United, Tottenham, Lazio Burnley, Boston United and England midfielder is to sign for Premier League newboys Hull City, and will be henceforth known as 'Amber Gascoigne'.

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Funny story: Gazza Arrested Again In Hemel Hempstead

Gazza Arrested Again In Hemel Hempstead

Paul Gascoigne, the former Newcastle, Tottenham, Lazio, Rangers, Middlesbrough, Everton, Burnley and Boston United midfielder, has been arrested by Police in Hemel Hempstead and charged under the Mental Health Act.

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Funny story: Gazza Sectioned For Acting Like A Geordie

Gazza Sectioned For Acting Like A Geordie

Footballer Paul Gascoigne was today sectioned under the Mental Health Act for acting like a Geordie. Yesterday, in Tyneside, he was spotted walking up to a woman and saying: 'You's a reet bonnie lass, tha knaas. Gonnae gang to the pub wi' us, for...

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Funny story: Gazza Blackout As Food Runs Low

Gazza Blackout As Food Runs Low

There have been widespread food blackouts, making Gazza very hungry, according to his local fish and chip shop in Gatestoon, County Tha Naws, and greasy fingers have been pointed at local ex-footballer Paul Gascoigne, whose weight and eating have mad...

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Funny story: Supplies Restored to Gazza

Supplies Restored to Gazza

In a brave move, and under pressure from international organisations, the authorities have decided to restore alcohol supplies to Gazza.

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Funny story: Britney and Gazza's Shocking Re-hab Romance

Britney and Gazza's Shocking Re-hab Romance

The wacky L.A. celebrity scene was electrified yesterday when it was announced that Britney Spears has become engaged to Britain's ace footballer, Gazza.

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Funny story: Mental Gazza To Sign For Newcastle

Mental Gazza To Sign For Newcastle

Mr Paul Gascoigne, the former Newcastle United mental patient, has had talks with Magpies' manager Kevin Keegan, and is expected to sign a contract later this afternoon.

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Funny story: Gazza given football-theme padded cell

Gazza given football-theme padded cell

Troubled ex-England footballer Paul Gascoigne has been placed in a soccer-themed rubber room based on his England glory days.

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