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Funny satire stories about New Year

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Funny story: 'Christmas With A Polished Turd'

'Christmas With A Polished Turd'

Well dear reader, another year has rolled over us like a Mac Truck driven by a hairy Swedish lesbian! The earth has spun on its axis taking us from horn-bags in bikinis to horn-bags in winter jumpsuits and then back again. Sitting at the local the other day, I was spit balling with my mates what Christmas at the Lodge would be like. I can picture Julia Gillard sitting in the dining room starin...

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Funny story: Year Of 2012 To Be Postponed

Year Of 2012 To Be Postponed

The UN announced today that the year of 2012 is to be postponed. Ban Ki-moon, Secretary-General of the United Nations, spoke of the unanimous UN vote. 'The outlook for the global economy is extremely uncertain,' he explained. 'There is political i...

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Funny story: Susan Boyle reveals her New Year's Resolution

Susan Boyle reveals her New Year's Resolution

Susan Boyle has revealed her New Year's Resolution for 2011 and it has come as a huge surprise to her fans. Many thought she would be resolving to visit 3rd World countries to embark on missionary work in some shape or form. She stunned the 'fanship' by announcing, this morning: "Och...Ahm gonna t'spend a lo' o' time in Middlesbrough. That's in the North East of England, as some of yer...

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Funny story: Susan Boyle welcomes in 2011 in style

Susan Boyle welcomes in 2011 in style

Susan Boyle has welcomed in 2011 in great style. Susan had a huge party at her new house in Blackburn. Invited guests were all of the people of the village. There were NO celebrities invited. When asked why Susan had hostessed a party excluding...

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Funny story: Man Buys Last Minute Thing at 11.59pm New Year's Eve

Man Buys Last Minute Thing at 11.59pm New Year's Eve

BIRMINGHAM, ENG. - At a local PC World superstore Jack Smith was buying a 50-inch (127cm) Sony Bravia 3D just in time to beat the 1st Jan VAT rise in Britain. The VAT rise means that the price of the TV could rise from £600 (US$935) to £700 (US$1...

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Funny story: It's not even New Year's Day - but Tesco is already filling its shelves with Easter eggs.

It's not even New Year's Day - but Tesco is already filling its shelves with Easter eggs.

IT'S not even New Year's Day - but Tesco is already filling its shelves with Easter eggs. Christmas trees are still 'up' in many homes, twinkling lights flash on and off. Wheelie bins full of Christmas Wrappers and turkey bones wait curbside and yet here come the chocolate bunnies. It appears the greedy companies can't wait, even beating the Valentines Day shoppers. Oh no! The Valentine's...

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Funny story: The Tinsel Town Times Tribune's List of 2011 New Year's Resolutions From Some Notable Notables

The Tinsel Town Times Tribune's List of 2011 New Year's Resolutions From Some Notable Notables

LOS ANGELES - The editor of The Tinsel Town Times Tribune, Murgatroyd Latherwick has just released a listing of some of the 2011 new year's resolutions as offered by some of the world's most famous and infamous celebrities, politicians, sports figures, and basic headline grabbers. Mr. Latherwick noted that although he does not personally know all of the individuals mentioned in the article he h...

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Funny story: Newby, Isle of Wight, preparing to 'see in 2011' in style. Susan Boyle to sing Auld Lang Syne via satellite.

Newby, Isle of Wight, preparing to 'see in 2011' in style. Susan Boyle to sing Auld Lang Syne via satellite.

Residents of Newby, Isle of Wight, are preparing to see in the New Year in style. A huge glittery ball has been erected on the village green and is set, hopefully, to 'fall' at midnight. This is the very first time such a spectacular event has bee...

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Funny story: Predictions for 2011

Predictions for 2011

After studying the stars, especially Elizabeth Taylor and Marylyn Monroe and using my special powers to see into the future I can announce my Official Predictions for 2011. Royal marriages. After divorcing Prince Charles, who decides against Camilla being known as Queen Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall marries Royal Favourite Prince Andrew. As they have both been divorced (Camilla twice) speci...

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Funny story: A Quick Look At 2011

A Quick Look At 2011

Ring In The New Year! By Timothy N. Stelly, Sr. Taking a page from the National Enquirer and other errant epistles, here are my predictions for 2011, many of them macabre. These prognostications are brought to you by Miss Cleo and Crandall's New and Used Crystal Balls, of Locust Ridge, Louisiana JORAN AND O.J. FACE SHOWER DANGERS. Yep, The Danish Bad Boy "takes one for the team" after he is...

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Funny story: David Cameron's New Year's Resolutions

David Cameron's New Year's Resolutions

1) Share the money equally. 2) Appear on Jeremy Kyle. 3) Appear on the Wright Stuff. 4) Reduce my carbon foot-print. 5) Reduce my personal level of smugness. 6) Give Nick Clegg a manly hand shake everytime he gets something right. 7) Give Boris Johnson a dressing down everytime he gets something wrong. 8) Get a new bike, and lycra clothes. The old ones are wearing out. 9) T...

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Funny story: President Obama releases his New Year's Resolutions

President Obama releases his New Year's Resolutions

WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) -- President Barack Obama released a few of his most noteworthy New Year's Resolutions Thursday morning at a White House press briefing. He did not answer reporter's questions however, saying: "I believe the list speaks for itself." (1) I will not stick my penis into anymore electrical outlets. (2) I will not hide my monthly "Big, BIG, Chick's Asses" magazines under...

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Funny story: Sydney Harbour Bridge Declared Unsafe After New Year Fireworks

Sydney Harbour Bridge Declared Unsafe After New Year Fireworks

After yet another world beating New Year's firework display, with a blue theme, to reflect the blue skies and blue water of Australia, Sydney Harbour Bridge, that iconic symbol of Australia was today declared unsafe. "Some bloody drongo boffin ove...

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Funny story: Spoof writers divulge their New Year Resolutions, rest of the world beware!

Spoof writers divulge their New Year Resolutions, rest of the world beware!

Global Spoofwriters have been divulging their "New Years Resolutions" to the world and believe me the Spoof readership are in for some shockers! The world can't wait so here we go: Ace Spoofer Abel Rodriquez has vowed to lay off of the tequila, Obama and Mexican drug dealers but has promised to keep snorting the shit. Queen Mudder has vowed to become a Lesbian Nun, give up mud wrestling...

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Funny story: 'Blue Moon' on New Year's Eve confirms Mayan apocalypse of planetary doom

'Blue Moon' on New Year's Eve confirms Mayan apocalypse of planetary doom

On the last day of 2009, an auspicious day by any reckoning, a 'blue moon' will appear in the skies surrounding the entire planet of Earth. 'Numerologists have been warning about this planetary convergence for centuries', said Judith Cousins, a ps...

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Funny story: Congress Declares the First "American New Year"

Congress Declares the First "American New Year"

Not to be outdone by other religious or cultural new-year events, congress will vote today on a formal declaration and an amendment to the U.S. Constitution, citing June 20 of each Gregorian calendar year as the new, formal, "American New Year". W...

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Funny story: New Year Resolution: Don't make resolutions

New Year Resolution: Don't make resolutions

A leading UK based mental health charity, Mind, has urged people to avoid making New Year resolutions this year. "Resolutions are made by people who have something about themselves that they want to change," said Frank Butmad. "Common resolutions...

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