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Funny satire stories about Horse Racing

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Funny story: Racing: a mouldy Gray Pearl and the equine Pearly Gates

Racing: a mouldy Gray Pearl and the equine Pearly Gates

Newmarket - The mysterious owner of a filly that died at Newmarket's starting stalls rejoices in the name of Mr H R Mould. This afternoon Gray Pearl, the jewel in his crown of Thousand Guineas aspirations, was tragically struck down on the Rowley...

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Funny story: Horse Wins Grand National

Horse Wins Grand National

The 2012 Grand National was won by a horse, we can sensationally reveal, in a nail biting race which went right to the finish line. The horse, a grey one, came first over forty other horses to win the world renowned National Hunt handicap steeplechas...

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Funny story: Queen loses a right royal packet backing three-legged no hoper in Queen Mother Champion Chase

Queen loses a right royal packet backing three-legged no hoper in Queen Mother Champion Chase

Cheltenham, Gloucs - Deprived of insider betting tips from jump racing's tipping grand masters Charlie and Rebekah Brooks the Queen went with her gut feeling this afternoon to back 20/1 no hoper Wishful Thonking. Witnesses say HM blithely placed a...

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Funny story: David Cameron: I did not have sexual relations with that horse

David Cameron: I did not have sexual relations with that horse

Under pressure British Prime Minister David Cameron held a press conference today to deny having sex with a horse lent to Rupert Murdoch lacky Rebecca Crooks by the Metropolitan Police. Mr Cameron was in Brussels for yet another EU summit, but the...

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Funny story: Horse in hospital after being thrown from Lorraine Kelly

Horse in hospital after being thrown from Lorraine Kelly

Ned the horse was taken to horse-pital (sorry) last night after falling off TV presenter Lorraine Kelly. Ned and Kelly were filming for a new reality show 'Celebrities On Horses'. Ned explained to the Racing Post "Lorraine came to pick me up from...

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Funny story: Race Horses to be given sensible names

Race Horses to be given sensible names

Race horses have been given names like Happen-stance Roadwork and Mountaineer Roadblock the Fifth for far too long according to the Equine Naming Institute. "It is getting sillier and sillier," said Hopwood Felicitous, co-ordinator of horse names...

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Funny story: Big Max becomes Chief Whip

Big Max becomes Chief Whip

In a bid to resolve the Jockey's Dispute the British Horse Racing Authority have agreed terms for Max Mousey to become their President. Big Max declared he was all for the whip and people should be allowed to get pleasure from watching horses whip...

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Funny story: OMG! Did Harry hex Dettori's King George mount Rewilding?

OMG! Did Harry hex Dettori's King George mount Rewilding?

Ascot - Another racing disaster struck today following the abject failure of talked-up royal nag Carlton House in the Epsom Derby seven weeks ago. Punters at Ascot racecourse were left reeling as King George second favorite Rewilding, ridden by Fr...

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Funny story: Rebekah Brooks's husband publishes Slags book

Rebekah Brooks's husband publishes Slags book

When Rebekah Brooks's husband Charlie published his first book in 2009, David Cameron, Rupert Murdoch and Guy Ritchie attended the launch at Nincompoop, the West End nightclub. The complex novel,called Fillies, covered a world Brooks knew well as...

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Funny story: Lord Nonce in Royal Ascot punch up with Pikey

Lord Nonce in Royal Ascot punch up with Pikey

Lord Humphrey Nonce QC was left cursing his bad luck at Royal Ascot yesterday. The 'Sporting Judge', who part owns a leg of the game filly Kinky Afro, watched as the nag pulled up short in The Buckingham Palace Stakes over 7 Furlongs. With the...

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Funny story: Queen's credit rating downgraded as Palace fails to clear Epsom Derby betting debts

Queen's credit rating downgraded as Palace fails to clear Epsom Derby betting debts

Ascot - Online bookmaker RoyalMugPunter.con is still awaiting settlement of Derby Day IOUs on disastrous royal no-hoper Carlton House. House of Windsor losses are said to account for much of the £50 million that bookies raked in when French-traine...

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Funny story: Clare Balding voted nation's most sycophantic presenter

Clare Balding voted nation's most sycophantic presenter

London - A poll of snooty TV battleaxes has seen the BBC's Clare Balding voted Top Female Crawler. The 40 year-old sports broadcaster narrowly pipped BBC Springbotch presenter Kate Humble into second place. Crinkly-haired blond Kate's entirely...

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Funny story: Mug punters warned as lunar eclipse threatens to overshadow Royal Ascot

Mug punters warned as lunar eclipse threatens to overshadow Royal Ascot

Berkshire - A new twist beckons on the June 1st solar eclipse that fooled Queen Elizabeth into backing her third-rate Derby no-hoper Carlton House. Wednesday's eclipsed full moon is likely to do just as much damage to royal mug punters determined...

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Funny story: 'Hold Those Derby Bets!' - astrologers warn as Sport of Kings stymied by King of the Gods

'Hold Those Derby Bets!' - astrologers warn as Sport of Kings stymied by King of the Gods

Epsom - The Queen's runner Carlton House is whors de combat tonight ahead of shifting starry patterns before the big race. Antepost punters were already wary this morning as news of its sprained ankle took the market by storm. Now the rapidly c...

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Funny story: Wednesday's solar eclipse threatens to scupper Queen's Derby hopes

Wednesday's solar eclipse threatens to scupper Queen's Derby hopes

London - Astrological glyphs for a sun/moon occultation have sprung up, crop circle-like, on Carlton House Terrace lawns ahead of Wednesday's Gemini solar eclipse. The 11 degrees Gemini phenomenon occurs at the best possible angle to the the plane...

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Funny story: 'Curse of the Tiger Woods SUV' as Kentucky Derby runner-up jockey Michael Baze found dead

'Curse of the Tiger Woods SUV' as Kentucky Derby runner-up jockey Michael Baze found dead

Louisville, Kentucky - Conspiracy nuts said today the jockey's 2010 model was a dead ringer for Tiger Woods' own SUV that triggered the Elin Nordegren Night Clubbing rumpus. The 24 year-old rider was found on Tuesday, slumped behind the wheel of h...

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Funny story: American racehorses have such cool names

American racehorses have such cool names

Churchill Downs - Awesome Northern Dancer bloodlines are part of the trophy for an anonymous UK buyer who's has snapped up Saturday's Kentucky Derby winner Animal Kingdom for a cool $50 million. "It's a present for my wife," Mr X of First Big Oil...

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