Home Land Security Czar, Janet Napolitano, announced today that her agents had uncovered a plot to import Weapons of Male Dysfunction disguised as baseball bat vibrators. In a briefing from her Washington office she described the cache of vibrators a...
Department Of Homeland (Illusion Of) Security officials have told Texas authorities to watch for members of Somalia based terrorist group who may be coming to Texas through the completely unsecured border with Mexico. The Government issued the ale...
"Hey, it won't suck itself, honey" T-shirt vendor Buck Q. Dumbass, who noticed irate ticket-holders with smoke coming out of their ears hurriedly exiting a theater showing lame Hollywood release 'The Losers', alerted police to what turned out to be a...
President Obama has announced that he has appointed General Boarding as the new director of Homeland Security. "General Boarding has a great deal of experience in our nations's airports and is considered to be a popular choice over the other top c...
Reports leaked out today that the US's top Internal Law Enforcement Bureau, the Homeland Security Agency "lost over $13.3M in Hi Tech tools in 2009. Homeland Security Chief, Janet "Big Sis" Napalatano said she couldn't comment on the report saying...
The Department of Homeland Security is further reducing individual rights of the U.S. citizenry in response to "non-intelligence" indicating Islamic terrorists might have been planning something at one time or another, somewhere. The unnamed official...
WASHINGTON, D.C. (ABSNN) -- Actor Brad Pitt shocked the entertainment world Tuesday when he announced he was retiring from films in order to become a Transportation Safety Administration airport guard. "In times such as these, it is incumbent upon...
Sesame Street character Oscar the Grouch professed that he is angry and bitter that he was snubbed for a Swine Flu public service announcement sponsored by Sesame Workshop, the Department of Health and Human Services and Homeland Security in favor of...
Brussels, Belgium. A report has leaked out from the office of Giorgio Borrasa, European Commissioner for Continental Insecurity, a top secret office inspired by the Department of Homeland Insecurity in the land of the unfree and home of the afraid.
Philadelphia PA-- Voters going to polling stations next month may be in for some surprises. Homeland Insecurity has installed electronic touch pads equipped with the latest in nanotechnology and computer software. Many voters may wish to bring an a...
Boca Raton Fl-- A Florida woman was arrested today for violating a new code banning beehive hairdos in Boca Raton. Diane Giblet, visiting from Philadelphia, was booked on misdemeanor charges and released. She was charged with possession of a beehive...
Washington,DC/Wall Street Journal - A one year investigation by Homeland Security and the subcommittee on Government Affairs confirmed that wealthy foreigners and US citizens have been dodging their taxes for years. (ed. note: Really?) A spokesman...
Silicon Valley giant Google has announced that it will shortly be unveiling an Open Source browser currently called 'Chrome'. One of the new key features is it's two privacy modes 'American' and 'Actual'. Google spokesman Larry page said 'With thi...
The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has determined that Middle-Eastern terrorist and other terrorist organizations are acquiring intelligence through secret codes written by spoof writer NickFun on the popular web site TheSpoof.com.
Washington DC - (Rioters): The Whore Against Terra took a decisive step forward today with the announcement by Homeland Insecurity's Michael Chertoff that UK terrorists must give 72 hours notice prior to fleeing to the USA.
The Department of Homeland Security went to Detroit and raided an Al-Qaline sympathy group huddled inside Comerica Park. "The Al Qaline sympathizers were relatively easy to spot," a Homeland Security spokesperson said. "They all wore shirts wit...
An increasing number of businesses today rely on computer voice recognition for navigating their phone directories. First generation software products, unfortunately, could not decipher the language of many rural speakers.
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