As shocking as it sounds, multiple studies have recently shown that stabbing yourself with a bread knife may actually increase the chances of severe injuries, and in some cases may even cause death, despite the widely-held belief that doing so actual...
Massachusetts state police say they've stopped a car carrying 1,250 packets of heroin stamped "Obamacare" and "Kurt Cobain" and arrested the four people inside the car. They sometimes use numbers to show grade of Heroin but we have never seen anyt...
Nome, Alaska - The Republican Tea Party can no longer be accused of not having an alternative to Obama Care, according to presidential contender Sarah Palin. The former Alaska governor this week introduced the party's SAD program, an acronym tha...
June Reynolds of Townsend, Tennessee was hauled away by police still screaming this morning because she had apparently tried over 100 times to get through to someone who would help her sign up for Obamacare. "That's the third one we have had to ar...
British gynaecologists warned today that increasing numbers of men, teenage girls and women are undergoing genital cosmetic surgery, driven in part by unrealistic images of how they should look based on pornography and today's freak artists. "I g...
WASHINGTON D.C. - The Chief Technology Officer for the White House, Todd Park, is so busy fixing the Obamacare website that he can't testify in front of a U.S. House of Representatives oversight committee. Park may be slapped with a subpoena if...
The same little kid who saved a grateful nation of gamers from the dreaded Video Game Killer has done it again. And this time there's no hiding from fame for now twelve-year-old Gregory Hanes. During a whirlwind tour of the nations top television...
Following the unbridled success of screwball Education Secretary Michael Gove's Free Schools programme with its falling standards and vanity projects, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt, Murdoch sycophant and confirmed homeopathy fan, announced today a cra...
It's that time of year when companies ask their employees to sign up for another year of benefits like healthcare and dental care. As the GOP has been discussing, it is easy for Americans to become addicted to "the sugar" of healthcare. Most empl...
HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a study today positing that the leading bullshit reason why young people feel forced to spend time with their old parents and grandparents is also costly. Dementia is as silent and deadly as an old fart a...
Washington DC - Desperate to take the lead in the nation's never-ending healthcare debate, Congressional Republicans are massing behind an initiative that would provide all Americans with a do-it-yourself medical kit containing everything they need t...
President Obama announced today a two-pronged approach to ameliorating America's poor health habits. At a rousing high-school rally in Duncetown, North Dakota, Obama declared: "I am raising the cigarette tax from 39 cents a pack to $1039 per pack.
As part of its ongoing mission to improve quality of care while lowering health care costs, New York Presbyterian Hospital recently announced that it was adopting a radical new treatment methodology for post-operative cancer patients: cross fingers a...
Yesterday, a shamefaced President Obama confided to his Cabinet members that he accidentally left a crucial line out of the recently enacted Affordable Care Act. Specifically, Obama mistakenly omitted a clause known as the "Ph.D. Provision," whic...
In a quick visit to the U.S. before Holy Week, Pope Benedict XVI decided to play a little joke. Pope Benedict XVI stopped in several Midwestern cities to voice his support for the Catholic Church's crusade against "reproductive health" and the so...
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney reportedly promised President Barack Obama that he would support the controversial federal healthcare legislation known as "ObamaCare" on the condition that the Affordable Care Act is renamed "RomBamaCare...
Deputy Prime Minister, LibDem leader Nick Clegg has urgently contacted his doctor for advice about several health questions. The Doctor has prescribed 'think again' pills for Clegg and said he would be arranging for a consultant to 'take away all...
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