In a tradition that dates back to the time of the first white European navigators, the federal government, composed mostly of old white men, will change the name of the Hawaiian islands to something more Aryan- they will be renamed the 'Bob Islands'.
Porn film star, secret agent, and world record holder Bargis Tryhol is the official celebrity judge and guest at this year's National Surfboarding Championships in Honolulu, Hawaii. He will grade surfers on their abilities in riding the tube, the pi...
Honolulu, HI - The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile got sent packing by an environmental group in Hawaii claiming that its cuteness was insidious. Cute wienermobiles are dangerously deceptive and can cause one to purchase inferior frankfurters, or so th...
HONOLULU, HI - The state of Hawaii unilaterally launched a missile at North Korea today, apparently as a preemptive measure against the DPRK's planned launch. Hawaii's launch was apparently carried out without the aid of the US military because, acc...
Hollywood CA-- Academy Award winning actress Halle Berry was chosen today to portray the early years of Barack Obama. The biographical movie will focus on Obama's early years in Hawaii. Ms. Halle said she's thrilled to be chosen for such an importa...
02 Dec 08, HONOLULU, HI, USNA-- Barack Hussein Obama, Acting President Elect Presumptive, ignored a deadline of yesterday to release his grandmother's death certificate, as demanded by Scotus, the nine-headed black beast of Washington. Over 20 co...
The Big Island, Hawaii (Reuterus) - After surviving a 5.3 magnitude slap-on-the-wrist earthquake earlier this week, Hawaii was quickly threatened by Hurricane Flossie (although she was eventually downgraded to a tropical storm).
TOMBSTONE, NETHERVOID--(NECRO PRESS) "After being on the job, what looks like...Forever! I decided to take a break from all the doom & gloom and step out among the living to smell the flowers" says our even...
WAIPAHU, HAWAII--(ROASTED) From the beautiful islands of Hawaii, with their dramatic sunsets, active volcanoes, ocean surf, Diamond head and brazen copper wire theft, will hold the grand opening of the first Starphux Coffee B...
Whatever happened to the cast of "Soap Girl" which played at the Laemmle Fairfax Theater in 2001 and at the Wallace Arthouse Theater in Hawaii in 2002 for an unprecedented four week run before it finally closed down?...
In a shocking turn of events this afternoon, the American state of Hawaii has officially withdrawn it's membership from the United States.
Never have I seen such a display of pure athleticism, pure determination and pure agility in all my life. This past weekend, I was invited to an obscure sporting event just off the coast of Hawaii. I was intrigued by the invitation: it claimed to be 'not only the greatest sporting event ever, but also one of the greatest kegger parties in history.' Additionally, there would be particip...
Dear Jasmine: I know that Simon loves to player hate on you. I know that he likes to snore when you sing. That’s OK honey. I’m a writer now, but I used to be an assistant pimp, so I can have him silenced (if you know what I mean), just say the word. I know that Hawaii loves you so much, although I am baffled that the lieutenant governor would name a day after you, when there are hard worki...
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