Special to INS - Beginning next week, Walmart will offer funeral home services at 225 of its Supercenters. The Walmart slogan, "Save money. Live better," will be altered at these locations to "Save money. Die stiffer." Its motto "Always Low Price...
Severus Slice, Vice President of the assembled Funeral Directors at their Annual Conference in Hull, had grim news for his audience. 'People are going to be living far too long,' he advised the worried throng. 'Some of us are bound to go under. I...
[Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.] Leslie Nielsen, the comic actor best known for his roles in Airplane! and The Naked Gun, who passed away last week, saved his funniest jokes for friends and mourners at his funeral today. Halfway through the funeral service,...
The recession is biting the UK very hard and the latest cut-backs are hitting those companies involved in the "dead end" business, funeral services. The latest cut-backs involve getting the coffin as quick as possible into the hole, this saves tim...
A car club in Hell, Michigan known as 'Just Hearse'N Around' failed to get enough hearses together to beat the world record for world's longest funeral procession. It was determined that around 50 hearses were needed to break the record, but due to c...
A family has sued their local church after an incorrect piece of music was played during their mother's funeral. The Piddington family had requested "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler to see their mother off but were instead treated to "Bat o...
The State Funeral of ex-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, whenever it happens, is to include among its list of invited guests, Sinn Fein president Gerry Adams, with whom the former leader had 'close ties' during the 1980s. Mrs Thatcher, 104, was t...
A Utah funeral director somberly reduced the badly-decomposing body of Lilliputian-scale actor Gary Coleman to a thimble's-worth of ashes today, finally bringing some dignity to a life that was lead almost completely devoid of it. Coleman's coffin...
Earlier this week, it was reported that John Shepherd-Barron, the inventor of the Automatic Telling Machine (ATM), had died. His funeral was held yesterday, and he had chosen to be cremated. However, the ceremony did not go smoothly. The min...
Malcolm McLaren, the former Sex Pistols manager who died in a Swiss hospital on Thursday, is to receive a full state funeral preceded by a full week of national mourning, it has been announced. McLaren, 64, died of mesothelioma, a rare form of can...
The makers of The Sports Caskets with the insignia of your favorite sports team on the casket has been awarded to the monks at the Abbey of Gethsemane. "We have more than we can take care of", stated Brendan Holedigger of Greenleaf-Whittier Coffin...
The world's oldest living ruler, Rufus T. Firefly, passed away at his home in Freedonia yesterday. Firefly has been the President of Freedonia since 1933 and guided the nation through it's bankruptcy and war with neighboring Sylvania. He was 150 ye...
The West Midlands town of Scrubbington today became the first local authority to introduce a surcharge for cremating morbidly obese people in an attempt to offset some of the expenses it pays out to have such cremations executed. The problem is th...
Terry Aldous Greenthumm was found dead and partially decomposed in his New York apartment this morning, apparently expiring from natural causes up to two weeks prior. Greenthumm, owner of the largest conglomerate of commercial building plant supplie...
Glendale, California - With the burial date of the King of Pop having been changed so many times, Michael Jackson fans are uncertain as to what to do tomorrow, when his body allegedly will finally be laid to rest. "At least that is what is current...
The funeral for the late Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy will be broadcast on cable television for the world to watch. The brother of former president JFK passed away Tuesday evening due to complications from several health conditions. The funeral w...
Michael Jackson is to celebrate his 51st birthday by being buried at Forest Lawn cemetry, LA. The ceremony, sponsored by the National Society for the Protection of Children, is to be televised for an anticipated audience of 16 billion. Diana Ro...
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