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Funny satire stories about Dorking

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Funny story: Man Sets Fire to Hedge 'So Fire Brigade Would Hose his Lawn'

Man Sets Fire to Hedge 'So Fire Brigade Would Hose his Lawn'

A Dorking resident was so frustrated he couldn't water his lawn under the current hosepipe ban that he deliberately set fire to a neighbour's hedge, in the hope that the emergency services - by extinguishing it - would simultaneously water his grass.

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Funny story: Edward Lear: The Dorking Poems, Pt I

Edward Lear: The Dorking Poems, Pt I

Another selection from the fruitful harvest of Lear's Dorking years A deluded young vicar of Dorking Put a hen on his arm to go hawking. Though he hawked day and night, The prey simply took fright At the hen's dreadful flapping and squawking. A Mole Valley farmer one day Resolved he would live upon hay, So he sat on a cow And repeated his vow, Saying 'here with the catt...

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Funny story: Dorking Police Search Garden For Human Remains

Dorking Police Search Garden For Human Remains

Police in Dorking were at the centre of a row today after digging up a local garden. Officers from Dorking Central Division, accompanied by dog handlers and an armed response unit descended on 34 Lucknow Gardens shortly after 7am. "We wanted to...

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Funny story: Tate Gallery Snubs Dorking Artist In Latest Blockbuster

Tate Gallery Snubs Dorking Artist In Latest Blockbuster

A Dorking painter is furious after once again being snubbed by a major art gallery, writes EIF News & Features Art Correspondent, Proserpine Gainsborough-Halfwit. London's Tate Britain has announced that its big autumn show this year will be t...

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Funny story: Yorkshire 'Gravy Man' Ken Mither "Fair Thraped" Following Whistle-Stop Dorking Visit

Yorkshire 'Gravy Man' Ken Mither "Fair Thraped" Following Whistle-Stop Dorking Visit

Yorkshire 'proper gravy' campaigner, Ken Mither of Cleckhuddersfax, West Yorkshire, was relaxing at home last night after taking his 'Proper Gravy Wi Chips' campaign all the way to the Surrey town of Dorking, having made the visit in one day on a day...

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Funny story: Dorking Porn Star Couple Axed For Excessive Flatulence On Set

Dorking Porn Star Couple Axed For Excessive Flatulence On Set

Dorking's own famous porn star couple, Tracy Storm and Harry Knutsford were sent packing from the set of Hollywood adult movie extravaganza, 'By Jove, That's A Stonker!' by Director, Phil Cleavage, after apparently suffering from excessive flatulence...

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Funny story: Toast appears on Jesus's face in Dorking Church

Toast appears on Jesus's face in Dorking Church

Worshippers at Dorking Unitarian Baptist Seventh Day Mormons church on West Street were astounded last week to discover toast on the face of Jesus in their church. "We went in for our two o'clock tea and biscuits," said Edgar Whistleblower, also o...

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Funny story: Dorking Base Jumper Killed In Tragic Accident

Dorking Base Jumper Killed In Tragic Accident

One of the world's lesser known base jumpers was killed today, whilst attempting a base jump which went tragically wrong. The Dorking base jumper, Albert Plummet, was attempting another daring base jump from Leith Hill Tower, just a stone's throw...

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Funny story: The Dorking Sentinel: More Letters To The Editor

The Dorking Sentinel: More Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir, I write to you as it were a cry du cur from the heart, having had the misfortune to have read an article in your weekend supplement just gone. The weekend has just gone, I mean, not the supplement, which is still laid on my escritoire, ready for the recycling bin. There was I, in anticipation of reading some picturesque passages about Dorking's lovely scenery, on account of the hea...

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Funny story: Dorking pensioner traps testicles during shower

Dorking pensioner traps testicles during shower

A pensioner had to be taken to hospital after they caught their testicles in a shower seat last week. Dorking fire crews were called out to the pensioner's house in Dorking on April 6th to help cut them free after getting their private parts trapp...

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Funny story: Herbert Saddoh marries blow-up doll, first wife not happy

Herbert Saddoh marries blow-up doll, first wife not happy

Herbert Saddoh of Dorking has married his favourite blow-up doll, Cindy nee Mark Three, in a civic ceremony at Dorking Town Hall. Unfortunately, Saddoh is now being sued by his first wife, Cindy nee Mark Two, whom he failed to divorce prior to the se...

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Funny story: The Dorking Sentinel: The Online Forum Discusses Easter

The Dorking Sentinel: The Online Forum Discusses Easter

A SELECTION FROM THE FORUMS AT dorksent.web dorksent.web-forums>visiting>Dorking>Dorking's Wonderful Attractions NO POSTS IN THIS DISCUSSION please register to post on the forums dorksent.web>living>Dorking>Eastre Com-prattitune! KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 11 Feb 2012: Why do we nott celbrete Eastre like in the oldan day's thises day's? May Wiff an'd I goe s...

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Funny story: Flab Fighters changed my life

Flab Fighters changed my life

Carol Heeney from Dorking has revealed how visiting Flab Fighters has changed her life. "Before I joined flab fighters," she said, "I weighed twenty-two stone. Something had to change." Her friends noticed how she changed, and commented on it r...

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Funny story: Dorking pheasantry scandal

Dorking pheasantry scandal

Dorking, Surrey - "They'd never have dared to boot us out if the Old King was still alive!" was the defiant war cry of Squire Norris of the Polesden Lacey Pheasant Shooting Syndicate upon eviction from the grace and favor terroir. His 100 fellow m...

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Funny story: The Dorking Sentinel: Letters To The Editor

The Dorking Sentinel: Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir, Here I am again (oh no I hear you cry!) with the latest from my researches into the history of the Dorking Sentinels. (For any readers who are not Dorking-bred, and are unaware of the tradition after which your newspaper is named, the Sentinels were originally guardians put in place to watch for the coming of the Danes. After Ethelfrith The Unsteady defeated the Norse King Wolfram...

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Funny story: Vegetarian Rage As Harry Styles Out Of One Direction Papped Eating Meat Pie In Dorking

Vegetarian Rage As Harry Styles Out Of One Direction Papped Eating Meat Pie In Dorking

Vegetarians the length and breadth of the nation were up in arms following the publication of photographs clearly showing Harry out of One Direction tucking into a Tesco's minced beef and onion pie in Dorking. High profile foodies blame Harry's sp...

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Funny story: Blue badge holders to pay in Dorking Car Park

Blue badge holders to pay in Dorking Car Park

The main car park in Dorking is the subject of the ire of local disabled drivers. "It used to be free to park in the car-park," said wheelchair bound Hans Klappen. "Now we are being asked to pay and display." It is not the fact that the disable...

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