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Funny story: Pensioner Attacked

Pensioner Attacked

A boy faces charges after allegedly striking a man with a balloon in an argument over manners. Police told the Crap Times that a 78-year-old man leaving a primary school on Monday morning held the door open for a 3-year-old boy. Police said the 3-...

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Funny story: Child father known to Police

Child father known to Police

Baby-father Alfie was well known to police before becoming "father" to a baby, Police have revealed. The 12-year-old was cautioned for dealing drugs at age 3 years, spent six months inside at age 5 for stealing cars and joyriding, was arrested fo...

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Funny story: Stealing DNA is now illegal

Stealing DNA is now illegal

The UK in conjunction with the European Union have made it illegal to obtain DNA without consent. In the past criminals have been caught after leaving a coffee cup or cigarette butt behind after an interview. This will no longer be an acceptable w...

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Funny story: Cameron Craves Criminal Cops

Cameron Craves Criminal Cops

David Cameron yesterday announced that a Tory Government would encourage Britain's police to stray to the fun side of the law by committing crimes under their own initiative before our current criminal element has the chance. Unveiling the new pol...

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Funny story: Arthur Pewty Sparks National Security Scare

Arthur Pewty Sparks National Security Scare

Britain went into meltdown yesterday teatime following news that 53 year old ne'er do well Arthur Pewty was rumoured to be going out for a pint. RAF Fighter Command was put on standby, the SAS were recalled from leave, Gordon Brown convened an eme...

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Funny story: Criminals weep as they pay tribute to Ian Blair

Criminals weep as they pay tribute to Ian Blair

"He knew our criminality sprang from lack of opportunity so he endeavored to give us more." A tearful mugger and part time murderer spoke for many when he said, on hearing the news of Ian Blair's resignation, "he was the best friend we ever had."...

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Funny story: Police crackdown on rogue criminals

Police crackdown on rogue criminals

The Metropolitan Police today announced a major new initiative to crack down on crime. New rules will mean that criminals will have to register with the local police before commencing activities. "We hope the new system will mean less duplicati...

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Funny story: Controversy Over Felons' Right to Vote Dwarfed by Bigger Question

Controversy Over Felons' Right to Vote Dwarfed by Bigger Question

Some states allow imprisoned felons to vote, others only parolees, some only probationnaires and then there are those that make you pay your full debt to society. In two states, Kentucky and Virginia, you are never allowed to vote again, but a bi...

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Funny story: Tooth fairy suspended pending police checks

Tooth fairy suspended pending police checks

Children losing teeth will find no money under their pillows for many weeks as the government has ordered the tooth fairy to undergo police background checks before she can continue working with children. "Employees of all government funded organi...

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Funny story: Cats May Have Killed Woman

Cats May Have Killed Woman

A 72-year-old man who, police had alleged, confessed to his cats that he had bludgeoned his partner to death, has been cleared of murder after his defence lawyers claimed the cats did it.

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Funny story: Thanks To InfraGard Underarm Wetness Is A Thing Of The Past

Thanks To InfraGard Underarm Wetness Is A Thing Of The Past

Are you up in arms over pesky American citizens exercising their rights to freely assemble near your military-industrial sweatshop? No need to sweat it. With an InfraGard card your worries are over, because a single call to your criminal cohorts is now as simple as 1-800-FBI.

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Funny story: Cribbage Criminals plead guilty, face sentencing

Cribbage Criminals plead guilty, face sentencing

GARDINER, Maine -- The World War II veterans charged with illegal gaming at their local American Legion Post have plead guilty to a lesser charge of "prohibitted pegging" and now face sentencing before city judges.

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Funny story: Justice Served...?

Justice Served...?

Don't we all love the concept of justice? Isn't the idea of truth, fairness and equality something we all hold dear? Doesn't it seem right that a murderer should be caught and apprehended as soon as possible? Doesn't the idea of a smoothly running criminal justice system just rank right up there with other happy, furry things like kittens, wine, sex on the beach and amateur pornogr...

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Funny story: Pack Master II

Pack Master II

"Rolling and rolling in bed, I examined all possible approaches: some were degrading; some, very costly; some, criminal. One night, I jumped up in bed, remembering that Master Sergeant always had complained that men were abusing the dun mule! Joyfully, I said, 'That's it! Safe and economical. But how? The stable is always crowded with grooms and I, Pack Master.' This thought magic...

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Funny story: Criminal Rights Act Under Scrutiny

Criminal Rights Act Under Scrutiny

An Italian lout who knifed school headmaster Philip Lawrence to death has been allowed to remain in the UK after winning an appeal against deportation.

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Funny story: The Krays Back in the East End?

The Krays Back in the East End?

LONDON (Defecated News) - They were iconic and charismatic, yet also instilled fear into the hearts of millions. They controlled gangs and sold illegal toothpaste. Now, decades after the decline of their glorious criminal empire, the Krays appear to...

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Funny story: Home Secretary admits "I committed burglaries as a student"

Home Secretary admits "I committed burglaries as a student"

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has admitted for the first time that while she was a student she committed burglary. "I tried it a few times, but didn't like it very much, so I stopped. I never targeted elderly people's houses and, though I...

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