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Funny story: Scientists discover Corrupt Bastards gene

Scientists discover Corrupt Bastards gene

Dallas, Texas - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): A major scientific breakthrough has seen the discovery of a common strand of DNA, identified as a genetic "master switch", that triggers complusive acts of corrupt bastard folly.

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Funny story: Ayles Ice Island threatens Corrupt Bastards pipeline

Ayles Ice Island threatens Corrupt Bastards pipeline

Resolute Bay - (Ass Mess): A massive ice island is threatening to cut off Corrupt Bastards Club pipelines after drifting from its 2005 Canadian coastal break-off point towards Resolute Bay's neighboring oil and gas installations.

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Funny story: Noose tightens on Ben Stevens in Corrupt Bastards case

Noose tightens on Ben Stevens in Corrupt Bastards case

Juneau, Alaska - (Ass Mess): US District Court Judge John Sedwick has named Ben Stevens, son of powerful Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens, as intrinsic to the Feds' corruption investigation which has already nailed ex-state Representative Tom Anderson...

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Funny story: Ex-BP CEO Browne "a bigger liar" that any Corrupt Bastards Club member

Ex-BP CEO Browne "a bigger liar" that any Corrupt Bastards Club member

London - (Ass Mess): Law Lords at the UK's House of Lords today challened Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club to produce a home-grown hydrocarbons industry asshole "of the equivalent stature of mendacity, deviousness, depravity, trea...

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Funny story: Illinois's ex-Gov Ryan "a major role model for Corrupt Bastards Club"

Illinois's ex-Gov Ryan "a major role model for Corrupt Bastards Club"

Chicago, Illinois - (US Graft News): Former GOP Illinois Governor George Ryan, who lost his corruption appeal today and faces an imminent custodial sentence, has been hailed by Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club as a major role model.

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Funny story: Corruption protesters superglue themselves to BP HQ gates

Corruption protesters superglue themselves to BP HQ gates

St James's Square, London - (Outrageous Mess): Hundreds of anti-corruption protesters have super-glued themselves to the gates outside BP's palatial London headquarters following reports that the oil company's disgraced former CEO Lord Br...

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Funny story: Alaska congressman Don Young investigated over collapsed Minneapolis I-35 bridge construction

Alaska congressman Don Young investigated over collapsed Minneapolis I-35 bridge construction

Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Alaska's Representative Don Young, who is under investigation for taking campaign $$$s in return for securing $10 million for construction of a proposed Florida highway ramp, is also being probed by FBI sources about t...

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Funny story: Feds investigate Sen Ted Stevens and $170 million VECO contracts

Feds investigate Sen Ted Stevens and $170 million VECO contracts

Anchorage, Alaska - (Graft Press): Buoyed by recent successes of plea bargains struck by indicted Corrupt Bastards Club grandee and former VECO CEO Bill Allen and his former deputy Richard L Smith, the FBI has confirmed it is probing $170 million wor...

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Funny story: Volcano's pavlovian reaction to Corrupt Bastards Club furor

Volcano's pavlovian reaction to Corrupt Bastards Club furor

Anchorage, Alaska - (Armageddon Press): One of Alaska's most active volcanos appears to be having what scientists have described as an 'anthropomorphic pavlovian reaction' to the furor surrounding the Corrupt Bastards Club and is beginin...

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Funny story: CFR Corrupt Bastards Spike Dennis Kucinich's MySpace Page

CFR Corrupt Bastards Spike Dennis Kucinich's MySpace Page

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The Internets - While investigating the 2008 Presidential Candidates' websites for news on the 2008 election, I ran across Dennis Kucinich's page. As soon as I arrived at his MySpace page, a window popped up and said t...

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Funny story: World shares fall on Corrupt Bastards Club rumors

World shares fall on Corrupt Bastards Club rumors

Wall Street - (Rioters): Hundreds of billions of dollars were wiped from stock markets today amid persistent rumors that the Corrupt Bastards Club has infiltrated global financial institutions and is planning to finance a heist on Antarctic oil rese...

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Funny story: Was VECO's Bill Allen in ExxonMobil's pocket as bankrupcy threatens oil giant?

Was VECO's Bill Allen in ExxonMobil's pocket as bankrupcy threatens oil giant?

Anchorage, Alaska - (Malodorous Mess): As he pleaded guilty to a raft of corruption charges earlier this year related to bribing bent Alaskan state and Capitol Hill politicians VECO's ex-CEO Bill Allen stayed strangely reticent about his relation...

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Funny story: Curse of Sen John Cowdery as Polish cargo vessel The Jerk crashes into North Sea gas platform

Curse of Sen John Cowdery as Polish cargo vessel The Jerk crashes into North Sea gas platform

Norfolk - (Rioters): Norfolk coastguards are investigating spooky links between the recent sinking of Alaska Senator John Cowdery boat Johnita and today's disastrous crash involving the Polish-registered cargo vessel The Jerk which obli...

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Funny story: Head of Russia's navy says it should have permanent naval presence in Alaskan waters

Head of Russia's navy says it should have permanent naval presence in Alaskan waters

Bloodyvostok, Russia - (Rioters): Admiral Vladimir Masorin, head of the Russian navy, has said it should have a permanent naval presence in Alaskan water, mirroring the military ambitions of the Corrupt Bastards Club.

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Funny story: Corrupt Bastards found in Hawaii

Corrupt Bastards found in Hawaii

Alaska - (Ass Mess): Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club has been confirmed as having established an outreach orifice in Hawaii with the news today that Hawaii's Senior Senator Daniel Inouye is a largesse recipient from the dodgy oil industry graf...

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Funny story: Double-whammy as Fate stalks Alaska's Corrupt Bastards

Double-whammy as Fate stalks Alaska's Corrupt Bastards

Esther Island, Alaska - (Disaster Press): For a Corrupt Bastards Club grandee to lose one pleasure boat in the balmy waters off Alaska is perhaps an understandable misfortune.

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Funny story: Frank Murkowski next say FBI sources

Frank Murkowski next say FBI sources

Anchorage, Alaska - (Disatser Press): FBI sources investigating the murky dealings of the Corrupt Bastards Club have hinted strongly that former Governor of Alaska and ex-US Senator Frank Murkowski is likely to be probed following the raid on Senator...

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