Anglesey, Wales - "They're pretty much following Fourth Protocol assembly instructions," blue watch Commander 'Foxy' Perkins confirmed this morning as yet another enriched uranium parcel arrived bearing Pyongyang postage stamps. "Something's sure...
Essex - Fears a stray whale or giant octopus may have swallowed a live 2,000lb (907kg) World War II mine were rife this afternoon. The ageing rusty bomb 'vanished' just as Navy frogmen were winching it into position off the Clacton coast. It ha...
Watford - Terrified bank customers dialled 999 this morning amid fears a 12-inch cucumber strapped to a man's leg was 'an improvised explosive device'. Police were taking no chances amid FO advice that the deadly vegetable is being used by Al Qaed...
Celtic manager, Neil Lennon, the man who received an unwanted bomb in his mail last week, is himself in hot water with Strathclyde Police this evening after putting the parcel back in the post in order to take the advice given out in the Elvis Presle...
NATO has issued a strong condemnation of Libya's Colonel Gaddafi's use of bombs and weapons intended to cause death and injury amongst his own people. Secretary General Anders Fogh Rasmussen has accused the Libyan leader of "using underhand tactic...
London - Police reckon royal fruitcake Prince Charles is behind a multilayered wedding cake bomb intercepted at Manama Airport. Bahraini customs officers said today they became suspicious because the Victoria sponge and semtex confection was festo...
Thames Valley Police this evening disclosed that a suspected anarchist has handed himself in at Reading police station, following a dismal failure to spread murder and mayhem around central London and the home counties. It was announced that the s...
A petrol bomber who attempted to throw a bomb into a UK pub had a slight mishap which thankfully hindered his evil intentions! The bomber, Amir Ali (who else?) had been drinking heavily before he could raise his "balls" enough to throw the bomb. D...
The house and property of Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, has been put up for sale over ten years after it's owner was safely locked away for murder. In case you weren't around, letters and packages loaded with explosives were sent from this residen...
PORTLAND-- Taking their cue from Ashton Kutcher, the FBI staged an elaborate prank on a Corvallis, OR teenager who thought he was part of a Jihadist plot to kill Christmas. Mohamed Osman Mohamud, 19, a Somali-born U.S. citizen, mistakenly believed...
Suspected gang in the western Mexican state of Sinaloa is claiming to have in their position four dirty bombs which they plan on using in undisclosed locations if authorities try to prevent their drug trade from prospering. A spokesman for the, w...
A warning from a 45 year old Russian housewife that her cat was about to set off a bomb in Moscow was derided by police who considered the woman 'a little the worse for wear with alcohol'. In fact the cat had eaten explosives primed to go off at a...
Prime Minister David Cameron has provoked outrage amongst some of the most powerful printer manufacturers worldwide by insisting Semtex is included in all future production of toner cartridges. The request was made in direct response to the recent...
Law enforcement officers across the planet are laughing their asses off at the terrorists ridiculously ineffective plot to bomb a Midwest synagogue that was thwarted this day. Terrorists, who obviously received a public school education, weaponize...
A roadside bomb that a Taliban fighting unit planted to kill British troops, has been given a job on Sky News. Sky executives, having seen footage of the Improvised Explosive Device (IED) being planted by the Taliban during a Sky News report, thou...
Newly anointed Al-Qaeda member, Ali By-Golly, looked dismayingly upon an open dirt field and sighed deeply. "Why won't they grow? Why won't my planted bombs grow into wonderful bomb trees? Oh why? Oh why? Oh why?" "I joined Al-Qaeda to kill infidels. I joined Al-Qaeda to rid the world of infidels and I am trying so hard to rid the world of infidels, whatever the hell they are. They...
Al Quada has announced that the early morning bombing of The Eiffel Tower and the park around it, which was evacuated Tuesday night after a telephoned bomb threat, is in response to the many 9-11 memorial services held throughout the world this weeke...
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