Scotland Yard, London: An example of what Scotland Yard chief Sir Paul Stephenson, admits as the 'psychological contract' with the public being broken, is when a tin of pink emulsion paint dumped over a two-year old silver Chevrolet and the deflatio...
Coventry, England: A City known for its diva, the Lady Godiva, comes a new 'i-con', Jack the Parrot! Known for his razor sharp beak and very sharp talons, he will go berseck. Three gangsters had the pleasure of being pecked and clawed hard, when...
In an imaginative scheme to solve the twin problems of Prison overcrowing and the difficulties arising from the reduction of the police force, Ken Clarke has blustered in with a scheme he dreamt up during his latest trip to Ronnie Scott's. He want...
Criminals across the UK have greeted the news of radical cutbacks in Britain's police service with a resounding thumbs up. "That'll do for me," Freddie 'Fatfingers' Kosilikit of the Russian Mafia told us. "They're a pain in the arse, the Dibble. I...
Sheriff deputies responded today to a remote trailer park after receiving a 911 call regarding a suspected illegal entry. When they arrived a young female, 26, said she had been tricked into having sex with a stranger after he told her he was her lon...
There were dramatic scenes at Oxford Magistrates Court yesterday as Deputy District Judge Peter Greenfield invoked the common law to sentence a police officer for assaulting a prisoner in custody. Sergeant Mark Andrews has been convicted in July of a...
John Yates, Assistant Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, giving evidence before a select committee of MPS, denied that an improper relationship existed between his officers and the New of the World newspaper. The allegation was first made in Ra...
The UK police have decided to turn back the clock to Neanderthal times where women were dragged by their hair, beaten, kicked and then forced to make dinner (and other things?). Modern females involved in anti-social behaviour in the UK is increas...
Nyjer Morgan, the 30-year-old Washington Nationals center fielder, has been voted the world's biggest a--hole by the Terrell Owens Foundation For A--holery In Competitive Sports, after ruining the career of Marlins catcher Brett Hayes. In the case...
A Wiltshire home was the subject of a police investigation yesterday morning after three burglers were accidentally killed while taking part in a burglary there, despite intense security surrounding the Victorian home. The home, belonging to ex-Po...
Heathrow, London: Fresh from their Northumbrian campaign, in the search for Raoul Moat, the miniature Wehrmacht have been on manoeuvres again, this time at Heathrow. The miniature Wehrmacht, kitted out again with pseudo-military outfits and coals...
HOG JAW, Arkansas - Hog Jaw Deputy Sheriff Skippy Appleweather, 27, said that he's as happy as a puppy with three peckers. Money was finally allocated to purchase a professional patrol car siren. Skippy said that it was getting downright embarras...
PARIS (ABSNN) - A new French law has ended the reign of big, big city cops, and now all gendarmes must be no taller than 1.60 meters, whatever a friggin meter is. Like all armed Frenchmen who go in harm's way, the midget cops will undoubtedly drop t...
Unbelievable as it sounds Cambridgeshire Police Force are, if you'll pardon the expression, 'lashing' out £3,000 to issue all female police officers with a 'Shewee'. For the uninitiated, a Shewee must not be confused with a Tepee- but is in fact...
Usk, Monmouthshire - In scenes reminiscent of Fawlty Towers, when the short-fused hotelier Basil Fawlty thrashed a British Leyland Allegro with a bush, PC Basil Fawlty chased an old and senile Major Gowen, a World War Veteran Officer for 17 minutes a...
Police have uncovered a grisly 'house of death' in Swansea, informants tell us. News is sketchy at this time, but around 15 dead bodies, some seemingly mutilated, were found at an address by a member of the public. "Officers were called to the...
It has been reported that a Mr Bartholomew 'bart' Cox plans to sue the Police after a cop 'accidentally' discharged 50,000-volt Taser into his knackers! Needless to say, Mr Tingle,79, collapsed, in agony as one electric pin hit him in the right test...
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