London - (Reuterus): Desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton spent her 26th birthday in the Chelsea Snatch & Scrot-Rot Clinic after returning from a break in Barbados covered in green oozy pustules.
London - (Dumbass Mess): Desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton is in shock today after being booted off a £100,000 BBC Strictly Come Dancing contract following a successful sex and drugs sting fiasco by a Daily Tosser undercover reporter.
London - (Presposterous Mess): The ex-Duchess of York has told royal wannabes Kate Middleton and Chelsy Davy that doing too much crack cocaine has blinded them to the perils of the royal family from hell and their impostor princes Wills and Harry.
Clarence House - (Fetid Mess): Desperate HRH wannabe Kate Middleton has forked out a fortune to prove she's got blue blood somewhere along the line.
Buckingham Palace, London: (Constitutional Mess): A sex, drugs and blackmail plot to oust the Puppet Monarch has resulted in a dawn raid on a Buckingham Palace crack den according to police reports.
Balmoral Estate, Scotland - (Ass Mess): Desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton was snapped shooting up on the Balmoral estate this weekend.
A photographer for the Sun Newspaper revealed that he was considering taking legal action against Prince William and his on-off girlfriend, Kate Middleton, following a number of incidents that he claimed 'invaded his priv...
Television Center, London - (Rotters): BBC newsreader Fiona Bruce has been dumped from her impending new Antiques Roadshow anchorwoman's job after a hysterical performance presenting the Ten O'Clock News tonight and is now being rele...
London - (Teetotal-itarian Mess): Drunken young British royals and their wannabe hangers-on are a complete disgrace according to a popular Middle Eastern TV current affairs program broadcast.
California - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): "You gotta be joking!" Hollywood PR sources said today amid reports that Prince William's erstwhille girlfriend Kate Middleton is about to post her own nude photographs on the net after being relegat...
London - (Ass Mess): Waxworks museum Madame Tussauds has said it has no plans now or in the future to cast an image of desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton 'on aesthetic, humanitarian or conservation grounds'.
Broadcasting House - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): It's sordid, it's deceitful and it's been staring nearly 45 million UK TV licence payers in the face for decades.
London - (Ass mess): The Pretender to the Throne's heir apparent and Kate Middleton rekindled their contractual obligations during a multi-million pound crack deal at a Wiltshire mansion this summer according to a report today.
US Embassy, London - (Ass Mess): Kate Middleton has been turned down for a US visitor's visa after a routine interview at the embassy's consular section alarmed sniffer dogs used to determine which applicants are regular drug users.
Sydney, Australia - (Ass Mess): Kate Middleton's self-publicising trip to Australian horseracing's blue riband Melbourne Cup Day has been cancelled after officials confirmed a widespread outbreak of whores flu.
Buckingham Palace - (Ass mess): Kate Middleton has been officially barred from next Friday's Princess Diana memorial service at the Central Neasden Mosque after Buckingham Palace's Lord Chamberlain, Lord Luce-Cannon, said "no slappers, t...
London - (Ass mess): Mohammed Fayed has told the police he thinks Kate Middleton will "die in a Diana bank holiday copycat car accident" this month.
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!