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Funny story: "No 10 is our stay-out-of-jail card": Cherie

"No 10 is our stay-out-of-jail card": Cherie

Downing Street, London SWI - Monday 8 May 2006 (Associated Mess): Following feverish speculation in the UK weekend press that Tony Blair's resignation is 'imminent', friends of Cherry Bush QC have insisted that the PM and his wife will white-knuc...

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Funny story: Giant elephant trap completes Nostradamus prophecy

Giant elephant trap completes Nostradamus prophecy

London, Friday 5 May 2006 - (Associated Mess): A mechanical pachyderm monster has appeared on the streets of central London today, sparking apocalyptical fear among has-been Tory grandees that the last and most dreaded of the Nostradamus quatrains i...

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Funny story: Spooks say Ratzinger's brother busted

Spooks say Ratzinger's brother busted

London, Wednesday 3 May 2006 - (Associated Mess): Whitehall spook chiefs are in celebratory mood following the Rome capture and indictment of the Pope's lesser known baby brother, the notorious Mafioso godfather Bernardo Provenzano, whose trai...

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Funny story: Freed foreign criminals on the run crisis: deportation looms

Freed foreign criminals on the run crisis: deportation looms

London, Saturday 29 April 2006, (Associated Mess): The Metropolitan Police has confirmed today that it is about to take drastic action on the fiasco of missing foreign ex-prisoners on the run who have so far escaped deportation. And top of their...

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Funny story: Harry plans new Diana Memorial Fountain

Harry plans new Diana Memorial Fountain

Clarence House, London; Friday 28 April 2006 - (Associated Mess): The House of Mountbatten has announced this morning that a public outrcy has confirmed that young Prince Harry has not milked the memory of the late Diana, Princess of Wales enough, n...

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Funny story: Cherie: it was nits

Cherie: it was nits

London, Monday 24 April 2006 - (Associated Mess): Downing Street has admitted today that the exorbitant cost of grooming Cherry Bush QC during the 2005 general election was due to an infestation of lice which had taken refuge in Mrs Blair's c...

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Funny story: Adams to get Order of the Gutter in 80th birthday honours

Adams to get Order of the Gutter in 80th birthday honours

Buckingham Palace, London; Thursday 20 April 2006 - (Associated Mess): Provisional IRA leader Gerry Adams is widely tipped to be awarded the Order of the Gutter in the 80th Birthday celebrations at Buckingham Palace tomorrow.

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Funny story: In her birthday suit

In her birthday suit

London, 19 April 2006 - (Associated Mess): A new portrait of Betty Von Battenburg has been released ahead of official celebrations to commemorate the 80th birthday of the late Princess Elizabeth Windsor, who died tragically along with her parents K...

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Funny story: London Holds Tryouts For New Olympic Sports

London Holds Tryouts For New Olympic Sports

With anticipation of the 2012 Olympics - which are to be held in London - growing every day, London's Honorary Olympic Committee has decided that the '12 Olympics should be full of change and difference. Therefore, all next week ideas for new...

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Funny story: Margaret's baubles go under the hammer and sickle

Margaret's baubles go under the hammer and sickle

Kensington Palace, London: Tuesday 11 April 2006 - (Associated Mess): Baubles once worn by Princess Margaret are to be sold off at auction later this year as the taxman finally catches up with descendants of the late HRH, whose demise in 2002 sent...

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Funny story: Arafat was promised peerage

Arafat was promised peerage

London, Monday 10 April 2006 - (Associated Mess): Downing Street distanced itself today from continuing press reports that PLO leader Yasser Arafat bankrolled the Labour Party's 1997 general election landslide win with a series of loans and bur...

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Funny story: World leaders mourn unexpected suicide of Sinn Fein lifestyle guru

World leaders mourn unexpected suicide of Sinn Fein lifestyle guru

London, Thursday 6 April 2006 - (Associated Mess): A feeling of utter shmuck and incomprehension prevails in the corridors of power in Whitehall and Capitol Hill today as the world comes to terms with the sudden and totally mysterious, unexpected...

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Funny story: Camilla's anniversary joy as Philip is sent to old folks' home

Camilla's anniversary joy as Philip is sent to old folks' home

Clarence House, London; Wednesday 5 April 2006 -(Associated Mess): Charles' and Camilla's official website - Pretenders 'R' Us Dot Con - has today posted preview details of the couple's forthcoming first wedding anniversary cele...

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Funny story: Blairs' Opus Dei Confessor invokes Rite of Spring

Blairs' Opus Dei Confessor invokes Rite of Spring

London, 4 April 2006 - (Associated Mess): The Prime Minister's official spokesperson has issued a categorical "No Comment" on UK press reports this weekend that the Blairs regularly worship at their official residence according to...

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Funny story: Soothsayers warn House of Mountbatten of imminent disaster

Soothsayers warn House of Mountbatten of imminent disaster

London, Saturday 1 April 2006 - (ReUterus & Associated Mess): The annual UK gathering of Bards, Soothsayers and Interpreters of the Splayed Organic Intestines at the Hellfire Club's Gloucestershire HQ at Highgrove House has rocked its audience...

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Funny story: Decongestion discharge worries for Mayor Livingstone

Decongestion discharge worries for Mayor Livingstone

London, Thursday 30 March 2006 - (Associated Mess): The latest round of formal diplomatic pleasantries between London Mayor Ken 'Red Ken' Livingstone and US Ambassador to the Court of St James's Mr Bill Swift-Tuttle entered an unpreceden...

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Funny story: UK corruption inquiry: cops say Tories loaned millions to Tony Blur

UK corruption inquiry: cops say Tories loaned millions to Tony Blur

London, Wednesday 29 March 2004 - [Pravda]: Officers investigating the UK loans for peerages fiasco that has embroiled the Labour Party are now probing reports that the Conservative Party has been its main lending source for the last forty years.

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