Another Christmas, another tragedy, as a London woman is mauled to death by a dangerous dog. When police officers attended the scene, it took several of them to get the Belgian mastiff off its unfortunate victim, using riot shields to corral the beas...
My father always gave me good advice. He told me that when you have been found out and have absolutely no way out you should get in first by putting the best possible explanation as to how you made your terrible errors. So here goes. My wife is a wonderful woman or sadly was a wonderful woman. But she went too far in criticising my scrambled eggs. Many a dinner table has been charmed by my perf...
London, England - "Boy is that 25 lb bird still at the butchers shop?" "You mean the one as big as me?" "Yes, bigger than you!.. Wonderful lad, charming fellow. Take these coins and go and buy it this instant, then take a taxi to 2 Porter Stree...
MITTEN BUTTE, Arizona - Bill Maher was speaking before a group known as Arizonian's For Arizona Only Period. Maher, or Gumby, as he is called by many, told the assembled crowd of 27 people that he is tired of people asking him why he is so damn bi...
Royal aides are Googling for 24-hour masonry repair service in Norfolk, after Sorry, Doshless of York, had to be chipped out of a chimney at Sandringham House following a failed bid to regain entrance to the royal circle by dressing as Santa Claus.
Tension coloured the Royal Family's annual gathering at Sandringham today as the burden of entertaining a houseful of relations became too much for the Queen. "As usual," sighed a Lady-in-Waiting," she's tried to do too much. She was up to three...
DON'T SUFFER IN SILENCE! DON'T BOTTLE IT UP! LET IT ALL OUT! "Readers Problems Answered" Is Here To Help With This Week's Guest Editor: Key 19th Century Literary Realist and Author of The Portrait of a Lady and The Turn of the Screw HENRY JAMES Henry James certainly couldn't be accused of bottling it up, with all those novels and stories under his belt, and all his incredibly long s...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, was today recovering at home following a harrowing ordeal as he prepared for the Christmas holiday from work by arranging for a colleague to drop him off at a station close to his workplace after his final day at work,...
Just over a day until Christmas and if you have been following out guide to 'Slow Cooked Christmas' you will by now be well on the way to being completely prepared for the day itself and the only thing that should be left to do for the Christmas meal is the gravy. Just to re-cap, the turkey egg that you placed in the 'Mega-Slow Cooker', on ultra low heat, in November 2009 should have by now hat...
Every year, around this time, the idiot public rush around like headless turkey's, buying trinkets and knick-knacks for their loved ones, in a vain attempt to prove how much love they have for one another. This love, which is measured in monetary terms, and nothing else, is often left 'til the last moment. I run a very successful online shop, even if I do say so myself. And I just did, so th...
Santa, (AKA Chris Kringle) (AKA Saint Nicholas) has been informed by NATO that he and his sleigh have been grounded by request of the US Homeland Security Agency. The document stated that Santa has repeatedly ignored to respond to request for ins...
LONDON - The original story of baby Jesus invokes love into many a person's heart. But some people feel it is outdated. The story will be remade to conform to the consumeristic and materialistic standards of today. Firstly, Mary received a halo-gr...
In a sweeping move today Walmart has bought the entire rights to Christmas and all its accessories. The move is designed to give Walmart control over the popular holiday and to help shore up the retail giant as being the main source that shoppers go...
(Washington, DC - December 21, 2010)… Early Tuesday, President Barack Obama (Yeah, him again.) made the controversial announcement that this year, the Christian celebration affectionately referred to by supporters as a "Happy Holiday" is canceled.
Heathrow Airport, UK, are a bunch of incapable losers claim many stranded tourists hoping to escape the "Christmas tinsel plastic hell" that the British festive season has turned into. Due to the terrible weather Heathrow seem to be totally hopele...
Retailers were bemoaning the weather yesterday, as once again Britain ground to a halt in freezing conditions. As airports closed and trains stopped running, shops were looking emptier than is usual at this time of year. The lack of customers l...
Tesco has spared no expense to treat its staff to a wonderful Christmas dinner this year, all 230,000 of them, including cleaners and shelf-stackers. 150,000 lbs of turkey was purchased from Asda, 100,000 lbs of potatoes were purchased from Penrit...
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