New Manchester City owners Abu Dhabi United Group have tonight released a Press statement which sets out their future vision for the club, including Champions League ambitions, the banning of alcohol at Eastlands, and several new players from Arabia.
Greater Manchester Police have declared a State of Emergency in the city centre tonight, after fighting that broke out between rival Manchester United and Manchester City fans escalated into a full scale riot. The trouble started at a news stand n...
Manchester Shitty Football Club owner Foreskin Shitawaterat has agreed to sell the club to a Middle Eastern camel trading company for what sports business analysts are calling "lots and lots of fucking money." Shitawaterat today signed a memorandu...
Dimitar Berbatov, the Tottenham striker, who had been expected to sign for Manchester United, has been snapped from under their very noses, by their neighbours, Manchester City! City boss Mark Hughes said that owner Thaksin Shinawatra told him thi...
Breaking from his strict traditional approach to football, Capo Capello named Jimmy "Bullocks" Bullard to England football squad. Rejecting still wounded soldier Owen down with a case of the "mumps", Capello went with the surprise choice. Bullar...
The wheels came off for the Hull teams this afternoon, when, in the biggest fixture mix-up of all time, Hull City went up against St Helens in the Rugby League Challenge Cup Final at Wembley, and their rugby neighbours Hull FC stayed at the KC to ta...
Manchester United continued with their poor start to the season in Monaco last night, when they were trounced by unfancied Zenit St Petersburg in the European Super Cup. The Russians ran out 2-1 winners, and the scoreline was only made slightly l...
Buckingham Palace has confirmed The Queen will be at Stamford Bridge on Sunday as a VIP guest of Scolari. Since the summer arrival of Felip Scolari Queen Elizabeth 11 has apparently been quite taken by the blues, causing her to shift allegiance f...
Kevin McCabe, Chairman of Sheffield United Football Club, publicly stated his "disgust" today upon being informed that the government has demanded the club change its nickname. A spokesman for Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, said this evening that...
Dimitar Berbatov, the troubled Tottenham striker, has astonished White Hart Lane officials by signing transfer forms with, not as expected, Manchester United, but with the Bulgarian Royal Ballet. Berbatov travelled to Bulgaria this afternoon to co...
Dimitar Berbatov, the unsettled Tottenham striker, is at the centre of Fraud allegations tonight, after a 'body double' of the moody Bulgarian was found in a North London factory. Berbatov has been a target for Manchester United recently, and it w...
Shaun Can't Dance Samba-Phillips was today booted out of a Premier West London Samba School. The elitist West London based Samba Swivelers have,for ages,been trying to get shot of Mr Bandy-Legs Can't Dance-Can't Score,even including him as a sale...
Manchester United's 26-year-old Serbian centre-half Nemanja Vidic has been talking about his love for the Northern capital and his favourite pastime when he isn't playing football - the ancient English art of Trainspotting. Vidic told Russian jour...
Premiership newboys Hull City are preparing themselves and their fans for the greatest triumph in the team's 104-year history on Saturday, when it's entirely possible the Tigers will be sitting atop the Premier League! City have started off well,...
David Beckham, the England footballer, had members of the Press in stitches yesterday at the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympic Games, where he was appearing solely for the purpose of kicking a football once from the top of a London double-decke...
Following Daniel Agger's failure to feature for Liverpool thus far in their Premier league campaign, the club's official spokesman Ben Dodd has issued a statement amid claims the danish defender was photographed playing frisbee on Fistral beach durin...
A welcome added bonus to the weekly wage. A relaxing break in the Bahamas. A fun day out at Laser Quest. Add to these traditional bonding and morale initiatives Steve Bruce's latest reward scheme of offering outstanding performers free and unlimited...
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