Sussex Police were on high alert today preparing to defuse trouble between rival sets of south coast gangs in Worthing. Residents of the resort are anxiously awaiting the arrival of gangs of pensioners from along the coast at Littlehampton. "We...
Bill Bratton, the former New York police commissioner brought in by Prime Minister David Cameron to advise him on how to go about curbing Britain's street violence, preferably without having to increase the numbers of our police officers on the stree...
Gotham City -- Help is on the way to rescue London's beleaguered Metropolitan Police from a combination of catastrophes involving rioting, looting, burning, and phone hacking. US President Barack Obama has assigned America's most popular law enfo...
Dear Sir, You are probably wondering what has become of your editor, Mr Lowton, as he has not been seen in your offices since last Thursday. The answer is simple: Your editor has been kidnapped, and is currently being held to ransom. He was taken by me during his lunch break, when he had popped out (as was his custom) to buy a sandwich from Greggs The Bakers across the road. I have been...
LONDON, England: In scenes reminiscent of the Blitz, the populace of England are being terrorised by gangs of thugs. Norman Brennan the former British Transport Police officer and founder of the Victims of Crime Trust, has made this statement on na...
Relative calm was restored to the streets and dark alleys of London last night following the Reichstag-like fires across the Nation's capital just twenty-four hours earlier. Prime Minister David Cameron's made a cunning ploy to forewarn Monday ni...
Manchester has suffered the worst riots and public unrest in the city's history. Yobs, youths, and grown men that should know better, laid siege to the centre of Manchester last night. A government spokesman said early this morning: "These fol...
London, England. Monday. Police have finally developed a feasible plan to control or even cease the level of rioting and looting happening in the city streets today. Over the course of the last 48 hours, Metropolitan Police have devised a number of o...
Hot on the heels of the recent unrest in London, it has been reported that riots have now spread to Dublin. There were rumours last night that up to 3 pints of Guinness had been spilled in the past two hours in the centre of Dublin, and Irish Prim...
Prime Minister David Cameron has cut short his holiday abroad and is trying to book a flight back to the UK to take control of the serious situation in the capital where thousands of youths have seized control of the streets. The rampaging youth...
BARSTOW, California - Deejay Samantha Ronson was returning from having performed at a Quinceañera Party in Las Vegas when she was pulled over for doing 89 mph in a 29 mph speed zone. Ronson, the ex-girlfriend of Lindsay "The Lucky Bitch" Lohan, to...
Recently, Mr. Butterfinger® from Chocolate Ville wondered what the Whichamacallit® was lying by the Dots® on 5th Avenue®. Help arrived when the 3 Musketeers® jumped in to investigate, but crying interrupted them as Baby Ruth®...
Most residents of Middlesbrough, England, were ecstatic when they heard that the Olympic Torch will be carried through their town en route to London for the opening of the 2012 Olympic Games. The 'handing over' of the torch will take place at The...
Planned cuts in the police department may not be popular with many, but one section of society who are elated with the news are thieves. LancsNews's talented and outrageous reporter Taribo West tracked a robber and found him in his secret cave. Th...
The HM Inspectorate of Constabulary has confirmed they will be drastically slashing the number of brown envelope receptacles in operation across the force in the UK, according to research conducted by the body. It is expected that there will be 34...
Despite his meteoric rise to power, his total control of the Senate, Tribunes and the Praetorian Guard and also the vice-like grip he held over the city for over fifteen years, it emerged today that not one single person in Rome had had much to do wi...
The government is to consider changing the drink driving laws in Britain. For a trial period in and around London from next month traffic police officers will no longer have to accompany drivers to police stations after they've been pulled over when...
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