London - (Thespian Mess): The Pope's grandson will present a lifetime achievement gong to KGB hooker Vanessa Redgrave this Sunday at the Royal Opera House. William, son of UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown and EU gravy train madame Baroness Ashton, wa...
LONDON-ISTAN: Uneasy lies the balding head on which will rest the crown [of jewels stolen from India]- someday. Pictures released on Thursday by a well-known royal rag show the 27-year old prematurely balding-blond Prince William with a thick hea...
Sydney - (Tossers): Anti-terror cops said today they had tracked a secret CD containing terrorist codes hiddden in the young upstart's luggage. The device contained an encrypted masterplan to crash a Chinese nuclear submarine into Chevron's massiv...
Forces sweetheart Prince William has arrived in Sydney on his first royal visit representing the Queen. However he has caused some raised eyebrows amongst his subjects 'down under' by carrying out his duties whilst putting on a Queens voice and acti...
It emerged today that Prince William, has secretly spent the last week in a crack den to better understand the effects of the notorious drug, crack-cocaine. Stumbling out of a squat in Brixton, South West London, the second in line to the throne look...
Senior officials at Clarence House today announced that William and Kate will marry in 2010. The long awaited announcement was made at a press conference called hastily at Clarence House. Phone calls were made to trusted reporters, whilst tabloid...
Wiltshire - (Blitzkreig Mess): Wills and Harry are leading suspects after army bomb disposal experts at RAF Desmond Lyneham battled for four hours today to dismantle a five kilotonne nuclear device. A hasty MoD D-notice gagged any delicate details...
As expenses scandal after expenses scandal rocked the nation, with politicians falling over themselves to deny any wrongdoing before either resigning or being sacked, the Royal Family's selection committee decided not to reselect Princes Charles, Har...
Princes William and Harry have been offered their own comedy sketch show on BBC3. BBC bosses were said to be keen to sign up the popular double act after their hilarious back and forth banter in a recent TV interview. Prince William said that whi...
London - (Bogota Ass Mess): The seizure of 684 kilos of cocaine in a Highgrove House 'Man & Van' in the Pont d'Alma Mater underpass where Princess Diana died has totally scuppered Prince William and Kate Middleton's royal wedding ambitions. Th...
London - (Royal Arse Mess): Mind-bogglingly sordid details of Royal Air Force recruit Prince William's security vetting assessment resulots have been lost by the MoD. Wills scored positive on hidden criminal convictions, soaring drug dealer and c...
As MPs in Westminster reeled under continual media attacks, today it was the turn of the Royal Family. Their caped crusader relation, Superpranny, who single-handedly defeated the Iraqis last year, was helicoptered by the Army to an underwater darts...
BUCKINGHAM PALACE, LONDON: The man who will be King is upset with his thinning hair. Wills is said to have told close friends that he is shocked and utterly despondent at the rapidity of his hair loss. The heir to the throne is also not amused tha...
Langley, Va - (AssoCIAted mess): Spooks at the CIA's oxymoronic President George Herbert Bush Center for Intelligence (sic) HQ have warned President Obama about the dangers of continuing Bush Administration appeasement of ruthless scumbag terrorists...
Prince William is to become the next King of England.A statement from Buckingham Palace today announced that against normal Royal protocol, the son of the next in line to the Throne would be taking the position when the current head, Her Majesty the...
The queen hath bestowed upon Princes Will and Harry what they did thinkest was a great adventure in a castle of their own: "Our own palace-pad with our very own heliopad to shuttle in and out the booze, the broads and the videogames!", the royal...
Ballybollox Castle, Scotland - (Festive Fisting Mess): The UK media is all agog at recently released pictures of a 'simple Highland crack dealing den' on the Old Queen Mum's former Birkhall estate. The hut is where Koo Stark's bastard spawn Kate M...
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