The latest 3D Shoot-em-up setting in the sleepy suburb of Dorking has sparked outrage among residents of the sleepy suburb of Dorking. "The game is good and all," said resident youth, Jay Stick. "It's just not Dorking, you know." According to r...
Celebrations were well under way at Felcher's Bottom Manor last night, as local aristocrat, Dame Penelope Farthing swept the board at the 71st annual Dorking Xmas Pickles And Preserves Festival, which this year was held on the top field of the Starli...
The residents of the sleepy Cotswold town of Stains-on-Pillowcase have today suffered a rude awakening when it emerged that due to an administrative error their town had been twinned with, O La La Bonk, which it now transpires is actually a Brothel i...
Henry Upt-Ight, a local bed and breakfast owner, claims to have been cursed with a name wrongly identifying a personality trait. Upt-Ight wants the world to know how easy going and relaxed of a person he can actually be. I meet Henry at the Upt-Ig...
America is known for its non-violent protests. From Martin Luther King's Sit Ins all the way to our most current Occupy Wall Street, our non-violent protests serve as an effective way to prove a point without harming anyone. We are allotted the privi...
Local Man and One Time Busy Person, Seaton Carew, is once again waiting. Having spent the majority of the year carrying out very little waiting due to having stuff to do, the wannabe failed entrepreneur has suddenly found himself in the unenviable...
Local man, Mike Beesaw, can not hear a word his wife is saying in the other room. Mike and Laurie Beesaw have been married for just under one year and so far, things have been going just fine. At night, Mike likes to sit in the living room of his...
The Bishop of Barnsley caused outrage yesterday when he announced he had undergone a surgical operation in which he was irreversibly conjoined with a pederast. Monty Python's 1973 LP Matching Tie and Handkerchief includes a sketch called 'Elephant...
As the European debt crises worsens and Britain's economic outlook gets bleaker by the day, a disturbing new crime wave has erupted across the nation. What began with unscrupulous thieves stealing garden gates, television aerials and the lead from...
A local man was rushed to hospital yesterday suffering from what doctors describe as a severe case of "shock and utter bewilderment." He was apparently taken ill after a phone call to computer software giant Microsoft's helpdesk. Mr Antonin Dvo...
After an extensive study lasting three years, the government's panel on Health and Safety in Britain have come to the conclusion that stair rails, or banisters, should not be smooth. "There was an accident in 2008," said the government's chief Hea...
Following a series of spurious internet allegations, local man, Martin Shuttlecock today categorically denied any and all allegations that he has been conducting an illicit and improper sexual relationship with a fruit bat. Up the loft. "I neve...
The floods currently seeping through the Thai capital of Bangkok are the most ridiculous floods in the history of mankind, or dinosaurkind, claims a man on the scene. Moys Kenwood, 38, has told friends that, contrary to other floods, where raging...
As shocking as it may be, exhaustive survey results have revealed that the vast majority of internet users only use the facility to access internet pornography. It appears that in this enlightened day and age, the casual observer would rather watch s...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, has revealed that he was subjected to unwarranted abuse, yet again, but this time, unusually, it was on a Monday. The incident occurred as Shuttlecock was en-route to work on his bicycle, and as he stopped off at a cash...
A local man claims that Saturday will be a day to forget. Mr Gideon Lambrusco claimed to be "minding his own business" when his day just started to unravel for no apparent reason. "I just don't get it," said Mr Lambrusco, 46, of Panfried Garden...
Police in the small NJ town of Scooterville (pop 248) have reported travel mayhem as visitors pour into the town for the 3rd Annual World Dungaree Championships. Sherriff Teddy Cockspur, the only law enforcement officer in the parish, said that t...
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