Anfield was left reeling this afternoon, after Liverpool manager Rafa 'Rafa' Benitez announced that Robbie Keane would not start in the nearly-top-of-the-table clash against millionaire playboys Chelsea of West London. 'Keane will not start,' said...
Under immense pressure (which he welcomed), Portsmouth's manager Tony Adams today woke up, looked in the mirror, and accepted the resignation of his own reflection, in a bid to 'move on and do what's best for Portsmouth Football Club'. 'I'd like t...
As Manchester United opened up a 5-point gap at the top of the Premier League yesterday, football analysts were saying that today's game at Anfield between Liverpool and Chelsea could effectively be a play-off for second spot. United are looking a...
Manchester City announced the signing of 2 Brazilian strikers, this morning. However it is beginning to emerge that they may have fallen for an expensive "con". At the press conference confirming the £48 million joint signing of "Eranu" and "Uvav...
Shock hit the premiership today as the Blackburn manager Sam Allardyce revealed that his grandfather was in fact, famous mafia head Al Capone. "Yes, he was my grandad" confirmed Allardyce, "We visited him a few times when he was on Alcatraz, but t...
In today's action-packed Premiership game between Manchester United and Everton, there was real drama when Edwin van der Sar cheated Death, after managing to defend his goal for a record-breaking 1,104 minutes. The previous record, set way back in...
The increasing levels of pressure on Manchester City has clearly taken its toll. Blackburn Police are reporting that start striker for the Riversiders, Roque Santa Cruz has been kidnapped. Security footage from Ewood Park clearly shows a masked m...
In the latest example of the mind games that Sir Alex Ferguson is willing to play with his opponents in the Premiership, he has selected himself as a lone striker for the Manchester United vs Everton match this weekend. In what is being seen as a...
Doctors at Bolton General Hospital have this afternoon confirmed reports that Kevin Nolan, the Bolton Wanderers midfielder and captain, has gone absolutely stark, raving bonkers. Nolan, it was announced this morning, had just joined Newcastle Unit...
"Are you an Arsenal fan? Tired of wondering whether or not your team will secure the talents of the mercurial Russian? Wondering why your team hasn't made any improvements during the course of the January 2009 transfer window? Well, wonder no more...presenting, Arse' on Arsh'!" Gael Force: "Good morning Arsene, great to have you here, but let's not waste any of your precious time, I'm sure you'...
Most researchers suggest that the average human community has about 2 to 10 per cent homosexual members. The House of Lords of course was exempted from the study because of its disproportionate collection of poofs and lifelong fruits. Researche...
Liverpool players, and officials were shocked when Brazilian international Lucas Levia, broke down halfway through training at Melwood, and admitted he was a hobbit. After attempting to clear the ball on three occassions and hitting air instead, t...
The Real Madrid footballer Kaka has announced that he is developing, in conjunction with style guru Lawrence Loo-Ellen Bowlegs, a new rage of fashion pants for the fashion unconscious person. Called "Kaka Pants", this versatile range has been deve...
An anonymous professional footballer, currently playing in the lower leagues of the English divisions, has sent shock waves through the footballing world by passing the theory part of his driving test at the FIRST attempt. The young Einstein has...
Everton Football Club tonight fielded one of the supporters following the team in the ground. This comes as a result of the injury crisis currently gripping the club's strikers. With Yakubu, Saha and Vaughan all on the sidelines, Manager David Mo...
After last weekend's scenes of terrifying mindless violence and seat-throwing at the FA Cup fourth round tie between Hull City and Millwall, 'men' associated with both clubs have this morning announced that they are to stage protests against the Mode...
In order to settle, once and for all, the dispute over England's controversial win in the 1966 World Cup final over Germany, the game is to be replayed. FIFA, the world football association, has got cheesed off with the constant bickering over Geo...
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