VENICE, CALIF. -- The police chief of this small beachside suburb yesterday contracted with an international fish monger to lease three, drug-sniffing great white sharks. "I'm going to turn'em loose in our famous Venice canals," said Chief Ratchet. "...
TV space egghead Brian Cox is in more trouble today after a small west country town was devastated by a spate of burglaries last night. The crimes were committed during a town-wide black-out, co-ordinated as part of Cox's three-night BBC2 astronom...
The London Riots were postponed last night on police advice after a game of football broke out at White Hot Lane between two teams of eleven footballers. The final day of riots had been pencilled in for early January after the scheduled date in Au...
SHERMAN OAKS - Police were recently called to the Mulholland Estates Mansion of actor Charlie Sheen after reports of some kind of explosion was called in by a neighbor. According to Sherman Oaks Police, a call was received at police headquarters f...
New York, NY - The fire department was called to quell street celebrations here after the live television audience of the pilot for the new reality TV show, "Methbusters", was accidentally exposed to massive amounts of crystal meth, according to anon...
Lord Leveson's Inquiry into media standards is to expand its investigations into tabloid newspapers' plans to foment riots on British streets. The news follows yesterday's publication of the official review of police tactics during the summer dist...
CUCAMONGA - Tiger Woods participated in the Second Annual Heidi Montag Invitational Golf Tournament over the weekend. The Cucamonga Chit-Chat Chronicle is reporting that Woods is extremely upset at being the victim of a hot dog throwing incident w...
Stewart: When's he going to get here? Tracy: I don't know. Stewart: Soon, you think? Tracy: I don't know I said. He'll get here. Stewart: It's been hours since you sent for him. Tracy: He'll get here. Stewart: He's big. Tracy: He's big. Stewart: It all started with the Rockefeller Christmas tree case, didn't it? Tracy: It did. Stewart: Before my time.
Manama - Fans of the 1960s' cartoon Top Cat swear blind he's the surreal reincarnation of a tin pan alley patrolman beloved by generations of TC fans. Tonight fat cats in the Old Alley are purring with delight at John Yates' appointment as Bahrain...
PORTER RANCH, California - Police in the San Fernando Valley town of Porter Ranch have released the infamous Black Friday Pepper Sprayer and are still trying to figure out if they should file charges against her. What? According to Fuchsia Garfunk...
The annual War on Christmas has already taken its toll this year, with atheist billboards going up next to highways across the country, shocking the sensibilities of Christians on their way to Wal-Mart. But some Christians have found a way to fight b...
The Doctor, a time travelling do gooder with his own fly on the wall documentary on BBC1, has been arrested in Dorking. "We were sitting by the public library, Del and me," said PC Roy Chambers, "when we looked around and there was this sodding gr...
UNIVERSITY PARK, Pennsylvania - Members of the news media are reporting that for the first time in over a week, the former defensive coach of Penn State University Jerry Sandusky has managed to smile. According to Sports Territory Magazine Sandusk...
HOLLYWOOD - Lions Face Pictures in association with TouchRock Films has just announced that production will soon begin on the motion picture Oops - The Officer John "Pepper Spray' Pike Story. The movie will feature John Goodman in the starring rol...
Regrettably, yet again (four) police officers have been stabbed while attempting to arrest a rather agitated, if not completely fucking loopy, nutter. The incident occurred in Kingsbury, Northwest London, on Saturday after a man had grabbed a knife f...
DAVIS, California - With two long sprays from his bottle of industrial pepper spray campus police officer Johnny Pike has just become the most hated man in America since John Wilkes Booth. According to Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors who covered the...
The Metropolitan Police have asked retailers to free up shop staff on full pay (minimum wage?) to work as special constables with full Police powers...as in 'cannon fodder'...during the olympic Games debacle. The programme called (ironically) ESP...
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