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Funny satire stories about Drugs

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Funny story: Suburban teen still waiting for his pot

Suburban teen still waiting for his pot

Lincoln, Nebraska - It is now hour five, and suburban boy Phillip Reardon is starting to think that the drug dealer he met may not be coming back. It started when Phil and some of his friends decided that they wanted to try some weed, like his old...

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Funny story: My Candy Shoppe

My Candy Shoppe

I've often wondered what my life would be like if I opened a candy shoppe. Fucking awesome is how it would be! My candy shoppe would be in a small town on Main Street, USA. You know the kind I mean- the street is clean and free of potholes and speed bumps. Stately trees line the street and the sidewalks are free of litter and homeless people. My candy shoppe would be little bit seperated...

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Funny story: Afghan Surge prompts joy amongst junkies

Afghan Surge prompts joy amongst junkies

Washington, D.C. - President Obama, dimed out by the British Press, is now contemplating just how many soldiers to send to the black hole of teens and tax-dollars that is Kabul. At stake is one of the key goals of American foreign policy, the cont...

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Funny story: Meth Tactics: Cold Medicine

Meth Tactics: Cold Medicine

Red Rock, Wyoming - In this city, which unbeknownst to our government is the Meth Capital of America, the local citizens have passed a new ordinance banning the sale of gasoline. "We had to do it.", reported Mayor Johnstone of Red Rock, "The Meth...

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Funny story: Royal Navy nets "lifetime supply" of cocaine

Royal Navy nets "lifetime supply" of cocaine

SCARBOROUGH England - Royal Navy spokesperson Captain Eallyrey Aygey says the Navy here has seized £4,523 billion worth of cocaine. The Scarborough-based frigate HMS Igodda Puke confiscated more than 2,400,333 tonnes of the drug from a 10,000 ft A...

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Funny story: New Commercials Filmed for Anti-depressant Drugs: Local Stores Report Grey Clothing All Gone

New Commercials Filmed for Anti-depressant Drugs: Local Stores Report Grey Clothing All Gone

In a diabolically clever scheme to sell more anti-depressants by filming depressing commercials, big Pharma has managed to buy almost all the grey clothing available in a 50 mile radius of Studio City, CA where the most successful and depressing of t...

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Funny story: Heroin Prescription For Addicts Available Over The Counter

Heroin Prescription For Addicts Available Over The Counter

Prescribing heroine on the NHS could be the way forward when it comes to treating addicts, according to Jack Straw. The justice secretary's comments come in the wake of a scheme in which heroines were given to addicts in supervised clinics had led...

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Funny story: ACORN Competes With Airline Over Drug Routes

ACORN Competes With Airline Over Drug Routes

New York, New York - ACORN announced today that it was entering the airline business with an eye towards competing over lucrative Caribbean drug routes. The move caught industry insiders by surprise and sent them scrambling to adjust their stock port...

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Funny story: Heroin addicts say 'yes' to free heroin in shock survey

Heroin addicts say 'yes' to free heroin in shock survey

A pilot scheme which gave free heroin to heroin addicts discovered they were less likely to pay for heroin from street dealers. Totally useless politicians have hailed the scheme a success after heroin addicts said that getting free heroin wheneve...

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Funny story: Dame Vera Lynn In Rehab

Dame Vera Lynn In Rehab

London, Yesterday. World War II forces sweetheart and, at 92, the oldest person to reach number one in the UK album chart, Dame Vera Lynn, has been admitted to the Prior E Clinic, citing exhaustion. Her Agent, Max Hergestellt, has admitted that s...

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Funny story: Laredo Drug-Sniffing Dog Becomes Addicted

Laredo Drug-Sniffing Dog Becomes Addicted

LAREDO, Texas - United States Custom's Department Director Adobe "Chipper" Chipotle has informed Washington D.C. that one of his top drug-sniffing dogs Spot has sadly become addicted to drugs. Spot, who is six years old has been a U.S. Custom's (C...

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Funny story: General McChrystal-Meth ups Taliban drug war ante

General McChrystal-Meth ups Taliban drug war ante

Tora Bora - (Bong-Hits-4-Osama Mess): NATO farces commander General McChrystal has vowed to end Non-Aligned Crack Barons Association turf wars with a lucrative Kabulshit narcotics contract. The Pentagon-inspired policy upgrade offers an immediate...

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Funny story: Michael Jackson Homicide Investigation Could Destroy Jacko Image Forever

Michael Jackson Homicide Investigation Could Destroy Jacko Image Forever

Observers here in the UK have been voicing concerns about the wisdom of US law enforcement officers pursuing Jackson aides regarding the illegal procurement of prescription drugs by allowing their names to be used on prescriptions which were being pr...

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Funny story: Celebrity Drug Addict Arrested For Assault

Celebrity Drug Addict Arrested For Assault

A celebrity who must remain nameless has been arrested for assault. The troubled celebrity was recently axed as the face of a supermarket chain following cocaine taking revelations. The latest incident further damages the celebrity's reputation.

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Funny story: The Latest Federal Program: "Cash For Stash"

The Latest Federal Program: "Cash For Stash"

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. government noting that the "Cash for Clunkers" program and its "Cash for Cluckers" program were both very successful has proposed a new program called the "Cash for Stash" program. This innovative project which will pay...

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Funny story: Butane Prices Set to Skyrocket -- Stoners on Alert

Butane Prices Set to Skyrocket -- Stoners on Alert

A "Rolling Stone" article a few weeks ago exposed an international banking house, Goldman Sachs, and how they engineered the last dozen financial bubbles in the U.S., such as the Internet Bubble in 2000, the Housing Bubble in 2007, and last summer's...

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Funny story: Michael Jackson Death Ruled A Homicide

Michael Jackson Death Ruled A Homicide

The death of Michael Jackson has been ruled a homicide and not an accident. Jackson died to the the effects of a lethal does of narcotics in his system that were provided to him by his private physician. Multiple prescriptions for the medicatio...

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