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Super quantum computer now available to the public

Funny story: Super quantum computer now available to the public

Cambridge MA - MIT scientist Jean Hiver held a press conference today under the Great Dome of MIT to announce to the world a modular quantum computer easily expandable to n qubits as n approaches infinity. Unlike previous inorganic architectural a...

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The new Asspull Watch deliberately makes you late

Funny story: The new Asspull Watch deliberately makes you late

Cupertino CA - Spokesperson Evilday Uckersay, of Asspull Computer, announced to a handful of reporters, assembled in a huge auditorium, that the new Asspull Watch is deliberately designed to slow you down and make you late after one year of use. H...

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Santa Claus converts to Islam

Funny story: Santa Claus converts to Islam

F.B.I. Headquarters - Children around the Earth will be disappointed to learn that Santa has converted to Islam and will not be visiting this year. In fact he is being held by the F.B.I., according to our source, agent Smith, on complaints of animal...

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Al Frankenfarter resigns from Senate to run for POTUS

Funny story: Al Frankenfarter resigns from Senate to run for POTUS

Washington D.C. (NYT) Al Frankenfarter sobbed through an emotional press conference yesterday where he revealed that he is God's gift to women. He revealed that he has been fighting so that women will be respected everywhere. He claims it is u...

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Americant Arlines offering special travel package to pilots

Funny story: Americant Arlines offering special travel package to pilots

Fort Worth, Texas - Americant Airlines spokesperson (she rides a bicycle to work) Marsheesha Aliboboosa announced today to a group of frazzled, jet lagged reporters a new travel discount program. Pilots and their friends, up to fifty of them, fly...

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Al Franken accused of touching himself inappropriately but not what you think!

Funny story: Al Franken accused of touching himself inappropriately but not what you think!

Washington D.C. - Comet Pizza regular, Edray Uttbay, called our pervert hotline in our newsroom to report yet another sordid case of inappropriate touching. The perpetrator? Al Franken. The victim? Al Franken. Comet Pizza regular, Edray Uttbay,...

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Yale solves hanging portrait white race issue

Funny story: Yale solves hanging portrait white race issue

Yale University - The Dean of Yale's Pierson College, Phallus Blanco, has responded to complaints surrounding his hanging portraits of white men in the residence halls. As reported previously (Click to read) "Yale college removes portraits of wh...

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Bernie drafts new healthcare bill

Funny story: Bernie drafts new healthcare bill

Washington D.C. - Bernie has done it again. His new healthcare bill draft is pure genius. And it's not what you think. Inspired by the British national socialist medical pogrom, and Prince Charles' desire to be reincarnated as an AIDS virus, deta...

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Painful ingrown penis removal videos to trend online predicts doctor pimple popper

Funny story: Painful ingrown penis removal videos to trend online predicts doctor pimple popper

Los Angeles, CA - In an exclusive interview with Dr. Pimple Popper, who called our newsroom's deviant hotline, the next big thing in medical videos will be painful ingrown penis removal videos shot at home. The doctor would not reveal her sources, b...

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Hillary renamed book "I Fart"

Funny story: Hillary renamed book "I Fart"

In an effort to boost flagging sales, the notorious loser, Hillary, has renamed her losing 'book', from the insipid "What Happened?", to "I Fart". The new publisher selected for this new edition is a little known vanity publisher the name of which w...

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Al Gore warns of a pending eclipse of the sun by the earth

Funny story: Al Gore warns of a pending eclipse of the sun by the earth

Washington DC - Al gore today announced that his team of scientists has discovered that we are almost at a point in time when the earth could in fact eclipse the sun resulting in hours of darkness. Unlike the recent harmless eclipse of the sun b...

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Big ag has cross bred chickens with Dolly Parton

Funny story: Big ag has cross bred chickens with Dolly Parton

Big Bend, TX - Scientists working with big agriculture have increased chicken breast size Texas style. The mutant chickens resulting from the work, according to local farmer Culo Gordo, are increasing profits by 126 percent. According to our sci...

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Americant Airlines to double passengers per flight with THIS

Funny story: Americant Airlines to double passengers per flight with THIS

Washington D.C. - The Federal courts have cleared the way for Americant Airlines to use THIS new invention to double passenger payload. The Federal courts have cleared the way for Americant Airlines to use THIS new invention to double passenger pa...

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Security robot dies chasing after a bird

Funny story: Security robot dies chasing after a bird

Washington DC - A security robot answering to the name "Tin man", was found tipped over in a fountain in the cities largest mall today. Tin moonlighted as a gigilo in addition to his security job. A bird drinking at the walk in fountain triggered Ti...

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Rony Tobbins hot reactor walk injures scores Japanese authorities say

Funny story: Rony Tobbins hot reactor walk injures scores Japanese authorities say

Fukushima, Japan - 331 people were treated for horrid burns after walking on hot nuclear corium during self-help guru Rony Tobbins' "Unleash the Canine Within" seminar in Fukushima, Japan, Mr. Sukanigga of TEPCO said. "It was ghastly", Ms. Hote...

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Governor of New Jersey took a crap on the beech

Funny story: Governor of New Jersey took a crap on the beech

The Beech, New Jersey - Governor Christie spent the 4th on a beech from which he had removed all citizens, even those that had homes on the beech. This assured he and his family of complete privacy. According to an anonymous family member, our sou...

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Granite counter tops no longer in fashion

Funny story: Granite counter tops no longer in fashion

Emmaus, PA - Once the height of fashion, granite counter tops are going the way of the Studebaker. What's in fashion now, according to Ms. McBoobay, Emmaus real estate agent, are the old counter tops that were in during the 1990's. The cheap old com...

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New York Times invents new flying machine

Funny story: New York Times invents new flying machine

New York, NY - The failing New York Times, in a drastic effort to save itself, has invented a new flying machine. Dubbed "The Cannard", the new machine has been problematic. Our secret source at the embattled NYT reveals the following about the pr...

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Breaking news…

Trump Family Publishes List of Places They Will Build New Trump Hotels

Coincidentally, they are all located in countries with no extradition treaty with the U.S.
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