US unelected President George "Big W" Bush has said there can be "no neutral ground in the fight between civilization and terrapins".
After the recent budget announcements by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, McGordon McBrown, it has emerged that the British electorate is planning to reduce the number of Labour MPs in Parliament by 408.
Forget terrorists. Forget bombs on trains, in shopping centres, in airports. The great threat to the population of London at this moment in time comes from - do-nuts.
Not content with wheeling out Bruce Forsyth and Johnny Vaughan (both of whom are at least alive) in an attempt to brighten up Saturday night television, the BBC has taken the radical step of digging up Morecambe and Wise and propping them up for a sp...
California's Supreme Court has ordered San Francisco officials to immediately suspend same-sex couples.
New statistics released this week in the UK reveal that the numbers of teenagers shagging and getting up the duff remains as high as it ever was. According to National Statistics Office figures, the rate of teenage pregnancies has not changed much si...
Vlad "The Impaler" Putin, Russian President and predicted winner of the upcoming Russian Presidential Elections, was today scornful of claims that he is the ‘New Stalin'.
The pizza recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the world's oldest authenticated piece of Italian cuisine has been eaten accidentally by a tourist who "missed his breakfast".
Vatican, Friday - In a shock announcement made at an impromptu Press Conference this morning the Supreme Pontiff has declared that John Kerry is "Christ reincarnated".
We all believed it - but now we know it's true. Essex is not part of England. It actually belongs to France.
Tony Blair today denied that plans to change the name of the Royal Family to the Public Family Number One signalled a change in attitude to the monarchy.
In his 500 years of whingeing from north of the border Robin Cook has scarcely ever said anything of interest. His broadcasts have been ignored by generations of radio listeners, and the fact that he has never made it to television shows just how imp...
It's Fair Trade fortnight - so let's all celebrate improved relations with the colonies and more money in those poor benighted natives' pockets!...
In a gesture of generosity rare in today's political world, Monica Lewinsky, famed fellationist and lover of Cuban cigars, offered herself to the winner of the Democratic Presidential nomination.
Fizzer Farmer-suiticals has pulled the plug on an 8-year research programme into the effects of Viagra on women after it appears that it makes no difference to their sexual satisfaction.
Labour Party Chairman Ian McCartney, long-lost bastard brother of Sir Paul McCartney the well-known tunesmith, told a press conference today that Clare Short would not be ‘made a tomato' by the Labour Party. "Her recent comments about UK spices in th...
Chairman of the Committee for Internal Affairs David Blunkett has outlined the options for terrorism in the UK.
A plan by Tony Blair to allow head teachers to carry out random drug tests has sparked a worried response from teaching unions.
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