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Funny story: Trenton Oldfield - "I'm not al-Qaeda"

Trenton Oldfield - "I'm not al-Qaeda"

A white terrorist has been disabled by the police near the Thames meaning he may never be able to swim again without supervision. Trenton Oldfield was spotted bobbing in the water near Hammersmith Bridge armed with diet coke and mento torpedo and...

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Funny story: Leaked defence strategy leaves Alex Salmond credability in tatters

Leaked defence strategy leaves Alex Salmond credability in tatters

Documents leaked to The Herald newspaper this weekend have laid bare the morass of thinking at Holyrood that passes for policy these days. Alex Salmond has personally endorsed a scheme that would reverse the electricity grid back to wind turbines...

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Funny story: Prescott brain goes under the hammer

Prescott brain goes under the hammer

Nathaniel Prescott, previously known as John has put his old brain up for auction with a reserve price of between 4 - 6 million Euros according to Burnhams Auction house in Mayfair. Director, David Spinks believes it will be of special interest to...

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Funny story: High speed rail link 3 ready by 2075

High speed rail link 3 ready by 2075

The government has given the green light to the HS3 project that will see trains travelling from London to Dublin in under 30 minutes. The all new trains will be fitted with custom made nuclear reactors that will pump out nearly 2 million horse po...

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Funny story: Gay chickens cannot be slaughtered rules EU

Gay chickens cannot be slaughtered rules EU

In a landmark case, the EU has rules that "Gay birds prefer cocks" and under the latest rooster charter must be individually considered for a right to family life. Given that some 2 billion chickens are pecking about across europe, this is expecte...

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Funny story: Bad Friday - congregation held under

Bad Friday - congregation held under

A service was held under 6 feet of water this morning in Morton-twix-Heron after occultists burst a nearby reservoir in preparation for their own Easter thanksgiving. In their version of events, a frogman in a white shroud emerges from a watery cr...

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Funny story: 10,000 police officers suspended for racist slurs

10,000 police officers suspended for racist slurs

Up to a quarter of all police officers are to be suspended with immediate effect pending an investigation into institutional ageism, fatism, simplism and racism. The whistle was blown by the Sun newspaper who have an arrangement with the home offi...

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Funny story: Virgin Rail tickets valid on Virgin Galactic

Virgin Rail tickets valid on Virgin Galactic

A computer glitch on a train ticket booking website has seen thousands of rail travellers snap up space travel tickets at knockdown prices. Due to planned engineering work, most travellers had expected to spend Easter at a bus stop in Crewe or Ban...

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Funny story: Hosepipe ban 'caused by Immigration' admits BBC

Hosepipe ban 'caused by Immigration' admits BBC

The BBC has issued a hasty apology for it's coverage of the hosepipe ban which started today in the South of England. During the 10pm broadcast, it was reported that water shortages were due to 'exceptionally' dry winters. Only 'a tiny' 200mm of r...

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Funny story: Cheryl Cole says - "Big bums get small rings"

Cheryl Cole says - "Big bums get small rings"

'Up the duff' - the popular wedding glossy has conducted a survey that will dash the hopes of millions of fat brides hoping to ride away with their new husband on a very strong horse. The straw poll discovered that most men would rather have a sli...

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Funny story: Geneticists develop puppy without poo

Geneticists develop puppy without poo

Most people agree that a bouncing and blundering puppy is about as cute as animals gets - except for the smelly downside - number twos. For their size, puppies burn an inordinate amount of energy - spending most of the day chewing anything with co...

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Funny story: Cheryl Cole and Jade Goody are examples to us all

Cheryl Cole and Jade Goody are examples to us all

Fredrick Everett was an explorer and Cyril Everett a well know industrialist. Surprise surprise, Rupert Everett is a renound actor. It helps in the media world to have relatives in high places. Take a look at almost anyone famous on Wikipedia, pa...

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Funny story: Unions are daft

Unions are daft

About 40yrs ago Michigan was the thriving hub of "Mo-town". Now some of the industry cities are being turned back to fields and woods and have a 'bear' problem. So what happened? Germany and Japan still make a lot of cars. The problem was 3 fold -...

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Funny story: Insurance industry enters 'death spiral'

Insurance industry enters 'death spiral'

The legacy of a government obsessed with hammering the motorist is that up to one in four motorists don't bother with insurance. There are multiple benefits to this depending on how criminally daring the motorist is. Having no insurance saves £10K...

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Funny story: Ted Hughes reflections II

Ted Hughes reflections II

Sunshine is not silent Reaching is not emotional Hoping is not a bet 850 people flying in a single plane is progress Pain had 2 vowels Hopeful has 3 Tony Blair will die - as we all will one day Football is strength and unity Brazil is early yet rewarding Time travel is still conjecture E equals mc squared is more profound than Maxwell Tragedy is a symptom not a crime. Cold rolli...

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Funny story: Ted Hughes reflections unearthed

Ted Hughes reflections unearthed

The crease of tissue paper silent and unplayable. A box is sometimes flat. The visitude of organisms is palpable. The dumbing down of science - self fulfilling. The angst of mothers is perpituous. The greed of the rich is ironic yet calculable. Sadness is not poverty. Desperation is not hope. The creed of Apollo sounds divine. Bovine is not supine. Treachery is brave. Gazu...

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Funny story: Love and Marriage? - OK Yah!

Love and Marriage? - OK Yah!

As little as 2 generations ago (or 3 if you're on benefits), you had to get married in the UK in order to sleep with someone 'publicly'. Of course there were all sorts of shenanigans during the war but right up until the benefits windfall of '83, men...

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