Santa Cruz, CA - "Bad Buoys, Bad Buoys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you?" You might recognize the theme song for the newest reality show to debut from California amidst their worst drought in years and ongoing, severe water...
First it was Subway that was selling halal meat, then Pizza Express, now it turns out halal produce is everywhere, including the water coming out of British taps. "This is an outrage," said Nick Farage, head of UKIP. "Why isn't this on the news?...
Paris (Roto Rooters) - The French government has provided 10M Euros (almost $14M U.S. dollars) to Aix-Marseille University Faculty of Sciences to conduct a study to determine why water is clear. An additional 7.5M Euros was granted to conduct a simil...
Justin Bieber really did it this time! Or someone is certainly after his hide. An estimated 200,000 visitors to the Ganges River in India who come there to bath and be healed had fled the area after spotting human waste bobbing down the river last...
According to a leading nutrition expert, Mars Langston, people should eat all the good-tasting junky food they like and pop a few vitamins jellies. "You will live about five years longer if you eat healthy but it's just not worth it! Much of that...
NEW YORK CITY - U.S. oceanic scientists are reporting that the English Channel is losing about 9 gallons of seawater per year. They stressed that although there is no need for concern at the present time, weather experts are keeping a close eye on...
For years educated West Virginians and outsiders criticized rural residents for serving children Mountain Dew. Now, a month into a water crisis caused by a chemical spill, all residents have become Mountain Dew drinkers. "I was very hesitant, but...
With the recent devastating flooding across the south of England, the Waterways Agency have requested help from the government to locate hundreds of miles of missing canals. "We thought we knew where they were," said Walter Way, head of Canal main...
1. Make sure to keep tissues handy to collect dog breath condensation on car windows. 2. Put ice cubes back in freezer after using. 3. Collect dew from dewey-eyed starlets in Hollywood. 4. Follow Governor Brown's example and forego showering. 5. Require all foreign tourists to bring a minimum supply of five liter water bottles. 6. Ban wet t-shirt contests. 7. T...
Recent water floods, hurricanes and deluges briefly put water into the country's reservoirs, but the drought warnings this morning mean hosepipe bans and shortage restrictions are back in force. At the headquarters of Wales Water in Y Borth, near Abe...
GOP Nemesis Nancy Pelosi does not take baths according to a hacked NHS spy recording. Why? "We're still listening", says reporter. Nancy Patricia D'Alesandro Pelosi, elected Democratic Leader by House Democrats and therefore the Minority Leader...
The new map of the UK by the Ordinance Survey Dept. has only England, Ireland, Northern Scotland and Southern Scotland on it. Wales, soon to be completely flooded by Thames Water's new reservoir has ceased to exist on the map. The new reservoir w...
PLYMOUTH, Massachusetts - The United States Scuba Diving Commision has just announced an amazing feat achieved by one of its members. The USSDC stated that member Owen Windowtucker, 52, of Boston has just swum underwater from Plymouth, Massachuset...
CHICAGO, IL - Scientists have determined that Lake Michigan will soon be empty due to erosion of Niagara Falls. Chicago currently gets 83% of their water from Lake Michigan. Congressional Democrats have proposed spending $136T to "regulate" the ou...
RYE, New Hampshire - The United States Coast Guard has informed the public that they have rescued a New Hampshire woman identified as Candace Buttercastle, 42, who was found floating in the freezing waters of the North Atlantic for an amazing 37 days...
Anglia Water bosses today admitted its staff have nothing to do and could end up introducing a hosepipe ban just for the sake of it. We will also send out some bills which are higher then usual to keep our complaints department busy. A custom...
POCATELLO, Idaho - Dontavian "Buzz" Buttonbocker, 53, says that ever since he was in grade school he has always been fascinated with hot air balloons. The Pocatello native actually built his first hot air balloon at the age of 9. He said that it w...
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