TARZANA, California - Selena Gomez was visiting a cousin in Tarzana, Flo "Frisky" Fernandez, when she was asked about her latest hit single. She said the song is currently ranked #2 with a bullet. The title of the song is "Ya Know Just Cause I Hav...
HOLLYWOOD - Two of Tinsel Town's leading producers, brothers Amaretto and Staccato Monteverdi have joined together to film the vampire epic, The Vampire Diet. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart purchased the rights to the Alec Swishtoot penned n...
HOUSTON - After being the owners of The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill in Houston for only three months, Rob Pattinson and Kris Stewart have decided that the restaurant business is not for them. Pattinson said that both are just too busy with their v...
LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas - A spokesperson for the largest retail chain in the world has just stated that every single franchise chain store has completely sold out of The Vuvuzela Vampire Action Figure Dolls. The giant retailer has said that they hav...
LOS ANGELES - The star of The Twilight Saga vampire movies Kristen Stewart has issued an apology apologizing about having made some way out of line remarks. Stewart reportedly said to a reporter for Great Britain's Elle Em En Ooh Pee Magazine that...
Renowned Transylvanian vampire, Nosferatu, aka Max Shreck, finally arrived in the Yorkshire port of Whitby last night after an arduous sea crossing on a sailing ship which left the crew dead, and the Captain, also dead, lashed to the wheel. As ass...
Apparently among the young people of the Twilight filming was a real vampire, disguised as a prop. Immediately after the filming, Nosferatu, made his way out, unknown until someone asked the question, "Where's that extra coffin used in the first half...
A new movie proposal is being considered by Robert Pattinson, in the title role of The Bat Man! No, it isn't Batman, but The Bat Man. According to the writers, this will be an adventure comedy role here the Bat Man who DOES fight crime, but is act...
Los Angeles, California - Vampiric child molester, crotch grabber, and aspiring dancer, Jack Michaelson was today finally laid under the sod, once and for all. The interment ceremony took place today before a handful of anaemic looking people who...
A new, terrifying species of vampire has been discovered that has begun a feeding frenzy throughout the world. The horrifying part is that it haunts the least likely of places- your local bank! This vampire is a new one for the books- it feeds...
The new American Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made the surprising claim that she is not a blood-sucking vampire. Speaking from the White House, as the sun went down over Washington DC, Mrs Clinton said: 'I don't know where these crazy rumors...
The vampire waited patiently, ravenously in the dark alley. His never ending thirst was a suction within himself that pulled and tore at every organ. Weakened by lack of finding a victim for several nights, he knew he must find one tonight or suffer...
The Monroe County Blood Bucket Facility was robbed last night by a pale-skinned vampire just after midnight. The nocturnal thief stole every single container of Type A blood, leading authorities to believe the bloodsucker is in fact Type A himself. I...
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